To be confused by DH’s bedside manner

I'm ill at the moment and totally understand wanting a handhold... but he is doing everything you need him too, practically, and far more than many other husbands we hear about on here do.

It's okay to feel sorry for yourself - but also appreciate everything that he is doing.

It sucks being ill when you're a grown up and you realise that nobody is going to baby you

Sometimes there are people who are not mind-readers! Tell him: "I am really grateful for all you are doing, but I would dearly love a cuddle and a bit of sympathy!"

Hope you will be feeling better soon; and booking your flu jab for the autumn!

I'm not good at sympathy when DH is ill. I also don't expect sympathy when I'm ill, I'd rather just be left alone til I feel better.

I would like a bit of TLC too, but at least he isn't being like this when you are ill, then being very annoying and needy when he is ill. He is being consistent. Not much consolation though 💐

He sounds like how I am. If DH is ill I'll get him all the medication he wants etc and allow him all the rest he needs and maybe an occasional "sounds rough" comment but the helping is me being sympathetic and that's how he is with me too.

I wouldn't be fussing round him asking if he's OK all the time and I wouldn't expect him to fuss over me either. Practical support all the way over platitudes.

If he’s stepping up and giving you the chance to rest, I wouldn’t worry to much about bedside manner. Esp if he’s like this with himself too.

Im more of a practical suggestions person, not very good at just sympathy.

It’s not lack of caring, it’s just how I help - in my mind that’s the most useful thing to do and I cant really do “oh there there” - I find it hard even with the kids - I default to wanting to problem solve I think.

DH likes to wallow in illness, I can't be bothered I've got things to get on with, so I would do as your DH does pick up the slack, bring hot drinks, check in occasionally, but he's not getting kids of oh poor you and pillow fluffing. It's a cold it will pass.

YABU. What are you wanting exactly? I'd much rather have practical help than someone fussing and commiserating!

I think YABU, a bit. He is asking you how you’re feeling and he’s picked up the slack so you can get some rest. He isn’t expecting you to carry on as usual. His practical suggestions (which are sensible) are his way of helping - some people are better at trying to solve/alleviate a problem on a practical level than they are at nodding sympathetically and saying “There, there, you poor thing, how awful for you”. It doesn’t mean they don’t care - they just show it in a practical way.

YABU, that’s just go some people provide support - im exactly like that! Surely it’s best he’s picked up kids stuff etc

I'm like that if dh is ill...practical. Equally I don't want fuss.

My DH was never especially sympathetic but he loved taking my temperature and writing it on a chart. He gamely dealt with DD1 and the household generally as long as he could take my readings every so often.

Many men depend on 'practical' and are not much for sympathy.

My husband is the same. His way of showing sympathy is to do practical things.

Yes I think YABU
He's stepped up and he is saying if you feel ill take medication before/instead of complaining...that's perfectly reasonable.
When one person is sick the other person also suffers picking up the load.

For a lot of people showing sympathy presents as offering suggestions to help you cope/prevent it happening to you again. It’s just a communication style.