How sick would you have to be to not attend a wedding?

High temperature, cough, D&V bug - acceptable.

Stressed - no.

I attended a wedding 2 months after losing both my youngest sister and my father. To say my mental health was fragile would be an understatement - I was a fucking mess and being around people was awful.

I had to attend because the couple being married are close family relations to my husband and my non-attendance would not have been accepted just because I was emotionally fragile a fucking mess

It was an awful mistake. I was polite and smiled at all the appropriate moments for the fucking camera but I clearly wasn't myself and struggled the entire time.

The bride still hasn't forgiven me for 'disrespecting' her, even though it was made clear my not attending wouldn't be forgiven either because surely I was "capable of pulling myself together for a few hours". The fallout from the wedding for me was ending up having a complete breakdown and needing to be signed off work...again.

Only you know if your mental health will be boosted by being around people in a happy environment or if it will tank. Make the decision that's best for you

my primary consideration would be contagion. Stress is not something that would occur to me to skip a wedding.

I’ve attended weddings when I was feeling pretty awful a couple of times. Food poisoning that thankfully was on the tail end, hyperemesis from pregnancy. It’s manageable. You just take it slow, sip lots of water and don’t expect to do much partying.

Is going to the wedding going to make you more stressed, ie feeling frustrated and angry that you can't get on with chores before going back to work? Do you need a quiet weekend to feel well mentally? Will going put you in a worse head space for work?
Only you know how you feel. However as this thread shows, mental health is still seen as poor form for missing a wedding, in fact looking after your own wellbeing (physically and psychologically) is really important. For some people going to a wedding would really help, for others it might be one step too far. Again only you know if you can manage it or not.
If you really feel it would be detrimental to your wellbeing, don't go, but rightly or wrongly I'd claim a stomach bug than mental health reasons. I'd also offer to reimburse the cost of my meal.

I got married many decades ago, I had a drop out in the week before due to not being well enough to travel/attend an event, as they let us know and I was able to invite a couple who had just missed being invited due to numbers and were not offended to be a late substitution.
Then on the day my cousins who I 'had' to invite to keep DGM happy turned up just about for the church then 2 out of 3 disappeared during the drinks/photos never to return as they had better things to do. my DM was extremely annoyed.

Something similar has happened at nearly all weddings I have been involved in arragements for, you can't help if you are not well enough to attend and MH issues are just as valid as physical symptoms, just let them know in advance don't just not turn up.

I'd have probably made my excuses in the first place 😬

How far away from home is it? Will you feel happier to attend if you know you can leave early / get home easily enough?

I'd have to be actively vomiting or hospitalised. It's incredibly rude to skip a wedding to which you've accepted the invitation, not to mention a big waste of money for the bride and groom.

This kind of attitude is what drives people into the ground and creates long-term inability to function. Being burnt out is absolutely a good enough reason not to attend a demanding social event. If you'd be annoyed that's your problem.

OP if you are feeling so depleted that the thought of the wedding overwhelms you, you don't have to go. Your health and your recovery is more important than showing your face at the wedding. If you had a physical injury that would make the day painful and daunting, nobody would be questioning it - this is no different, even if there are still people who haven't grasped that yet.

They will have spent (probably quite a lot of) money on your attendance. I think it’s really rude not to attend unless you are genuinely too ill to attend or very contagious. The time to decide you weren’t that close to them and couldn’t be arsed was when you RSVP’d, not when it’s too late for them to fill your place or amend your numbers.

I had a couple of people pull out of my wedding at the last minute (not for health reasons) and it really pissed me off and affected how I thought of them.

Just cancel, say you're unwell or if that's not enough say it's a day case hospital procedure (like a colonoscopy or minor surgery) or they'll think it's odd you're not off work.

If you not close to them why care what they think?

If I have sneezed once within the last 6 months, then I am too sick to attend any wedding for the next 12 months.

(Though I wouldn't have accepted the invitation as I hate weddings!)

I recently went to a wedding that I wasn't sure id be able to attend (mid ivf so filled with tiredness/anxiousness). I told myself the whole day that I could go home any time I felt I needed to. It really was lovely to see them marry, and the food was unmissable. I made vague attempts to dance after (not being allowed to drink doesn't help) and snuck off early without goodbyes.

Overall I'm glad I went, but it did contribute to tiredness/anxiousness. Thing is, I'd have been more worried about not going which would have been trouble in itself. Treated myself to saying no to other events I felt I should say yes to as reward. And now I have a lovely memory of their wedding.

I would not want someone with vertigo and shakes to feel obliged to attend my wedding - I'd want them to prioritise their health.

Two people didn't attend mine, one due to illness, one due to flakiness! I wasn't bothered on the day and am even less bothered now. The ill person is still a good friend. The flaky person I don't see any more!

I don’t think that should come into it personally. You said you were going to be there, you made a commitment, and not going because you don’t fancy it and aren’t that close (how it was characterised in the OP) is pretty crappy. If it’s a case of being too unwell, as the second post suggests, then that is different. But deeming a couple “not worth the effort” after agreeing to attend is not cool.

Plan to get in there, do the necessary and then get out. You never know, you might enjoy it.

Go! I’ve been signed off with burnout and anxiety before and you’re literally prescribed self care. Get all dressed up and have a really lovely day, it’ll do wonders. You don’t have to stay late; stick around for the evening guests to arrive and you can easily slip out and go home.

Don’t you get sick pay?

Mental health is just as important as physical health - so if you don’t feel up to it, don’t go. But do try and tell them as soon as possible so they can give you place to someone else if possible.

I had two people pull out of my wedding on the day - and I was fine about it.

TBH - depends upon whom is getting married...

Yes, the only wedding I missed was because of galloping diarrhoea.

A lot can happen in a week . Plan to go and try and enjoy it . Don't overthink it . Presume you are going with partner who can help you if necessary ?

You are absolutely not being unreasonable!

You're ill.

The first responses on this thread are absolute bollocks. Send apologies and a gift.

I hate weddings so would love any excuse not to go but afraid I would have to apply the same rule I use on my kids when deciding whether they get a day off school/me a day off work. Unless you are covered in blood, unconscious, projectile vomiting/other end or your leg is actually hanging off, afraid you have to go in and see how you are at lunchtime.

I’d have to be bedridden not to go.

I’ve been dragged to weddings by DH when my mental health was pretty bad, and actually seeing the wider family and having a few relaxed drinks with people I liked was an excellent distraction and gave me a bit of a boost.