In laws invited his ex over while we are here

You sound absolutely pathetic. This is a really strange over reaction and I think you need to self reflect and get a grip.

That’s how I see it.

The amount of people who are trying to find and say there are ulterior motives sound like they are looking for drama.

We were originally not coming until Wednesday, we changed our mind and came yesterday instead. Apparently they had messages his ex on Friday and planned her coming round and totally blanked when we came early. I do find it hard to believe she wouldn't message when she was on the way or the morning of to check it's ok?

I would either guess they are the type that have an open door policy on visitors (there have been countless threads on this). They planned her coming around not the other way around, so why would she need to check again?

Everyone sounds content but you because of your own insecurities about yourself. Your DH loves you or is this more about what your DH did in the past, actually meeting the person he did this to and possibly wondering if he would do the same to you?

Your inlaws are wankers. I'm not insecure at all and I'd be livid at the principle of this.

Because they'd become friends? And she didn't hold it against them when their son treated her badly? And when she and their son became friendly again six months afterwards there was really no reason not to continue being friends? And she and her husband are visiting the area for this wedding?

Sounds to me that the in-laws, the ex, her husband, and OP's husband are mature and decent people. Good for them.

What’s weird is they still invite her over? Why?

I think the only reason I would be uncomfortable with it is because, you are being confronted with his previous bed partner. I know we all have a history, we just don't need to be throwing it at the new partner.

You're way too grown up for this thread.

I feel as though I've been reading a whole lot of posts written by 15 year olds with very active imaginations.

YABU in the way you’re reacting to it.

I think you are over reacting. I am still friends with my ex’s mother and see her a lot. I had one of my ex’s as an usher at my wedding.
Husband still keeps in touch with his ex.
we are together and that is that - ex’s are ex for a reason and you need to get on with it or risk looking insecure and petty

I’m still friends with one of my exes (we’re part of a large group of friends from uni) and went to his wedding. Regularly see him, his DW and children. They have been to stay here numerous times. It’s not weird if you’re all adults and there are no residual feelings.

its only weird if one still wants to be with the other one.

The whole situation is bloody weird. Emotional intelligence of her DH is as low as it can get. I think it’s crap when people are expected to be ‘mature’ about these situations when really it is very hurtful. Chi’s showing disrespect to his partner and her feelings.
There is a similar situation in my extended family which is causing a lot of hurt to,the new wife. I want to tell the ex to fuck off and leave the couple alone. If the couple were close relatives I would have stuck my oar years ago and told the ex to fuck right off.

Good post. If the OP deigns to attend she could also very audibly commend the Ex for her generosity of spirit in still wanting to socialise with someone who dumped her and slept with her best friend in 48 hours, how generous of her....Also how is her best friend?

Because it’s bloody weird.

Threads like this are always cluttered up with personal, 'what I would do' takes on an OP's particular predicament. Whether this would bother us personally or not is immaterial. OP is bothered.

I'll contribute the perspective that it's the in-laws' behaviour that's most troubling in this situation. No one is telling them who they can and can't be friends with: they're at liberty to see who they wish and do what they want with their time. That's not what's happening here. The 'oooh, what a coincidence'/'whoops! we forgot' responses - the sort of thing Muriel's Wedding mercilessly took the piss out of - are extremely weak. They could have done this any time and happened to choose your visit, complete with an OTT gesture in the form of an expensive present? Cynical me doesn't believe in that kind of coincidence.

There's a strong possibility your in-laws have orchestrated this situation, not least because they've now tacked dinner onto the happy party as well. DH's ex is probably oblivious. But the only reason I can see that parents-in-law would do this is to send a covert message of disapproval to their DiL. It's shoddy behaviour.

Your immediate inclination is to remove yourself from that situation and go home, and I don't blame you. But if the in-laws are looking for a reason to disapprove openly, this would give them one, and you can bet they'd start making noises about your neurotic insecurity. I'd style it out: be gracious to DH's ex, make a point of making conversation with her, and kill them with kindness.

On arrival home I'd do things: be VERY pissed off with DH and extremely leery of my in-laws in future. If necessary, this would mean creating distance in the relationship and putting all the onus on DH to maintain the relationship between the DC and their grandparents.

I'm sure that's not the outcome anyone wanted, but you're entitled to preserve your own dignity and mental health. As the old cliche goes: play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

If I had an arrangement to see my son's ex I can't see me forgetting & not cancelling if my son was to arrive early.

Maybe PIL told him & he was OK with it?

Either way I certainly then wouldn't be making further arrangements with them whilst my son was visiting!

Op I'd decline the dinner & let the others do as they wish.

You'll all be at the wedding-can't your husband wait until then to see her again??

Completely agree.
Every word of it.
The Ex was treated badly and then he slept with her best friend...oh she definitely wants to be friends.🙄

Her likely wish to make him squirm is her business, the OP's husband is a twit, .....but his parents facilitating such disrespect, is awful.

OP, you are not the least bit wrong to feel distaste for them all.
I certainly would be looking at my husband and his family with fresh eyes.
They wouldn't be seeing me anytime soon.

Even if some posters think they'd be comfortable with this situation, the OP is clearly rattled by it - I'd also find it strange if my ILs were friends with my DH's ex from 10 years ago and if she was so involved she dropped off a Fortnum's hamper and hung around for 2.5 hours.

If I was the OP and felt this uncomfortable I'd ask my DH if we might go out together alone the night of the dinner instead. Find a babysitter or ask ILs to babysit. Reassert your partnership/relationship and keep the ex and ILs out of it.
All the comments re the OP 'won' or has a better personality etc - that's hardly the point. She and the ex are happy together and that's the main thing.

I think he's being a bit of an insensitive dick to the OP and should put her feelings more central. I'd be pretty unhappy if my DH wanted to go out to dinner w ILs/his ex and I said I didn't and he didn't check in with me more about why not and whether we might do something else.

I definitely agree this is her motive. Why else would someone remain friends with the parents of the guy who shagged her best mate.

His parents just probably think she's lovely.

And your dh is probably pleased everyone is happy and hasn't questioned why this woman is still in his families life

@rainbow126 The parents may view her as a family friend, but it doesn’t mean that the OP needs to socialize with her again after this visit. They can still see her when the OP and their GC aren’t there.

She may have started out as your partner’s ex, but she’s now just a family friend. You’re going to have to let this one go.

The whole thing is weird. Why is she still friendly with your in laws?! Why is your DH still in touch with her anyway? What was the ex’s DH thinking throughout all of this?! I’m sorry, it’s so weird.

Completely insensitive, shitty behaviour from them. YANBU OP. Definitely the cool wives out in force on this thread! Most people would not be cool with this.

You will receive various opinions for & against your feelings OP. Personally I would never subject a daughter-in-law to witnessing how much I cared for an ex of my son. It's extremely insensitive as would be the actions of his ex if she continued to try & cement the relationship with expensive gifts. Some friendships are best left to fond memories especially if they are inappropriate to new situations. You have every right to tell DH you would feel happier if you weren't confronted with this embarrassing situation again in the future. FWIW I would attend the wedding. I would politely decline the dinner as would DH. A stance has to be made if you want to avoid an occurrence of this unpleasant scenario.

Or 'how can one suck every bit of drama out of any situation and make myself sound about 12' that seems very popular on here

Nail on head. Middle class passive aggressive dishonest bullshit at its finest.