AIBU to get a back up as I don’t like flower girl dress?

It’s up to you to advocate for your child and tell the bride it’s not happening.

Meghan? Kate?

I did not walk until 22 months got around perfectly OK by shuffling on my bottom and was rather overweight so dont worry too much if she is active in other ways.

As the mum of an 18 month old I would say that it’s completely normal to have a change of clothes with me for LO at all time as there is always the risk of food spills, nappy leaks, etc. So I would have with me a back up outfit anyway, with no need to say anything to SIL. Don’t buy a flower girl style outfit. As others have said keep her in the one bought for her for the ceremony and photos. Then just change her into a backup outfit and if asked any questions mention any type of usual reasons for changing a toddler out of an outfit. Or say you know she’s a messy eater so you wanted to change her before the meal so the dress didn’t get ruined. Most people don’t bat an eyelid when toddlers go through multiple outfits in a day.

You need communicate with your SIL. About the dress and about the fact you don't think your DD is ready to be a flower girl.
All these issues could be solved with a chat. Good luck.

I think you need to tell the bride that despite expectations when she chose her as flower girl she isn’t walking yet and unlikely to be on the day. I would pull her out as flower girl and offer the option of getting a refund on the dress. As she’s clearly assumed, does the dress even fit? If she really wants her as part of the wedding party who will be responsible for carrying her down the aisle? Definitely have a change of clothes, regardless of the flower girl dress, as toddlers get mucky quickly.

That’s absolutely fine! As long as she’s had photos etc , she has to be comfy !

My sister in law got changed into another outfit after all photos / speeches etc - for the evening - as she felt uncomfortable in the dress . She didn’t ask me , just told me that she was heading back to her hotel to change before the evening guests started arriving and it didn’t bother me at all, I wanted her to be comfortable! In fact , I was jealous that I didn’t have a change as my dress , although beautiful, drove me mad!

If she can walk with just one hand holding her it sounds like she can walk just prefers not to. Dad going with her down the aisle sounds perfect

I would wait until after all the photos are done and then change her. You can get baby grows and little t-shirts that say ‘flower girl- date- names’ on that are quite cute. Perhaps you could change her for food?

I don’t think it’s up to you to like it or not though. It’s the brides big day and she’s bought the dress. Just do what you can and don’t worry about it.

My niece was a flower girl and she wasn't walking.

She was wheeled down the aisle by the chief bridesmaid in her little bike which had been decorated in the same flowers as the bouquet. Is that an option?

Her mammy was waiting at the side to take her and sat a row behind at the end of the bridesmaid.

Also, I’d ask what the backup plan is about walking down the aisle if DC is too upset or won’t let you go.

I think it'd be better to just quietly have a sensible backup - the groomsman DH carrying/walking her sounds like the best bet.

I’d happen to have a backup regardless (bought or borrowed, ideally 2nd hand so it didn’t look like I’d ignored the brides wishes) - a child that age is very likely to have a nappy leak/accident or get food down it. If there’s a heat wave then she’d need to be in something lighter and I’m sure everyone would understand.

I’d try and get the chosen dress worn for the ceremony/photos at least to prevent drama if you don’t think it’s likely Bride will be receptive to changing the current dress.

Also, I’d ask what the backup plan is about walking down the aisle if DC is too upset or won’t let you go. I wouldn’t be comfortable letting DC get upset in search of a cute photo but it is nice they want to include DC and she might surprise you and then you’d have some cute photos 🥰. I hope it works out well!

You’re being more than reasonable suggesting she change after the ceremony! If it were me I’d be refusing to let her wear it at all. What a ridiculous outfit for a non walking baby/toddler! Did the bride know nothing about infants and expect she would be walking? I doubt the bride will care what she wears after the ceremony. If you think she will, claim there was a vomitting incident/poo explosion

I would probably just wear the dress during the ceremony and for photo purposes and then pop to the loo and change her into a top and leggings? In a subtle way so as not to offend her!

I'd do whatever will keep the baby happy. They aren't toys or accessories.

Let them do the pretty dress for the ceremony and photos. Then change her into something more suitable for crawling around in, don't make a big fuss over it and if anyone asks say she spilled a whole juice carton/ had a nappy explosion/ got covered in food etc. With a flippant it's what happens with toddlers expression!

I wouldn't take it on myself to shorten or alter the dress in any way. I would definitely change her into something comfortable after the photos and, if asked. I would say that I didn't want the dress to get torn or dirty.

Obviously get the dress shortened first. Then once it's a bit more manageable, if she's wearing tights, can you tuck the dress into her tights after the ceremony, so she can crawl?

Can you shorten it above the knees so she can crawl or walk if she decides she can all of a sudden. You could shorten the sleeves as well, not really a huge job to modify it, if Aunty doesn't mind.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to put a young child in something more comfortable after the ceremony and photos. It’s always good to have a back up for spillages and nappy/toilet accidents anyway!

There doesn’t need to be a ‘story of the build up’. When did we lose the ability to speak and voice concerns?

I would very much say the opposite and don't bother her. Otherwise the story of the buildup will be PFB OP getting worked up, whereas realistically the flower girl is the tiniest part of the day and the bride and groom won't care what happens on the day as they'll be distracted. Just let it happen on the day, it'll be grand.

F

MY DD was very late walking, but she is super agile now - a great gymnast and dancer. She is also very academic. I was worried at the time, but like you, I could see that her general mobility, and indeed her general ability, were good and once she got going with walking there was no stopping her!

None of their own and none in her immediate family so I don’t think she had any idea. The little ones were all cousins on the groom’s side and everyone tried, gently, to talk her out of it ( and why parents various were ready to pounce to prevent further carnage) There had also been an initial insistence on skiddy hard soled silver shoes which she did cancel after it was pointed out that ancient polished stone flooring and lethally shod toddlers might not be the best idea !