3yo DD keeps saying something really weird

I disagree with PP's suggestion of explaining what it is to her to get her to stop saying it. That would be unnecessary if he stopped reinforcing it. She doesn't need to know what it is and when she is old enough to understand, it's relevance will be almost entirely historical. I think usual tactics that work well when they come home saying swearwords etc should work -don't react and it loses its impact and she'll probably get out of habit.

So he's a teacher who thinks it's funny to get his three year old to say Aids? So living up to those teachers standards isn't he?

His work wouldn't know about his personal life though

As a parent of a just 14 year old I’d say no, it’s way below most 13 yr olds. Just fucking bizarre and weird

That's the exact kind of offensive humour you'd have seen in teens trying to be edgy 20 years ago, when he was in high school. The fact that he's still saying it is truly pathetic.

Love the new username! I'd insist that he called me that at all times from now on.

Hate his 'joke', don't get it, and agree that it's cruel. He is using your daughter to wind you up. When my kids were a similar age, I managed to stamp out 'humour' I didn't like by saying, "that's not very funny, is it?" and moving on. In this case, a short explanation of why it isn't funny should suffice. Then ignore it.

I had a similar-ish situation at work recently, although not actually offensive. I work with SEN children. One of them had started sniggering every time he heard the number 69, which made maths lessons interesting. I know full well that he doesn't understand anything about sex or what 69 is considered to mean. I asked him why he was laughing, and he said his dad told him it's funny. I asked why it's funny, and he didn't have a clue. Looks like dad was trying to wind up mum (or us...). Anyway, I told him that it's just a number, and really not that funny. He accepted that. For now!

I thought the teachers were there to teach the kids, not the other way around. Who is he getting his jokes from, kids in year 8?

That's a disgusting joke and a teacher should know better. If feeling that way is wrong I don't want to be right. I agree with changing the joke whilst she's with you.

Tbh I’d message him a really graphic photo of someone dying of AIDS and say ‘just confirming: you think this is hilarious?’

The whole thing is just so small town 90s teenage boy homophobic, I really don’t know what to say about a grown man in 2024 - and a teacher at that - thinking this is funny.

I’d also be quite tempted to send him this before he completely suffocates on the fumes of his own smugness: https://www.tht.org.uk/news/heterosexual-hiv-diagnoses-overtake-those-gay-men-first-time-decade#:~:text=Heterosexuals%20were%20also%20far%20more,of%20gay%20and%20bisexual%20men.

He called you Moral high ground grand wizard because you don't find jokes about aids funny? To be honest he sounds more like a wizards sleeve.

Sorry- cross posted!

I would also teach her a new “joke” to replace this one. Given that she doesn’t actually find this funny - she doesn’t understand plus it’s not funny - I don’t think it will be hard to replace.

Given she’s 4 I would probably go for

Dd guess what
what?
poo

and see if that works…..

So the best way I've found to deal with this is to give them a more fun word to say. Like... ahh guess what! I know the most funny word in the world... I do... oh you don't want to know.... oh okay are you ready.. Hallaballoooooo (or insert word of choice). She'll forget your ex's stupid word very quickly.

Also he is absolutely ridiculous for a grown man. I don't imagine this will be the last you see of it unfortunately.

@Pancakepipsqueak or @MoralHighGroundGrandWizard

can you please ask him what makes it 'a joke'
remind him, jokes are supposed to be funny, this is just 'words' it makes no sense?!?!

thank Christ he's your EX, shame you can't make him DDs EX dad.

This is absolutely what I'd do. Replace it with a different joke that she finds funnier. Shouldn't be too hard, 4 year olds find everything funny!

And yeah, remind ex he's an arsehole. He needs telling loudly and often.

Thank you for the feedback everyone. I didn’t think I was being unreasonable but he does not like anything I say and is quick to argue despite me really trying to keep the peace (we’ve been separated 2.5 years and he has another child with another woman now so you’d think he could get over it but maybe not.
i also got a new username out of this thread so win win.

Sorry, he isn’t your husband. He’s your ex. Thank the Lord!

Come on OP, wake up. He's obviously doing it to wind you up. There is absoluetly no way that he expected any other reaction from you, especially now with the infected NHS blood scandal in the news. The "joke" literally translates to "it's funny that people die horribly". The reason immature kids might find it funny is that it's a sexually transmitted diasease that mainly kills gay people. Why would anyone want their daughter laughing at that?

Explain to her people died of it and it's cruel. Deter the repetition of it in whatever way you would deter swearing if she suddenly came home saying a rude word.

It's also disturbing because he must know that she'll repeat this at nursery, and you'd rightly get called in. If I were you I'd stay ahead of the problem and tell the nursery what your ex has done so they're alert and know it's not from you.

I teach teenage boys and have had to teach about AIDs a few times. You always get the ones who try to laugh and nudge their mate as in “that will be you because you’re gay” type “banter”. It is homophobic. They have the excuse of youth on their side. I’m not sure what excuse your husband has other than being a complete and utter tosser (not sorry).

When she says guess what answer with a nonsense word and giggle with her. Trumpaloompa, biggle boggle, ninja winja etc. Create your own joke and hopefully by the time she gets back to Daddy she will get cross with him for not playing it right.

He’s an immature arsehole.

No idea why he thinks making a child say something inappropriate and hurtful without their understanding is funny, but if someone called me a "Moral High Ground Grand Wizard" I'd refuse to ever answer to anything else again.

This is really weird then. I can't fathom it at all.

3 year olds don't know about AIDS, and most won't understand terminal illness. So he must have just taught her the word, and told her it was funny?

Wtf.