To not tell my friend that I’ve heard a rumour that her DH is having an affair?

Can your DH talk to the man in question and say that it is becoming common knowledge, then advise him to come clean with his wife. This would do less harm and perhaps preserve your friendship, should you want to.

I found out about my husbands affair two years ago and I wish daily that I could go back to being blissfully ignorant. It would have fizzled out well before now and our lives would have gone on unchanged or maybe improved, instead of falling in tatters around us that can never be fixed.

you don’t have proof or firsthand information. Say nothing.

Personally I’d want to know, she can do what she wants with the information and it might not be true but better that she finds out from you than someone else

It's unsubstantiated gossip and sounds like it's also over. Don't get involved. Your friend might already know. You won't be thanked.

Not sure. I probably wouldn't. Reason being they are already acknowledging a bad patch, and working on it with two young DC.

Hopefully he's finished with OW to give it a go. She may already know abyway. Telling her might just complicate things.

Not if it's built on a lie.

He risked the children's happiness.

Children can survive and thrive with separated parents too. Mine separated and it was far nicer than the awful tension when they were together and pretending everything was fine.

Was your friend from a posh part of London by any chance and moved out to a more peaceful place by the sea. ? X

My friend didn't tell me. I have never really been able to forgive her. She could have saved me years of being humiliated and hurt by my exh.

I think you should change your nail lady. Fancy that she tells such gossip. She should know better.

id take my business elsewhere

you don’t know how true this horrid gossipy nail person story is. Clearly she likes to just gossip and cause heartache and chaos. No real proof. Only Nast rumour. Don’t tell your friend, except perhaps tell your friend not to use the nail lady as she’s a gossipy so and so.

Too interfering and manipulative, even if well intentioned.

If your DF and her DH are in the spotlight and talked about regularly is there any chance that your DF may already know but chooses to ignore the gossip?

Tell your DF and strongly point to it being a rumour.

Because she’s a mother and as such would no doubt put her children far far far above the ‘laughing’ of a few sad losers in her village. She will be way way more concerned with her childrens mental health, future security and happiness than being able to ‘blame’ her DH for being an arse hole, whatever the consequences. Who gives a toss about attribution when there’s a much much more important imperative at stake. It’s a question of priorities. She’s not unhappy now. He’s evidently got his tail between his legs. If their marriage suffers in the future maybe it’s time to mention the rumour then, in case OW is back on the scene. Until then though, leave this young family to salvage itself.

Tell that to my friends daughter who self harmed for years after her parents very acrimoniously divorced. Affairs are not a good enough reason ( man or woman) to shatter a child. Men and women have behaved like twats in marriage s since time immemorial. Nobody’s saying it isn’t reprehensible. Kids are too fragile and vulnerable to be exposed to any of this shit if at all avoidable. They do not ‘get over it’. They do not ‘move on’. They do not ‘make their peace with it’ . They are scarred by it. In many many ways.

If she has two young children with him, she's not going to leave him over rumours. So I don't think there's anything to gain but telling her.

I loathe these threads. Of course you should tell her. You’d be an utterly shit friend if you didn’t.

No, their dad caused the pain by shagging around. Why should the mum have to live a lie, be the laughing stock of the village and at risk of STDs?

The only person to blame here is the dad (well and the OW if she know he was married)

I think it's grim that people convinced themselves it's ok for everyone but the woman being cheated on to know.

As the child of a couple where there was an affair let me say this. You may as well go and destroy her childrens home and torment them to the edge of reason - just cut out the middle woman. You’ll achieve nothing but immense and (as things stand between their parents now) totally unnecessary upset to her kids. You really want to do that? You know that it’s over and their parents are at last getting on better - what do you hope to achieve that could compensate for taking that away from them?

Been on the other side of this. When I discovered my husband had been having an affair, inevitably lots of people had known but hadn’t told me.

Not only was I humiliated and angry, I (we!) had made decisions about financial issues, future plans etc that I would never have agreed to if I’d known. It left me at a disadvantage. Your friend deserves to know the truth. Whether what the nail lady has said is true, is another question.

Your nail lady is being far from discreet, engaging in gossip and passing said gossip on. Whether or not your DF husband is cheating, I think you need to be very wary - you need to be really sure of your facts before you divulge anything to your friend, especially gossip passed on via your nail lady. Let’s face it, that’s what it is - gossip. Even if you have your own suspicions, without absolute proof, that’s all they are. Be very careful.

Honestly, I wouldn’t because you don’t have the proof. These things come out anyway so at some point she will find out.

That was my first thought! 😄

Is your friend Meg Ryan?

Maybe just tell her BF?

See what happens then. Can always do it anonymously?