To think she could have chosen a different day to tell me she is pregnant?

She's really self absorbed, I wouldn't have done that

I found out I was pregnant 6 weeks before my sisters wedding and made my husband promise that we’d say nothing till my sister was back from her honeymoon. It was my mum’s first grandchild and it would have completely overshadowed the wedding. I think your friend was a tad insensitive especially on your birthday but not everyone thinks before they speak (text)

Ivf veteran here.
No she was a tw@t
sometimes I just think seriously ... fuck the fertiles

Everyone is different, I would absolutely hate an email like this. It would make me feel different and singled out. I'd rather just be told the same as everyone else (in a text, not face to face though).

Yanbu. On the day before, or day of, I can’t remember, I had a friend wish me luck with starting our IVF and to say she was pregnant. People can be so thoughtless. I wonder if it’s the privilege of never having experienced infertility.

I wouldn't want someone to point it out to me that they were treating me the same as everyone else, because that just rubs it in that I wasn't the same as everyone else, I'd prefer to just be treated the same.

How would you have preferred her to tell you?

She may have thought she was doing the kindest thing by telling you by text rather than face to face and by telling you at the same time as everyone else rather than you finding out from someone else.

Talk to her about it when you next see her otherwise resentment may build (on both sides potentially!)

That’s awful and so thoughtless. I have a close colleague who I know is going through similar struggles and I’m absolutely dreading telling her I’m pregnant as I would hate to do anything to inadvertently cause her pain. Telling her on her birthday, knowing she’d had a recent loss is unimaginable!

Sorry i agree with this, if you think all the posters calling her evil, a bitch, malicious, self centered are right, why on earth do you have anything to do with her at all?

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. Much love to you.

I think she was excited and eager to share.

I don't remember any of my colleagues birthdays.

She forgot it was your birthday. She texted you later on that she had forgotten.

She shouldn’t have done that. I’d step back another bit. She is not the type of friend you need right now.

Then why couldn't she have said so?

She sounds self centred and I would distance myself from her. My sil wanted to announce on her birthday which is her prerogative of course but my birthday was the day before and she knew we had been trying for 3yrs and had surgery to try and fix the issue. Luckily she’s super obvious so I guessed or I would have really struggled to show my joy for them at the party. Sending OP sticky baby dust I hope you expand your family soon in whichever way works best for you xx

Maybe they’d had their scan and were announcing to people and she didn’t want you to find out from someone else? It might not be that ‘she’s chosen that day to text you excitedly that she’s pregnant’ but more that she doesn’t want you to find out from someone else.

This is really shitty of her

I’ve been in your shoes so I completely get it. I don’t think people can really comprehend the raw grief that comes along with fertility issues. You are not being unreasonable in the slightest. Unless she’s been in your shoes I doubt she realised the punch to the gut a pregnancy announcement can be. They still sting for me 6 years later and I’m a mama through adoption to a wonderful DD. Sending you a hug and I hope you had a lovely birthday despite this. It’s okay to be happy for her and sad for yourself. Even if you’re not happy for her and are green with envy that’s okay too. xx

Yes, very tactless. Reminds me of someone I knew who bragged that their grandchild could say "hippopotamus" - the person was bragging to someone whose child was deaf and would never be able to speak.

When we were going through it would have been so pissed off. I absolutely get it.

I think if she’s said “omg I am so sorry” or something a long those lines as soon as she realised the day I would be more forgiving - but the fact that she was so flippant about it when she realised. Eye roll worthy. I would have given her the “leave on read” treatment for a bit but I’m petty like that

sending lots of love OP xxx (and have a great birthday weekend)

It gets worse. This makes what she did sound calculated to upset you. I'm so angry on your behalf.

YANBU OP, that is no friend.

I would never forgive a friend if they did that to me. Luckily my friends have been so sensitive to my failed IVF. When one was pregnant she messaged and said along the lines 'I have some news to tell you, you can probably guess what it is and I know it might upset you because of everything you are going through. I can give you a call or put it in a message if you prefer. I love you so much and I'm always here for you'.

I appreciated her sensitivity so much that it's reminded me to treasure our friendship forever. It truly meant the world to me that she was so sensitive to what I was going through.

Sorry you are having difficulties but I think you are being a bit U. I doubt your friend remembered you were going away or thought that her news would ruin your trip. She was just telling you because you are her friend. If she delayed telling you, you probably would be upset by that too.