To think she could have chosen a different day to tell me she is pregnant?

she knew your struggles and she knew it your trip for your birthday to forget everything for a night. Nope I’d say she planned it . Sorry but she isn’t a friend. Any other friend would have not taken your day from you.

It's just when some people get pregnant and have a baby they get so irrational about the importance of this they loose awareness of others? Does that make sense? I would not judge it as her true feelings or rational self if you see what I mean

Pregnant women do not forget how to consider others as well. It’s self-centred to completely ‘forget’ your friend has struggled with fertility and pregnancy loss and rub your excitement in her face.

I’ve been pregnant 3 times, once after a tough year TTC and feeling awful about others sharing their pregnancy news. I was aware every time that the news was only important/exciting/all encompassing to me and DH and I was able to still be a good friend.

I was just trying to communicate (probably badly) that the joy and excitement your friend feels has impacted her and made her as irrational in a happy thoughtless way.

Just the same as if someone is going through a really rough time conceiving and may be very sensitive and upset at their friends news.

It's just when some people get pregnant and have a baby they get so irrational about the importance of this they loose awareness of others? Does that make sense? I would not judge it as her true feelings or rational self if you see what I mean

Nah, telling your friend who's had multiple failed IVF cycles that you're pregnant on the day she's going away to recover from another failed cycle is breathtakingly heartless. If it affects the friendship that's not on OP.

With kindness, your ivf struggles really only impact the two of you as her pregnancy will only impact them.

She can not see outside it as I am sure at times you will be the same, it's crap and people should be more thoughtful but they aren't.

It's hard because her pregnancy won't affect your fertility but that can't help the way you feel. Thoughtless but honestly it's not a big friendship issue if I were you

YANBU. She was thoughtless. They've probably chosen today to tell people so you found out at the same time as other people. I can only remember how much I was bursting to tell people after my 12 week scan so I will give her the benefit of the doubt and say she was thoughtless. Her subsequent message isn't great.

She is a bitch!!!

Glad you had a good day. I am crossing everything for you.

Sorry but I don’t think she’s a true friend at all and I believe she did it on purpose to rub it in. Some people are awful.

Definitely this.

It’s definitely insensitive definitely.

That is so thoughtless, she's not a friend. I'm so sorry.

My "friend" told me she was 24w pregnant as a response to a post announcing the birth/death of my darling baby boy (born at 22w).

I don't think I'll ever understand her choice to do that. We don't speak now.

Yanbu, OP. At best she's thoughtless and selfish. And worst she's cruel. Distance yourself and protect your head and heart.

That’s really self absorbed. I’d leave her to it for a while (a very long while!)

I can’t believe anyone could see it as anything g other than self centred and cruel.

Of course pregnancies are going to be difficult for those struggling, but on your birthday, during your trip away is just totally unnecessary.

I’d distance myself - she’s no friend.

YANBU - really awful of her to do that. Hope you are ok

YANBU. The first message was stupidly thoughtless but to then follow up that up with the ‘baby brain’ one which was still all about her is spectacularly insensitive. If she’s using that as an excuse this early, I’d just be wary that her entire pregnancy might involve her being one of the ‘first person in the whole world to have a baby’ types. It may get pretty difficult to listen to it all.

OP, something really similar happened to me. We had friends that I thought were good ones,
who did the same on my birthday (I was already struggling due to some family stuff, which they also knew)

it totally ruined my relationship with them.

Take care of yourself and your heart however you need to

No YANBU, at best she is thoughtless, at worst completely callous and narcissistic.

I would honestly resist the temptation to forgive her instantly and create a bit of space. If she asks what’s wrong, tell her (nicely). If she’s a decent person she would want to know. If not, and she reacts badly, you now know where you stand.

Good luck with the IVF and really hope it works out for you.

my childrens step mum, for goodness knows what reason, decided the day they buried her husband, their dad was the day to tell the family she was in another relationship?

i don't think its out of malice (ill keep my thoughts about her to myself), sometimes people are so wrapped up in their own worlds that they forget that other people have a lot going on.

i'm so sorry.. and i'm sure she has not really realised what she has done. i hope you can still enjoy your break away x

I think that's very thoughtless of her actually
No doubt she was excited but she should've been mindful of your struggles especially as you were friends outside work.
I'm sorry it's been so tough for you and I hope you manage to enjoy your birthday trip