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AIBU?

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Feeling pressured to take DS' girlfriend on holiday

162 replies

SandiAndi · 17/07/2024 10:55

Some background first. DS is 17, just finished Y12, we moved his school after GCSEs as he was having a rough time. We live rurally and options for a good school with good sixth form options were very limited so we have stretched ourselves and gone private. We also have twins who are 11 and will be going to the state school after summer.
DS settled in well at the new school but still doesn't really have much in the way of friends, he's quite introverted. However he does now have a girlfriend of about 8 months. She's lovely and has really brought him out his shell (they were the only two taking A-Level Latin so I think he felt more confident around her).

In 4 weeks we are going to Greece, we have an Airbnb. DS came in a few days ago saying that his girlfriend's family have offered to take him to Italy with them on holiday next week. He asked if it was ok and said her dad was happy to pay for the flight etc. obviously he will need spending money but he works so has some of his own and I'm happy to tip it up.

Now DH thinks we need to invite his girlfriend with us, I'll be honest I don't want to! She's lovely, very sweet and kind, but I never feel truly relaxed around her. We have also had well let's say issues with the volume of their recreational activities should we say!! And
I imagine it will be worse in a Airbnb! I could do without hearing that on holiday.

DH thinks it will be great, twins will entertain each other, DS will go do things with his girlfriend and we can relax, plus they can babysit a few nights. He also thinks it's really rude not to.

So AIBU to not want to invite her? Should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
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LBFseBrom · 25/07/2024 17:38

Werweisswohin · 21/07/2024 19:02

Yes, it matters.
A teenager tends to have a boy or girlfriend not a partner.

I agree. A 'partner' is a more serious deal, implies commitment.

DearDenimEagle · 24/07/2024 18:47

diktat · 24/07/2024 14:55

Only since 2023! Before then you could marry at 16.

And I note it’s 18, so presumably they are expected to date before, which would be 17 or even earlier ☺️

diktat · 24/07/2024 14:55

Spinet · 22/07/2024 08:25

Nobody's married at 16 in this country any more. Not legal now.

Only since 2023! Before then you could marry at 16.

DearDenimEagle · 24/07/2024 10:08

Spinet · 22/07/2024 08:25

Nobody's married at 16 in this country any more. Not legal now.

Thanks, I didn’t know they changed it. Still think a gf or bf at 17 is perfectly reasonable

Every1sanXpert · 24/07/2024 07:52

hangingonfordearlife1 · 23/07/2024 23:35

@tillytown my daughter would never be in that situation. she goes out to the mall once a month if that she's just a kid. she's not been brought up to go in cars and what not.

She's almost an adult. She can drive a car, work, move out if she wants to. Will be at uni soon.

Orchidhiker · 24/07/2024 07:50

hangingonfordearlife1 · 23/07/2024 23:35

@tillytown my daughter would never be in that situation. she goes out to the mall once a month if that she's just a kid. she's not been brought up to go in cars and what not.

She’s not just a kid, she’s a year away from being an adult. If she’s only socialising once a month I would be fairly worried about that

Hankunamatata · 23/07/2024 23:38

Hard no from me as it's more of a home environment than a hotel and I'd want to completely relax.

hangingonfordearlife1 · 23/07/2024 23:35

@tillytown my daughter would never be in that situation. she goes out to the mall once a month if that she's just a kid. she's not been brought up to go in cars and what not.

tillytown · 23/07/2024 20:36

hangingonfordearlife1 · 23/07/2024 20:13

@Every1sanXpert sorry but just no, legal or not allowing it in the house is just encouraging it.

So you would rather your daughter was having sex in cars, other people's homes, parks, etc, instead of in her home where she was safe and in control? Seriously?

Every1sanXpert · 23/07/2024 20:14

hangingonfordearlife1 · 23/07/2024 20:13

@Every1sanXpert sorry but just no, legal or not allowing it in the house is just encouraging it.

Trust me 17 year olds do not need encouraging to do it. They will just find somewhere else to do it

hangingonfordearlife1 · 23/07/2024 20:13

@Every1sanXpert sorry but just no, legal or not allowing it in the house is just encouraging it.

Every1sanXpert · 23/07/2024 20:08

hangingonfordearlife1 · 23/07/2024 20:07

really don't understand this as i have a nearly 17 year old daughter and there would be no "recreational" activities under my roof! why would you allow that let alone the audacity of being loud and having your parents hear. wtf

They r going to do it regardless of whether u allow it under ur roof. It's legal. Better than off in a car park somewhre or something! Just should be respectful and keep it down.

hangingonfordearlife1 · 23/07/2024 20:07

really don't understand this as i have a nearly 17 year old daughter and there would be no "recreational" activities under my roof! why would you allow that let alone the audacity of being loud and having your parents hear. wtf

AgileMentor · 23/07/2024 13:58

LadyKenya · 17/07/2024 12:19

It never ceases to amaze me what some women are prepared to put up with on here. Unbelievable.

I’d have said something instantly if it was that loud I could hear it 🤢

Orchidhiker · 23/07/2024 12:37

Goodenoughisgoodenough · 22/07/2024 13:11

Don't invite her. It's your holiday. Plus it's also precious time to spend with your 17 yo. I'm on holiday right now, with my 18 yo son. He's left his very sweet girlfriend for 2 weeks to come with us . At home I'm lucky if I see him for 20 mins a day. On hols I get to hang out with him. And I'm very aware that it might be the last time it's just the four of us on hols. 14 yo daughter here too. So it's also special sibling time too. Your twins will appreciate his company and remember it much more. Its very precious family time.

I think this is reasonable, especially keeping in mind that there are probably few opportunities for this kind of holiday in the future like you said. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy this time together.

I think it becomes an issue when these kinds of attitudes (holidays for ‘family time’) persist past 17/18/19. Even when DH was about 24, his family were still insisting that he had to go on trips abroad with them (without me) because they wanted family experiences. Ultimately he just said no.

I think seeing this trip as the last big family trip (and if there are more trips in the future, thats a bonus) is a good idea.

viques · 23/07/2024 12:08

Do they have noisy sex at her house? I fear her parents are in for a bit of a shock if not.

Every1sanXpert · 23/07/2024 11:52

maybe say if you don’t keep the volume down at night neither will me and ur dad 😂😂😂 that’ll soon put a stop to it 😂I’m actually surprised he’s coming on holiday as by 17 I had started going away with friends. But no don’t feel obliged to ask her

MrsClownland · 23/07/2024 09:45

I wonder what the OP has decided

MrsClownland · 22/07/2024 23:47

Well yes, but it was legal to marry at 16 elsewhere in the U.K. for a long time - the Scottish "difference" that made Gretna popular was not needing parental consent (up to 21!) The difference now obviously being the under 18 part. Not that I imagine a whole load of 16 year olds are getting married in Scotland.

Werweisswohin · 22/07/2024 22:25

MrsClownland · 22/07/2024 21:53

Well I wouldn't say "hence" Gretna Green, since its popularity came in after the 18th century marriage act that meant you needed parental permission in England under 21. It's not to do with the recent increase in the age of marriage in England!

I didn't say it was to do with a recent increase. Folk have run away* *from England to Scotland to marry for years.

MrsClownland · 22/07/2024 21:53

Werweisswohin · 22/07/2024 16:47

It's legal to marry at 16 in Scotland, hence Gretna Green.

Well I wouldn't say "hence" Gretna Green, since its popularity came in after the 18th century marriage act that meant you needed parental permission in England under 21. It's not to do with the recent increase in the age of marriage in England!

Mookie81 · 22/07/2024 21:29

Ivehearditbothways · 17/07/2024 12:33

He has young siblings, have you dealt with the utter disrespect he showed to them and it you by the “volume” issue?

It's not just disrespect, under safeguarding childen being exposed to people having sex would be under the umbrella of sexual abuse.
And before people barrel in saying their 3 year old caught them occasionally, I'm not talking about that kind of example, but repeated obvious exposure.

bridgetreilly · 22/07/2024 20:21

It’s not reciprocal play dates with toddlers! You’ve booked your holiday for your family. You absolutely don’t need to invite anyone else.

wizzywig · 22/07/2024 20:00

I'll tell you what will make them realise you can hear them: play them at their own game

BengalGal · 22/07/2024 19:54

With your husband thinking it’s great, and the free babysitting and the fact the he’s going with them, yes I think you should suck it up. Ask your husbands to tell them they have to be quiet at night and especially when lovemaking.

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