AIBU to get a back up as I don’t like flower girl dress?

Because the bride has a vision and the baby will need to be carried down the aisle anyway. Quick change after photos, bride isn't stressed beforehand, job done. It's hardly a massive lie and everyone gets what they want.

At that age, if they are walking independently, you can get the situation we had at my brother-in-law's wedding. Youngest was 15 months, not long walking, had a nice black eye or similar. He and I weren't a formal part of the wedding party thank goodness! His older sister, 4 the day before, managed beautifully as flowergirl - but as soon as the photos were done we needed to slip her arm back into a sling as she'd broken her collarbone earlier that week ...

Honestly, why are you going along with it? Why put everyone through that - your daughter, the poor bridesmaid who will have to try to manage her, the bride, and yourself, instead Having her as a flower girl was a lovely idea, but clearly (as things stand) she simply is isn't be able to do it, and none of the alternatives work either. It just adds unnecessary drama to an already stressful day.

It’s definitely something I’m trying to work on as I am like this in life in general not just them I hate confrontation and often don’t stand up for my self when I should but I’m trying hard to change this as I don’t want my daughter to be like me so b this regard

This event may be where your DD shows her strong-willed paternal heritage ... except for the literal standing up bit.

My (non-walking) niece was a flower girl at my wedding. A bridesmaid carried her down the aisle, and she wore her cute but impractical dress for the ceremony and then changed straight into a onesie!

My DGD was a flower girl at her uncle’s wedding recently. There were no older bridesmaids but 3 flower girls (all walking but all under 2 ) and a sailor suited page, aged three. The bride had envisioned them all walking up the aisle holding hands, picturesquely.

It went about as well as you can imagine- two yards in, one had escaped into a pew, another sat on the floor singing loudly, the other two made it up the aisle in parents arms, wriggling. The photos featured flower wreaths at all angles, a dress skirt lifted over the head to show voluminous petticoats and a page boy who stood still as long as he could hold up his rather ratty dinosaur in front of his face.

Instagrammable for all the wrong reasons.

And while you’re talking to her ask the bride if she wants all eyes to be on her or on a barely toddler age child who is not going to walk down the aisle and is likely to make her feelings known.

Yes, this.

Because basically no mother in the world won't have seen a medical professional about this for reassurance, that was no doubt why that poster did an eyeroll. Probably because a lot of people reading eye rolled in real life. I know I did.

as I don’t want my daughter to be like me so b this regard

Just out of interest-what's your husband's take on it all?

Where is he on standing up for his daughter & you whilst you are still finding it difficult?

Just get your DH to carry her down the aisle. Anything more than that is ridiculous. Weddings just get more & more bonkers.

Is anyone else desperate to see a pic of the lovely dress ?
Any chance @Zebedee2024 ?

What a weird response. The child is the bride's niece. Why shouldn't they be dressed as a flower girl for the wedding?!

I would just say that you do have to stand up for yourself sometimes if your DHs family is quite ahem strong willed/opinionated about what you should be doing with your children.
I have this a bit with my own DHs family and had issues at weddings where I was uncomfortable. With my first I used to go along with it but now with my second I’ve been determined to just say no sorry but not suitable, I’ll be doing this and this etc

Dd was same and hypermobile . Walked at 24 months first steps very wobbly.
Physio can help.

Yes the OP is aware of that ... because she said it. It's unnecessary (and I'd wager that the OP found it irritating) to have someone weigh in about her health and developmental parenting obligations on a completely unrelated issue.

My DNiece was about the same age as your DD at her mums wedding. I was bridesmaid and she was supposed to walk down the aisle with her sister and me behind. DN got to the start and refused to walk as everyone was looking at her. I ended up having to pick her up under one arm as I had my flowers in the other hand and carry her down the aisle.

@Zebedee2024 just to add, the last 2 family weddings I have been to, the bride has changed post service and photos, let alone any of the guests. So I shouldn't worry on that score 😀

Ask if you can bring another dress for her to change into after the photos, it's not fair on your DD to be in an uncomfortable dress all day.

I would just bring the spare clothes and change after the photos. If it is a long time since there have been young dc they probably won't have much understanding of their limitations. I would say that four is probably the youngest that they might reasonably expect a child to be an active part of a wedding party, except possibly with a very close member of their family actively involved.

All of ours were later walking, but one of them I think just didn't realise that she could walk independently. She would hold on to our little finger for ages, then (and I know this will sound controversial but this was a long time ago) I put her in reins and let her see that she could stand and walk without holding on but we would be able to stop her falling. After about 6 steps and when she could see she actually could walk without holding on to us she started running and didn't need the reins anymore. Like your dd she was very articulate so I could explain to her what we were doing.

Just leave her in the dress for the service and photos. Then change her. If anyone comments say that your daughter is a messy eater so you changed her so the dress would not get stained etc. You did this because the dress is so expensive and in case the bride ever has a little girl that she wants to pass on the beautiful dress.

In regards to being flower girl they will soon learn that your daughter has her own mind.