I want to be as tidy as my friend but it seems impossible!

Sounds like the most dull life to me, personally ! What a boring existence she must have, poor woman

I agree @Caspianberg it seems clear that those with messy homes feel the need to justify it - so far on this thread we’ve had clean homes = not spending time with children or cooking them home cooked meals, anxiety and mental health problems and a horrible DH, miserable children and miserable childhoods.

I guess whatever makes them feel better about their children growing up among clutter and rubbish and mess.

I hate when people make cleaning or not cleaning into some sort of morality contest
Your house and stuff is neutral, it should just work for you & your family - is everything you need accessible and hygienic? Is it easy to do the things that matter to your family eg cooking, crafting, hobbies, relaxing, lego, eating at a shared space together every night

If no you need to pinpoint and change things
Cleanliness = Hygienic + organisation

Most of time you just need less shit & continuously go through your shit all the time
Have a running charity donation bag
Everything!!!! Needs a home. Dont put down - put away!
If you have ever had to buy something you know you have but can't find in the house that is a sure sign you have too much crap all over the place
Clean frequently and weekly do the bigger jobs that give u most visual reward - cleaning fridge, organising something big. A loose Flylady system

I am a former messy person in cleanliness & organisational rehab !! It has a huge effect on my mind. I also need giant wall planners, paper diaries etc to organise the social and family stuff. I am a psycho who has a labelled birthday folder with written names & bdays in sorted by month. If I didn't I would not remember anything

It’s absolutely rubbish the whole you can’t have a clean house without terrible childhood of abandonment.

I don’t know about you but my Ds is awake from about 6am to 8.30-9pm. He has about 15hrs a day awake. Cleaning the kitchen for 10 mins after meal prep, or wiping bathroom down 5mins isn’t going to affect him one bit.
My Ds is 4 years and he makes a mess sure, but he is already pretty good about out things away straight away ie clothing when off, banana skin in bin. He tidys toys with us every evening before bed, it takes 5mins max between us. This afternoon the living room was full of toys

It often makes for a very unhappy home. I know of someone that does obsessive cleaning and tidying- she throws away everything the kids make, barely lets them play or does anything fun and runs around cleaning and tidying at the expense of her family.

I know it looks lovely but it’s often not a sign of good mental health. Houses with kids in should look like houses with kids in. Clean yes, but not spotless.

Yes, this is a big one I think. If you get no pleasure out of sitting still then that's going to give you much more time for "doing" things without feeling deprived.

I can live quite happily in my head for a fairly long time. I could sit in an empty room with plain white walls for a good long while without getting bored just thinking about stuff.

Reading, thinking, listening to music, napping are all sources of great pleasure to me. I couldn't tell you how, no more than I can understand the need to always be busy.

My house is always clean, tidy and with no clutter.

As other pp have said, there are several reasons: I can't stand clutter, it makes me edgy. Clean and tidy makes me calm, happy and free to do other things. Actual cleaning is so much easier when there's no mess to move first.

Secondly, I continuously declutter and don't keep random stuff I don't use. Lots of things are given away/go to charity. New clothes only if needed and then old ones straight in the charity bin.

Thirdly, I tend to keep quietly busy all the time, doing things. I say "quietly busy" because I'm never dashing about, never frantic, I just "potter". But I don't understand how people sit and do nothing! How do you do it?
I mean, if I'm watching my favourite TV show, I'm probably doing the ironing and folding up/putting away at the same time. If I'm in the kitchen making a cuppa, I'm probably putting the clean dishes back in the cupboards while the kettle boils. Folk sort of stand/sit around doing nothing....isn't that a bit dull and boring??

Fourthly, every single thing has a place, and it goes back in that place when I've used it. Scissors and selotape? Back in the stationary drawer. Clothes been through the dryer? Back into the wardrobe and sock drawer. Arrived home with the shopping? Keys go on the key rack, coat on the peg, shopping in the fridge/cupboards, shopping bags folded and into their store box, handbag and purse in the bedroom where they live. I don't just DUMP stuff as I move about....

I was in awe of a friend with 5 children and an immaculate house when I only had one small baby...until she asked me to grab something from a cupboard for her 🤣🤣🤣

@Mamabear04 , in years to come your children won’t remember that there was a bit of chaos. They will remember you had time to read to them or play. They will remember the warmth and happiness of your home. So called perfection is not always to be envied or aspired to. ☺️

There's no trick imo. Everyone I know who has a tidier house than me spends more time tidying/cleaning/decluttering.

They put in the work so they reap the benefits.

Every now and then I give it a go for a couple of weeks but I can't keep it up. Maybe if I lived on my own, but I grow insanely resentful of everyone mucking it up so it's better for family relations to let a lot of it go. No-one who needed a tidy environment would ever have married my dh.

Her hobby is cleaning obviously!!

I have tried a few times to "keep on top of it"... nah. Bored to tears. Exhausted. And frustrated because within 30 seconds the place is a tip again! And I certainly don't want to be hovering over my family lest they put a cup down or leave a toy out!!!

So fair play to people who have an immaculate house. I cba and I am honest with myself!

My house looks fabulous when people visit. I achieve this illusion by:

1. tidying and cleaning the day before they come much more than usual.
2. having an upstairs spare room where all the junk/washing etc gets hidden during the visit.

Ha, no I don't enjoy cleaning any more than the next person

But, I do find that "little and often" works better for me than "house in terrible state, must spend hours on it"

As I said, each to their own

I have a friend who used to be like this. Turns out an immaculate house was a coping mechanism for a less than perfect marriage, child with SEN and demanding job. She would choose to tidy and clean rather than sleep because she couldn't relax if the house wasn't perfect. She was miserable tbh.

A decade or so on, the kids are older and less hectic, she's a SAHP and her anxiety is medicated. Her husband is still a dick. But overall she's much happier and much calmer - and her house is nowhere near as immaculate as it used to be!

I think this is your true reason for posting coming out here - you’d prioritise doing something with your kids or making a meal from scratch- and what? Your friend doesn’t do the same @Mamabear04

my house is very clean and tidy and I give my full attention to the kids and I cook from scratch. I am a clean person, I am organised and to be honest it’s takes me 15 mins after the kids go to bed to have the playroom spotless and all toys in their correct places - it’s not that difficult.

My house is slightly tidier than average thinking of the hundreds of houses over a lifetime I have been in. But I have two friends who are like your friend I have known them for 35 plus years both cannot stand a thing out of place at all. No one knows the number of hours people clean and tidy, we don’t know our own but theirs would be hundreds more than mine.I will ask have you seen x on tv, they never have time as they are both being very perfect with their houses.

My db’s house is like this. They both treat tidying and cleaning as a hobby really. So organised but I suppose working ft in stressful jobs with two boys that are full of fantastically full of beans means they have to be!!! Eg evening time the kids help tidy then they clean floors etc when kids go to bed, Friday night watching tv they’d iron and organise toys while watching. Saturday morning is clean up time etc etc. I’ve tried to get to where they are but I just fall by the wayside. Fair fecks to all the really clean people out there!!

I don't live in a shit hole, but I live in a house where I have memories. With my actual kids. My childhood house was show home spotless. But I have zero happy memories of me being with my mum, because she cleaned non-stop. We might be a bit messy now, but we hang out together rather than wasting our years being spotless.

My mum was your friend. I would just say - I have ZERO memories of playing with her, as a child. None. Not one. She spent all her time cleaning.

Do you live in a shithole?

I thought you were going to say you enjoyed it and it was a hobby to you, spending every day cleaning on the off chance unexpected visitors came to stay, what, once a year, sounds like a massive waste of time.

@greenpolarbear

Each to their own, I guess

I tidy as I go along, so clutter never builds up and the house is always clean and tidy. If unexpected visitors arrived to stay, I'd only have to throw bleach down the WC. I don't find this dull. I like to feel under control

Cleaning every single day of your life is dull, even if only short jobs.

I've been surprised how much easier it's been to keep the house after clearing away most of left out items pre house selling.
I might never go back tbh .Its been so much quicker even if some rooms did feel empty.
I'm now in rented accommodation and what I've really found out is I/ we keep a clean place .A bit of clutter but wow the filth was an eye opener when we moved in