In laws invited his ex over while we are here

But @Thatsmybunnysir it's not all about how attractive she is versus what you think you look like, he married you not her, so you won.

The challenge is chatting to your DHs ex and her partner without it being a chore...

If you dont go, you'll probably feel your DH was disloyal to you, so I think youd be better off going. Either way though, your reaction suggests theres trouble brewing... I do hope I'm wrong.

I'm still friendly with an ex's parents. Our parents were friends and although my relationship broke up decades ago, his parents and I still send each other Xmas cards and pop in if in their area. They came to my wedding when I eventually married someone else. I don't have any issue with their son and have got on with both his wives. It's a complete non-issue.

A pp said there would be loads of awkward silences at the meal. I think everyone other than the OP will be having a good time despite the OP sulking. It's clear that the ex is no threat but her dh might start reassessing his attraction to the OP if she lets this jealousy fester.

There is no way I would want to meet any of my DH’s ex’s and be forced to spend time with them. Your DH and in laws are being very disrespectful and insensitive towards you. I would also be on my way home immediately.

There’s a lot of cool wives on Mumsnet but I’m definitely not one of them!

Chuckling to myself that so many posters are pretending that they would be ok with this and telling the OP she needs to work on her self esteem. On Mumsnet, which is full of women who enjoy nothing more than trying to pull other women down cos of their own insecurities.
Yeah it's weird @Thatsmybunnysir and there's not many women who would be ok with this despite what some of these posters are insisting 🙄

There's nothing wrong with your in-laws being friendly with an ex but you do sound very insecure and a bit bonkers. There's also nothing wrong with two babies having a nap together, what do you think could happen?
I'm actually a bit confused as to why you feel this way.

I agree.
Very inconsiderate of them.
Let everyone tell you that you are unreasonable to have any feelings on this matter.h🙄
I would be seriously unimpressed with my in laws for their fxxk up and they wouldn't be seeing me for dust.
As for your husband, let him off.
If he is also dismissive of your feelings, you have the heads up on him too.
I cannot think of many I'm laws that really cared, would be so casual and cavalier....but this is MN so who knows!

Maybe you have a better personality though. Obviously he prefers you despite your perceived less attractiveness, there is more to someone than their appearance! Or maybe he doesn't see her as more attractive at all.

I am still friends with exes and see them, stay with them, their new partners and kids so I don't think it's weird in that sense. But I would find it out of order if my parents invited one of my exes out to dinner with my partner and me and didn't give any warning. There's often a little awkwardness in these situations and it's only fair for people to know what to expect and have the option to bow out with a suitable excuse.

I think I'd go along with it this time but make it clear to your partner that in future you would like to be warned. Try and see her as friends of his parents and not as the ex.

Maybe take a leaf out of his book and try to feel more secure. You saying she's 'better' than you makes me feel sorry that you seem so insecure. It's not that abnormal to be vaguely friendly with your ex and they were together a long time ago, she's married now and so is he. Try to relax a bit as it sounds like you're about to cause some drama which will reflect badly on you.

Tbh she is very forgiving to be in the same room as him! I think you need to nod and smile through it. Just ensure it doesn’t happen again. The dinner is over familiar but I’d put up with it. I would not tantrum over it it may put his back up and push them closer together. Your ex seems to see her as an old friend hence your children playing together. Her dh knew about it, to you it was a surprise which made it worse. I would have a serious chat with dh once your home and hope he understands your feelings!

All of this bullshit accepts the premise that she’d ‘better’ because you think she’s more conventionally good looking. She’s not better than you (or if she is then it’s certainly not for this reason), toss that idea out and hold your head high. Jesus Christ, woman, you need to have a word with yourself.

Right posted before I read your thread. There are some great resources about self esteem out there - it could really help you with your insecurity. Your husband chose you. End of. This is a you problem and you will feel much better about yourself if you work on it.

Supreme confidence is the ultimate sexiness. Own your worth OP.

I’d probably feel different if she were less attractive/had an obvious flaw but that’s not the case. It’s hard seein someone your DH was with when they are “better’ than you.

Seriously, just because she is gauged more beautiful in today’s beauty standards, it doesn’t mean she is better or worth more than you. She is also a person on the inside and may not truly see herself as any more beautiful anyone else. Looks is only one element of a person and your dh chose you, not his ex.

Also beauty is nothing to be measuring yourself against, though the patriarchy well and truly has us by the short and curlies on this one. But DON'T give into this type of thinking.

If beauty made a man stay with a woman, why is Brad Pitt no longer with Angelina Jolie? Why did MGK be unfaithful to Megan Fox. These women are SO beautiful but things fell apart for both of them.

There's so much more to a relationship than beauty. So stop comparing yourself. There is so much more to love than superficial beauty and you know it so stop letting your inner debbie downer try and sabotage you.

You are massively over reacting. Have stayed with several exs and their wives, with partner and when single. What are you worried about?

OP you've got to put your best Gywneth Paltow face on and suck it up. You've got to appear serene, secure and comfortable and laugh merrily. It will all be fine.

Fake it till you make it. Don't be that bunny boiler.

Good luck!

Because she’s throwing a childish strop about something most people can take in their stride.

I’m sorry OP, but really you are being childish here and behaving jealously is bad for everyone in the long term.

Your husband either knows how to behave or he doesn’t, and you flouncing won’t change that.

If PIL were trying to say “this is the quality our son really should be with”, I would just go down the route of bemused pity, rather than letting your low self worth get in the way. Go to the dinner, have a lovely time. If you don’t there will be an unnecessary atmosphere, and you will torture yourself about it.

Easy to see where dh got his logic from.... It would be me packed and gone..

I would hate this @Thatsmybunnysir and don't think you're being unreasonable in feeling deeply uncomfortable. But that said, I wouldn't take DC and go home. I'd stick it out and have a fab time at the wedding.

Honestly, you’re allowed to feel jealous and a bit upset BUT this is one of those things where you’re going to have to get your big girl pants on and play along. She’s done nothing wrong, it’s a bit weird on PIL’s part but it is what it is now, and if her DH can be OK with it you’re going to have to as well.

Also, remember your DH picked you and did the dirty on her - there’s a reason for it so you might think she’s more attractive but I’m sure your DH doesn’t.

I think you're over reacting. I have a number of exes - one exH and a few ex boyfriends before him.

I still see one of the ex BFs and his wife (we were all part of the same crowd at Uni and a couple of times a year we get together) and went to his parent's funeral. I see the exH and his wife at family events (we have adult DC together) and the wife and I enjoy catching up, I like her (and I'm very happy she's married to him and I'm not)

It's perfectly possible to LIKE your ex, wish the best for them, but not want to be with them. I don't regret marrying the exH, but I'm eternally grateful that young and stupid me didn't marry the boyfriend!

You have no reason to feel insecure. He rejected her, he chose you.

It would upset me too. It’s weird. I’d have to go home.

My sister still in close contact with an ex MiL -she was only married for 18 months, and the divorce was over 50 years ago,

That's up to the two of them though.

Or does MIL also arrange meet ups with your sister, ex & new spouses?

I don't think the cot thing is weird at all, if they both needed a nap, and there was only 1 cot.

Agree.
I’m with you.

The ex is a weirdo to be bringing hampers to her ex’s parents and visiting their house.
The PILs are out of line for being so disrespectful of OP and her DH relationship and their family unit.

Let’s see how the in laws like it when OP starts having her exBF at gatherings and dinners. Or digs up her FILs exGF, befriends her, and has her over together with MIL.