In laws invited his ex over while we are here

Well I’m with you OP. I think it’s bloody weird. I like my Ex to remain safely in the past. Why are they bringing your in laws fortnum and mason hampers?. That costs a huge amount. It’s hardly a bunch of flowers. Sounds to me like his ex can’t let go. Most people would just move on. It’s not like they were married for years. They dated practically as teens. Your in laws are very insensitive to still be fawning after her and your husband must be pretty thick skinned to not realise it could upset you. Think I would bugger off home too.

I’m still friends with an ex (long relationship - people thought we’d be getting married). I’m friends with his wife. He is friends with my husband. His DD and my DD (now both adults) are friends. I see his parents if they are in the area (mine are dead).

To me you’re over reacting but that’s me 🤷‍♀️

This is entirely your issue because you’re feeling unattractive in yourself. Your insecurity is your issue and your DH and PIL aren’t doing anything they shouldn’t by meeting with her. To them she is just an old friend. Storming home and refusing to attend the wedding would make you look quite silly in my view.

I was the ex and was invited to their wedding. I went with my now DH. I even ended up unexpectedly emergency babysitting one afternoon.

It's really not an issue unless the OP turns it into one.

I find it really bloody weird that she is buying a Fortnums hamper for her ex's parents' wedding anniversary. That's the sort of thing I would do for my own parents but not my ex's. It does feel like a power move or act of manipulation rather than an appropriate friendly gesture.

Totally agree with this and I don't understand why a lot of pp can't understand what an uncomfortable situation it is for OP. Especially given how her DH has " bigged up" how attractive and what a catch this ex was.

Inwas going to suggest this. My in laws call dhs ex the daughter they never had and treat her like a princess. They don't like me very much. We don't spend much time with them as a result.

Yes, she's coming over as an entirely normal person who is a bit insecure about her looks. Many women are. Jesus, people like you are horrible.

If he and he's ex was going to be together they wouid be now it's all platonic and a friendships been established shes happy with a partner. Had she of been alone I'd agree that it was weird she might be a lovely person put your jealousy aside as that will make you seem less attractive.

I get why you are uncomfortable. I'm in a similar situation. I just feel like my feelings don't count and I don't want to be around someone who's slept with my dp before me. It is weird.

Are your in-laws closer to her than they are to you? I think THAT would bother me. Perhaps that’s why you are feeling funny about this?

Blimey your DH really is insensitive isn't he?
Calling her the " it" girl?
Sounds as though he is almost trying to put you in your place. Make you grateful he chose you and didn't stay with her.

Nor me. Sod that for a game of soldiers. I'd make some excuse about not feeling well and go home, and I wouldn't be back in a hurry. My ex FIL used to go on about how gorgeous my DH's previous girlfriend was. He was absolutely aware of how uncomfortable it made me - that was exactly why he was doing it. I would be very wary of your in-laws from now on. This strikes me as distinctly passive aggressive behaviour on their part - of course people can understand why you wouldn't want your husband's gorgeous ex thrust into your face. Fuckers.

Why? Why would most of us go to dinner with our in laws and dhs ex? To make the inlaws happy? Why else?

There's really not a lot wrong with this Op but you own insecurity is getting to you. Just because a woman is very attractive doesn't mean that your DH hasn't got over her, quite frankly I'd be more concerned about his behaviour after they broke up when he behaved very badly. He's going to meet a lot of women in his life and if you don't trust him it's going to be a long, difficult life.

No but most people would find it a bit odd going to spend time with your wife's ex boyfriends who were only briefly together, split up 8 years ago who treated her like shit's parents frequently no?

Doesn't have to hate the dh but most people would find that odd no?

I'd give your in-laws the benefit of the doubt regarding the forgotten meet up, but the dinner is a step too far. My toes curl just thinking about the potential for awkward silences. I'd still be going to the wedding. There'll be loads of folk there and it'll be easy to maintain a civil distance.

I find the childish part is her reaction in not wanting to go to dinner etc not her feelings. I'm sure most of us would have at least a momentary internal wobble but then get on with it in an adult way.

YANBU x

Why should she have to make an effort with someone who she doesn't want in her life? The op is not interested in being friends with her, and I'm sure she doesn't want to use her annual leave to socialise with her. If her husband wants to maintain a distant friendship, that's fine. It's totally unreasonable for her husband and his parents to unilaterally decide the op has to befriend this woman. This whole scenario is just ridiculous.

Gently I think you are over reacting. I understand you're feeling insecure although it sounds as if you have no reason to be and it's yourself making you feel this way. Go to the meal and get to know her you'll likely find yourself enjoying the company of another mum given you've young children in common so you've at least a conversation starter.

I think it's odd ILs have planned dinner for you all tbh.

If they want dinner with her & her husband-fine but why involve you?

Your husband isn't in contact with her-why is he so keen to go?

This really.

Plus it's not like the ex dumped him and he was heartbroken and wanted her back. He openly admitted to treating her badly.

And why wouldn't he be secure? Is he supposed to beat his chest and offer to fight your DH or something 😂