In laws invited his ex over while we are here

Plus. A lot of women who are happy putting another woman in that situation would not be happy, if tables were turned.

Would your husband be happy if the shoe was on the other foot. I doubt it.

I was treated a bit like a daughter by the parents if an ex before & after we split up. When we both got married to our respective partners his wife put a stop to the situation. I completely understood.

You're jealous because he slept with a more attractive (your words) woman than you. Howver, he MARRIED you. You should take some solace in that.

It's weird and I wouldn't want to spend my annual leave with DH's ex either, especially if my in laws think of her as a "daughter" and DH called her the "it" girl.

Fuck that. I'd put DS in the car and go home in peace.

Tbh op this is only uncomfortable because you're making it a big deal. By a certain age most people have exes in their past and its not that uncommon for people to move in the same social circles afterwards which is really all that's happening here.

The ONLY issue that's actually causing problems here is your low self esteem and inability to stop comparing yourself to her. If you were able to stop doing that then this would be a non issue.

Perhaps the in-laws thought it would break the ice between before the wedding?

Another YANBU, I'd feel uncomfortable.

It’s much easier for him to be comfortable though, as he isn’t left wondering why his in-laws are facilitating/ encouraging this.

If I were in your shoes, I'd probably be feeling the same way. However, from what you've shared, your husband is not really in the wrong here, it seems he's just trying to be nice to her. About your in-laws feeling this way about her, I'd just shrug my shoulders, you're not married to them, after all. In spite of how it's affecting you, I'd have dinner with them, and I'd look in the mirror and remind myself that I am the queen of the castle, not her. Just shove your insecurities under the rug, and feel good about yourself. You're the only one who can validate yourself in this situation, you've got to be your own best friend in times like these.

The point that some are overlooking is that only the OP knows if she is comfortable with this situation, and this particular ex girlfriend. If she is, that's absolutely fine and she can determine what level of contact she's happy to have with her and her family. That's her decision.

What is absolutely NOT ok in this situation is the in-laws contriving situations where the ex pops up out of nowhere (with a very expensive and OTT gift to boot) and catches her on the back foot, and that then she finds herself being railroaded into going out to dinner with them in short succession. That is a massive overreach by the in-laws in her and her husband's relationship, and her DH seems only too happy to go along with it. That is massively disrespectful.

If she goes along with it, what next? Will she find the in-laws have invited them on the family holiday next year?

OP, you are not being unreasonable. You are not helping yourself with your comments about her relative attractiveness, which many have latched onto, but you are not being unreasonable. The situation is inappropriate and weird, and I say that as someone who numbers an ex and his wife amongst my DH and my closest friends.

I think you need to get over yourself.

I don’t think the in-laws are doing anything wrong maintaining a relationship with someone they were once close to, there’s no reason for them to stop seeing her, sounds like it’s a nice relationship and I’m sure no intention for her to arrive when you were there. That said your DH should have said no to dinner after you made it clear you’re uncomfortable. I do think you’re over reacting but perhaps it’s low self esteem, but I’m sure many would feel the same way as you, so you’re not unreasonable. Your DH clearly wants to catch up, and given her husband is going to be there I wouldn’t be worried but he could put your feelings first

Yeah I agree it's wierd. It's wierd of in laws to invite them round while you're there. To plan a big family meal with his ex. For you DH to suggest putting the kids to sleep together in the cot. And for him to insist on still going to the meal with his ex without his family. You've said you're not comfortable with it. His wife isn't comfortable with it. That's more important with catching up with an ex he hasn't seen in 8 years imo.

Mega over-reaction here..

Effectively, these people are friends of your partners parents. Thats all.

They've over-stepped slightly by issuing an invite to dinner in front of the other party where you're then pushed to accept as to decline is awkward and potentially rude... yes, doesn't matter who the other party is in that context.

But them simply being invited and due to your change of plans, this being forgotten is not some heinous crime nor is it a big deal, and getting funny about the two kids having a nap in the same cot is ... bizarre.

It's a bit strange the ex and her family are such close friend with your husband's family, yet your husband hasn't seen her in years? Did I get that right?

It's equally weird to suggest to all have dinner together, yet you have never met these people and your husband apparently doesn't have much contact with her. That's a lot all at once.

Also, the napping in the cot? If the two kids were friends and you were all friends and had known each other for years and were very close, I could understand it. Now it's just awkward all around.

Yeah, I'm really wondering how many men would be just cool with having to hang out with their wife's really handsome, eligible ex at the behest of her parents.

I wouldn't be impressed either op. Firstly why is she still friends with the parents of a guy she had a short relationship with who treated her badly?

Secondly who forgets they have guests coming? I'm guessing they didn't forget but felt uncomfortable so just played forgetful.

I'd also be annoyed at the forced going out together, they suggested it in front of you giving no option other than to say yes.

I wouldn't want to go either.

What I don’t understand is why your husband is not asking you how you feel about it all and if he finds out you’re uncomfortable he should respect your feelings and the sanctity of your vows. I just don’t see respect for you or for your marriage.

It wouldn't bother me. They split up and both met other partners. She obviously became close with his parents - perhaps at that young age they supported her in a way her own parents didn't? Maybe they just all grew close and saw no need to end the friendship when their son wasn't bothered about it and both of them moved on?

It sounds like you're insecure in your relationship, OP, and that's a worry. I don't think anyone has done anything wrong here and I expect everyone just thinks it would be lovely if you all got along. Obviously you don't have to do that if you don't want to. I would maybe think about why you feel insecure. Is it all you, does your H make you feel less than, have you been having problems? Forget about his ex and focus on your own relationship.

Brilliant advice.

Wow I’m being honest here, I would be fuming! I would absolutely not want to go to the dinner, life is too short to spend with people that should be left in the past! If that makes me uncool and insecure so be it.

I have spent lots of time with my dh’s ex, but that’s because our dc are half siblings so obviously I’ve made the effort as I don’t have a choice. You have no connection whatsoever to this ex so I wouldn’t bother going.

All the rest of it aside, I cannot understand why on earth she would even want to be in the same room as him after how awfully he treated her.
I’d have zero respect for him.

Great for you but everyone is different and if she feels unhappy and jealous about it her feelings are valid.

You're comfortable with it. She isn't. She is allowed to choose who she socialises with believe it or not?

Not unreasonable at all. It would really upset me and you need to talk to your DH about it