Feeling pressured to take DS' girlfriend on holiday

Am I the only one thinking what job will these 2 noisy sex kids get with A level Latin?

I would not accept the invitation for my DS if I had no intention of offering the girlfriend to come with us.
I agree with your DH, it's rude not to if you have the means to.

I fidnthe idea of the teen moping around, having an awful holiday, wanting to go home, not wanting to go at all, hating every minute of the holiday very odd. Maybe I was an odd teen and I've been surrounded by odd teens. But we had a great time on holiday with family. Nobody I know are bringing their teen partners or friends on week long family holidays abroad. And I don't think anyone has been miserable.

No need to bring the gf. This might be the last family holiday you will have. Also not bringing gf of 8 months when you're 17 does not equal the son spending every Christmas at in laws and not allowing to meet the grandchildren.

This is a tough spot. Ultimately it's your holiday and for you to decide and that's reason in itself BUT at 17 you are now setting the standard for how your relationship with your adult child will be; in a few years time they won't 'have' to do anything anymore and may not choose to come round and join in on family holidays etc. I think it might be better to have a very frank conversation with your son regarding your concerns and see how he responds. If he's respectful and willing to work with you then I think if it was me I would seriously think about it. EDIT after reading a few other comments I'm not even sure anymore either 🙈

Not this year, it's too short notice and it's good for them to have time apart too.
Maybe next year if they are still together? No need to be reciprocal.

Of course you don't have to invite her...remind him when he leaves school and works he'll be paying for his own holiday 😉🤣. But this may be the last hol you pay for and something to consider is your son may have a monk on for the entire holiday if you don't invite her. Might this be worth considering what's worse this or bringing her along? If you can put up with that... don't invite her 👍
I do think that it's is healthy to spend time apart anyway. Lots of teens get too intense 👍

You deffo need to have a convo about the loud sex tho 🙈🙈. And the birds and the bee's. I'm sure they are clued up on that ...but it doesn't it it doesn't hurt to brush up if you want to kibosh any chance of grandkids at this young age. I will certainly ensure my boys take control re: birth control and not leave it to the girls and them saying they are 'on the pill' 👍

I’d have a conversation about noisy sex and it’s not what one does when there are other people in the same house, especially children. That many parents would not allow them to be together at all and if they wish to be left alone, to show consideration. Maybe her parents will also have words if subjected.

while reciprocating is not necessary, It would make for a better holiday for him..as he’s on his own in his age group otherwise. I was that kid once. Not old enough to hang with the adults, but too old to want to be with the kids all the time. It’s not fun. However, it’s his holiday too and he is not a parent yet. There should be no expectations of babysitting. You have the children so you are responsible. You can ask if they’ll babysit but not expect it and not a lot. I’ve seen lots of teens on the internet complaining about being expected to use their holiday time as babysitters and they do get support from the community.

I wouldn't invite her (and if pressed would probably give some BS about maximum number for the Air BNB). BUT I would pay for son's flight so there isn't an obligation iyswim.

It’s great that he’s turned things around at his new school. You must be pleased.

I can see both sides re. the holiday. I don’t think there is a right answer.

Of course he won't. He's lucky enough to be going on holiday. He can 'put up' with it.

OP you haven't posted back. But I would be happy with this. Apart from the sex noise. I would talk to them both about that. They do need to be thoughtful towards others. But also it gives you a good opportunity to confirm contraception. Many people leave their 17 year olds at home as they dont want to go on family holidays. Just be grateful he still does!

I only have one DC - nearly 19. We holiday together (single parent) and it drives me up the wall - we like such different things. We went recently to Berlin (not football!) - we ended up one day doing our own thing. I was quite worried about him on his own - he doesnt speak German. A friend would have reduced my worry. All was well.

I think if she's taken him throught lifes ills and made him happier I personally wouid as a thank you and as encouragement to keep this happier time in hes life going.

No way, I wouldn't be able to relax with someone else's teenager on my holiday.

I don’t think you need to. My son’s girlfriend’s family is taking him on vacation in a few weeks and if we were going to go as a family I wouldn’t feel the need for her to go with us. As long as she’s welcome in your home when you’re around I think that is accommodating enough.

It will cost the OP money if they have to do a tit for tat arrangement - a flight, an extra almost-adult to feed and for activities. It changes the dynamic of the holiday - only the OP can tell us if that's in a good or bad way!

And if the relationship continues, patterns are set, damage is done.

‘My MiL & I are so uncomfortable with each other’
‘My MIL doesn't invite us, only my DM does’.

‘’My DiL only wants to go on holiday with her family’
‘My DS spends all of his holidays with his gf’s family’.

They can be two young people in a relationship with both families treating them equally.

These are kids playing adults here. In what way is a 17yo an adult enough for a 'partner'.

you could leave your 17 year old son at home - he has had a holiday and now you are having yours

You don’t have to, but I would. For the reasons your husband says- one teen on holiday will be bored and possibly annoying. 2 teens on holiday will entertain each other.

We have an only child and always take at least one extra on holiday with us.

I agree it’s healthy to have time apart. My question is more about the family holiday aspect… at what stage does a family holiday start to include SOs?

this is a wider question though, obviously there’s no expectation to include a 17yr old girlfriend as part of the family. I was more thinking 24/25 year old adult children.

I still go away without DH sometimes and I am very much an adult. It's healthy to have patches of time apart

you don’t have to invite her if your don’t want to OP, ffs!

no teen NEEDS to have their boyfriend or girlfriend come on a family holiday with them. They can save up themselves and go away if they want to.

also it could be really expensive and you say you’ve already stretched yourself paying for private school.

How long are you going for and would it be feasible for her to come and join you in the middle so you have some family holiday time first?
Have a great time

I think you should invite her if you, your twins, husband and son want to and costs are covered agreeably. BUT only if you all want to - its a family holiday so all the family members get a vote.

However, i don't think there should be a reciprocal obligation as he's going to Italy with her family shortly.

Maybe her turn to come with you is next year, and you might feel more relaxed in her company by then.

Divided on this!

MN is full of my DIL/ son’s partner doesn't include us, or my DS spends all of his time with his gf/wife’s family.

And yet here we are with many on here saying don't include her!

The more time you spend together, the more you will all relax in each others company.

I would include her, her family have included your DS. I would be having a quiet word with them both about being able to hear them though.