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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family expecting us to pay as we’re ‘high earners’

431 replies

Spotlightdeck · 16/07/2024 16:12

DH and I are in our 30s, child-free, living in the city, earning around 100k each. A while ago, we made the mistake of using a family member (mortgage advisor) to arrange a mortgage, resulting in our salaries being shared around my family.

I’m from a small town with low average earnings and the only one in my immediate family earning this much. Since this info has come out, my family’s behaviour towards us has completely changed. At all family meals/events since, no one puts their hands in their pockets and we are expected to pay the entire bill. Snide remarks are made about how we hid the fact we’re “rolling in it”, and we’ve been guilt tripped about how we should be helping people in the family out who are struggling.

Whilst we do live comfortably, we are far from millionaires. I don’t feel that we are in the position to be supporting family financially, nor should it be expected. It’s getting to the point where spending any time with family is a nightmare as finances are almost always brought up or we’re expected to pay. AIBU in being absolutely sick of this and asking for some advice as to how we handle it?

OP posts:
Cloudysky81 · 16/07/2024 16:15

You probably need to start cutting ties with a lot of your family.
I would start by avoiding family meals or any situation where you might have to pay them proceeding from there.

Putting · 16/07/2024 16:14

I’d be reporting your mortgage advisor as well - that type of information shouldn’t have been shared

hattie43 · 16/07/2024 16:14

Your mortgage arranger could be in a lot of regulatory trouble for disclosing your income ... if you chose to take it further

MiddleAgedDread · 16/07/2024 16:14

YANBU but you shouldn't have used someone in the family for something so personal and if they acted in a professional capacity they shouldn't have shared that info (GDPR n all that)

Hoppinggreen · 16/07/2024 16:13

Personally I would avoid anyone who saw me as a meal ticket and see if there was anyone I could report the Mortgage Advisor too for GDPR

HelplessSoul · 16/07/2024 16:13

Easy - cut every fucker off.

And report the family mortgage advisor cunt and hope that they lose their job for breaching GDPR with your income details.