In laws invited his ex over while we are here

You sound insecure and a bit dramatic, that is on you to sort out

What is MN if it's not a resource for us to share our concerns and worries and ask for feed back?

Why the constant race to be as cunty to the OP as possible, thread after thread.

Btw OP, I'd suck it up but not dinner.

This!!!

This is what’s actually going on.
Out of all the people they could choose to spend their free time with, does it need to be their ExBF parents?

OP, you should be gracious and not give them a single thing to pull you up on. Enjoy the wedding. Then “oh PIL, don’t worry about your mix up with the dinner invites, we don’t need to go, so you can keep your invitation to ex. Smiling breezily.
Then grey rock.”

That essentially sums it up

And I don't believe for a second that they are all 'just' friends - he shagged her best friend two days after dumping her. The woman hates his guts and the relationship with his parents is meant to punish him/show him what he missed out on. Her husband knows this and is acting cool. The parents are sending you a passive aggressive message about your suitability for their son and how they would like you to perform in the role of DIL. The whole thing is obviously a massive ego stroke for your DH so unsurprisingly he loves it. That ego stroke is coming at your expense and they are all behaving disrespectfully to you. Textbook middle class passive aggressive dishonest bullshit and your best bet is to not play along for a second and nip it in the bud right now. Go to the wedding but just decline the dinner and don't give an excuse. Let them hold the discomfort they're happy to put on you so they can play their little games

So you really can't see that the in-laws surprising an ex-girlfriend on their daughter-in-law, completely without warning, is completely insensitive? Then coercing their dil to do it again or look foolish for refusing. I'm struggling to see why you can't see what crap behaviour that is. Of course it's likely to be awkward for their dil. They cannot be that clueless, surely? Or you?

I actually wouldn't go to the dinner and I'd make DH stay away too. If you go it is establishing a precedent that you are friends and socialise and the ILs will want a repeat

Why did you decide to come to IL's a day early? Who's idea was that? Any chance DH knew they were expecting visitors?

Why? That's a genuine question. What offends you about this?

Clearly there are people in this thread who are at the polar opposite of how I feel about this, so I'd like to understand what it is that I'm missing. I'm far from cool, but no-one in my late husband's past has ever made me feel threatened.

I don’t think any of this is weird or that anyone has acted unreasonably or improperly.

She doesn’t have any difficulty with the fact that you are the woman who got her man … her DH obvious no qualms about socialising with her ex / your DH.

The thing about you thinking she is better than you in done way is in your head. Find your confidence.

But in the end, your feelings are your feelings.

Don’t go home, that would be a scene, and will permanently change the relationship with your ILs.

Have a quiet word with your DH, and develop ‘other commitments’ , if you must.

Honestly I get you feeling a bit awkward but I'd be too proud to kick up a fuss and refuse to go to dinner. I think it would reflect badly on you ie bunny boiler wife couldn't be in same room as ex even though everyone is amicable etc. shallow of me maybe but I'd go to show how completely secure I am in my relationship.

I have the utmost respect for exes who move on but still get along and respect each other as people. Why anyone who never overlapped with a partner's previous relationship would be so freaked out, I really don't know.

You're all married with kids. I honestly don't know what you're so wound up about. Wanting to go home so you don't have to see them again, is just odd (in my opinion).

I would feel exactly the same as you OP. Everyone saying you are overreacting and shouldn’t care… well yes they are right, ideally you shouldn’t care. But you do. And you are perfectly entitled to put yourself first, not go to dinner with her, tell your husband you’re not happy with the situation and seek his support.

My DH went to a family funeral without me; ILs invited ex who was, by then, a friend of the family (long distance and I couldn’t leave kids). He was chatting to her and someone said ‘Ah this must be your wife’. Much hilarity all round - and he had dumped her and she was still single!

Honestly I couldn’t care less. I’m the winner here - he chose me. I understand he was part of her life, as were his family, and I have no insecurities about that.

You’re making yourself crazy - he loves you and chose you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Talk to her. You will look like the bigger person and you may ever like her!

I’d find it irritating and weird but I’d put my big girl pants on. I’d make an effort to be friendly with her so I don’t look like a fruitcake. You might also like her more if she’s less ‘mysterious ex’ and more ‘normal human being’ once you get talking to her.

What's your relationship with your in-laws, OP? Do you think the ex has a better relationship with them?

You don't have to be comfortable with this, but running off with your son to avoid the dinner is a bit much.

You can sit the dinner out, but unless you have reason to believe someone there will harm your son, there's no reason he shouldn't enjoy this time with his family.

Don't be so insecure. You're the one wearing the ring.

Your Hs relationship with this woman, 2.5 years when they were young is completely inconsequential OP, in fact if your presumably decent man treated her that badly he was surely barely the same person. So irrelevant is this short period of time in his youth that she's more a friend of his mum and dad than anything to do with his life. So yes, YABU. Go to dinner with a nice couple of friends of your in laws, because that's all they are.

Sure people can be “friends” with whoever they like. But also remember that OP, you hold all the cards.

You can stay away from the weirdo in laws and keep your children away too, if you are uncomfortable and feel disrespected.

When your in laws start needing help, or wondering why they don’t see their GC, they might wish they gave a little more consideration for their DIL.

A big nope that weird from me.

The only person that's being weird here is you. Really can't understand why you are bothered. If it's just jealousy you her to get over that. Jealously is not a nice trait.

Whether I felt comfortable or not I would be going to that dinner and being my fabulous self, any other reaction and you come out of it looking like the bad guy/immature etc.
Realistically it's a dinner it's not the start of a regular event you can do it. By all means say to your DH after, I did that because I didn't want to cause upset with your family, but I expect you to have my back if it comes up again and I'm letting you know I don't want to spend time with her.

I actually think I'd be fine with any of DHs exes barring one, DH and I were friends from secondary school so I knew most of them anyway, and we got on fine, but there was one in particular who told lies about me to try and stop us being friends. In all honesty she was probably insecure about the connection we've always had, and let's be honest rightly so given we are now married and have been together fifteen years. However I would never have cheated and neither would he. That's the implication I didn't like, that I was the scarlet woman who couldn't be trusted around her boyfriend...

I'm with you OP, I would HATE this!!

No big deal. Honestly

You think two strange 1 year olds in the same cot would just go to sleep nicely and stay out of each others way and not wake each other up? Haha obviously you don't have a child!