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Original poster

Teenage food

88 replies

MoreCoffee52 · 16/07/2024 19:18

Im trying to loose a lot of Weight. Im Half Way. Lost 16 kiloes since Christmas 🥳
But I have 16 to go. I'm alone with teenage daughter and she is not impressed with the daily menue - I eat a lot of vegetables, as in oven baked red beets, carrots, onion, haricot verte, peas, whatever greens. Steak or grilled chicken- and for her, potatoes, feta and bearnaise. (Example but usually varied as this)
She want a lot more pasta. Cream. Cheese.
And I happily buy and point out she is welcome to cook all she wants.
She, on the other hand, think it is my responsibility as a parent to cook for her taste and she is not to be "left to fend for herself ".
Who is wrong? As it is, she eat frozen pizza, chips or pay for take away while feeling very neglected . She is 16.

OP posts:
Bearybasket · 16/07/2024 21:38

Our teens provide for themselves if they don’t want what the rest of the family is eating but there’s 7 of us.

When I was a teen, it was just me and my dad and we both had quite different tastes. We took turns cooking things we both liked most nights and once or twice a week we both did our own thing.

If you’re the rational adult in the house and you’re not willing to compromise at all then it makes sense that your dd is going to do the same

ActualChips · 16/07/2024 21:34

Haven't you raised her to carry out normal household tasks? She'll be an adult in less than 2 years Confused

S0livagant · 16/07/2024 21:31

Eadfrith · 16/07/2024 21:26

I think if you’ve suddenly changed the food culture in the house then that’s the why of why she’s reacting this way. Maybe you could explore tasty healthy meals that are also satisfying?

Or just eat smaller portions yourself with extra veg on the side.

Mrsttcno1 · 16/07/2024 21:28

takealettermsjones · 16/07/2024 20:46

She's acting spoilt, no doubt about it, but... I can sort of see her point, in a way.

Notice all the hedges - I'm not saying she's 100% right. But I don't think you are either.

Since Christmas does seem quite new, in my opinion. I don't know what your setup was before in terms of her responsibilities, chores, level of self-sufficiency, etc. But if she's lived with you cooking for her every single day for 15 and a half years and then you've suddenly told her she can't have her favourite meals any more or that she needs to make them herself, of course she's going to feel like that's unfair.

Someone once told me that teenagers' brains are basically the same as toddlers' brains: of course she's not going to see any of the counterarguments or understand that she needs to learn the skills for herself. She only sees injustice!

Could you compromise with her sometimes - e.g. rather than making what you want and then adding cheese/cream for her, make what she wants and then remove/substitute things to make it healthier for you? Not all the time, obviously. But appearing willing to compromise might make it easier to have the long term chats about learning to cook for herself.

100% this.

Eadfrith · 16/07/2024 21:26

I think if you’ve suddenly changed the food culture in the house then that’s the why of why she’s reacting this way. Maybe you could explore tasty healthy meals that are also satisfying?

Original poster
MoreCoffee52 · 16/07/2024 21:24

She clean her own room and that is it.
Actually i see a pattern here 😂🤯

OP posts:
Gcsunnyside23 · 16/07/2024 21:24

Does she do anything around the house to help or does she deem everything as parental responsibility??

wintersgold · 16/07/2024 21:22

Why can't you just make a pot of pasta etc. along with whatever you're cooking? And if she wants anything more complicated than that she can make it herself

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/07/2024 21:12

RookieMa · 16/07/2024 19:27

My DD has a friend whos MUM never ever cooks for her

DD, her friends and us the parents all see this as sad and neglectful

What about dad? Does he do all of the cooking or do they cook themselves?

sentfrmmyiphone · 16/07/2024 20:58

at 16 she either eats what i put in front of her or she cooks her own! she's old enough to know why you are trying to eat healthy.. and if she wants pizza and pasta, then let her crack on

Original poster
MoreCoffee52 · 16/07/2024 20:58

Do not negotiate with terroists 😂🤗

OP posts:
Original poster
MoreCoffee52 · 16/07/2024 20:56

I do cook for her several times a week - lasagna that last 2 days and often also roast dinner in the weekend. So, 3 days she has "her" dinner.
I guess it is different from before Christmas. We had a lot of mc Donald's and a lot of pasta. But I was 30 kiloes overweight (she is still really slim) and I just could not do it anymore.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 16/07/2024 20:54

With that attitude, hell would freeze over before I fell in with her demands. She can eat what is given, get something herself, or go without.

Parental responsibility is to provide food. You have.

As I put it to my kids, it's my choice what goes in front of you, it's your choice what goes into you.

Do not negotiate with terrorists.

Workaholic99 · 16/07/2024 20:49

My mum would cook one meal a day for the family and we would have to fend for ourself for the other meal - could try thar approach

takealettermsjones · 16/07/2024 20:46

She's acting spoilt, no doubt about it, but... I can sort of see her point, in a way.

Notice all the hedges - I'm not saying she's 100% right. But I don't think you are either.

Since Christmas does seem quite new, in my opinion. I don't know what your setup was before in terms of her responsibilities, chores, level of self-sufficiency, etc. But if she's lived with you cooking for her every single day for 15 and a half years and then you've suddenly told her she can't have her favourite meals any more or that she needs to make them herself, of course she's going to feel like that's unfair.

Someone once told me that teenagers' brains are basically the same as toddlers' brains: of course she's not going to see any of the counterarguments or understand that she needs to learn the skills for herself. She only sees injustice!

Could you compromise with her sometimes - e.g. rather than making what you want and then adding cheese/cream for her, make what she wants and then remove/substitute things to make it healthier for you? Not all the time, obviously. But appearing willing to compromise might make it easier to have the long term chats about learning to cook for herself.

S0livagant · 16/07/2024 20:39

MoreCoffee52 · 16/07/2024 19:37

Since Christmas. So not new. We have 50 steps to nearest supermarket and she can buy if she need anything. No problem.

Was the food she grew up with different? If so, I'd still cook her favourites at least once a week, and eat them with her as a family. I would expect some help with meal prep though.

Original poster
MoreCoffee52 · 16/07/2024 19:41

Thank you. I was beginning to think I was in the wrong. I will continue to make my healthy - and actually really tasty! - dinners and continue to offer her to both join in, and for her to make her own. But i really feel that I don't want to make different dinner for her, she is welcome to to herself.

OP posts:
PixieLaLar · 16/07/2024 19:41

MoreCoffee52 · 16/07/2024 19:33

Today's dinner was oven baked potatoes, red beets, carrots. Grilled chicken breast. Feta and bearnaise. And a mixed green salad.
She is not having any. Won't even try.
I told her I would help her cook anything else she wanted but no. I have to do it, not her. She won't help me. She want me to make something she like as spaghetti carbonara or pay for mc Donald.
Is my dinner really so awful ?? I don't want to eat pasta, cream or cheese, I really need to lose the last 16 kiloes..

Why are you even allowing her to speak to you like that and not shutting her down with her bratty demands? It’s no wonder teens are so badly behaved when even their own parents let them act like this.

Newuser75 · 16/07/2024 19:38

Could you maybe meet in the middle? So either a few nights a week she cooks for herself and a few nights a week you cook for her?

Or a few nights a week do something that you have both agreed on but that still fits into your diet plan?

Or maybe two versions of the same kind of meal that suits you both? I know it's a pain but in my family we have one vegetarian, two meat lovers and one with a milk allergy so often make different meals. Eg tonight the meat lovers have lamb wraps with a bit of cheese, without cheese for the one with allergy and the vegetarian a bean wrap. Something like that maybe?

Original poster
MoreCoffee52 · 16/07/2024 19:37

Since Christmas. So not new. We have 50 steps to nearest supermarket and she can buy if she need anything. No problem.

OP posts:
Mildrewish · 16/07/2024 19:37

Lmao at 'parental responsibility' - hilarious! You're providing food. Sounds like nice food tbh.

Does she think part of being a parent is being a personal chef all their lives? Remind her of this if she has picky kids of her own in future 😂

AppleKatie · 16/07/2024 19:37

She is being unreasonable. There’s your dinner, there’s the fridge and count yourself lucky there are three choices is what I would say!

DadJoke · 16/07/2024 19:36

Your "parental responsbility" is to provide her with healthy, nutritious food. Hers is to eat it, or make her own. You could batch cook some pasta once in a while.

It's not hard for her to add grated cheese or cream to any food you make.

S0livagant · 16/07/2024 19:34

MoreCoffee52 · 16/07/2024 19:33

Today's dinner was oven baked potatoes, red beets, carrots. Grilled chicken breast. Feta and bearnaise. And a mixed green salad.
She is not having any. Won't even try.
I told her I would help her cook anything else she wanted but no. I have to do it, not her. She won't help me. She want me to make something she like as spaghetti carbonara or pay for mc Donald.
Is my dinner really so awful ?? I don't want to eat pasta, cream or cheese, I really need to lose the last 16 kiloes..

Did she grow up with similar food or is it a sudden change to what she is used to?

Original poster
MoreCoffee52 · 16/07/2024 19:33

Today's dinner was oven baked potatoes, red beets, carrots. Grilled chicken breast. Feta and bearnaise. And a mixed green salad.
She is not having any. Won't even try.
I told her I would help her cook anything else she wanted but no. I have to do it, not her. She won't help me. She want me to make something she like as spaghetti carbonara or pay for mc Donald.
Is my dinner really so awful ?? I don't want to eat pasta, cream or cheese, I really need to lose the last 16 kiloes..

OP posts: