Family expecting us to pay as we’re ‘high earners’

A generation ago before data protection laws. I worked in a mortgage bank. Did mortgages for friends and family. Never let out a word to anyone. Simple decency and trust. Also I would have been sacked for any such action. Disgusting You should have warned him at the time or not used him. He knows the score though.
Co- incidentally one family member is very wealthy and generous, but we all make sure we all pay our share.
Tell family you will not be paying any more as extra income is going into pensions.
I would tell them all that if there is any further mention of your incomes you will report the data breach and mean it.

Either stop going out with your family, or establish before you go what the payment arrangements will be. If they say they're assuming you will pay, point out that you paid the last ten times (or whatever it is) and say firmly that it isn't going to happen this time.

As so many PP have said, that FA should not have divulged your confidential information. I know it is difficult, but they should be reported.

The only thing you can do is stand up for yourselves and make it clear that you are not paying for everyone. Stop going to family meals, and when you are asked why, make it clear it was because everyone expected you to pick up the tab.

When people "expect" you to do something you don't want to do, don't do it. Split the bill as usual, learn to say "no, and please do not mention this again" when someone is guilt-tripping you. If they can't respect your boundaries, stop seeing them.

Anytime you’re out, go to the toilet just before the bill arrives then come back to the table having paid your share at the bar. They’re free to split the rest themselves.

We've had this from the in laws. The joke of it is that it's only dh who is a higher earner, I'm on minimum wage. But in laws think we are rolling in it (Fil has said that to our faces!) Luckily they live abroad but whenever we have visited them or they to us, they've never paid for anything. Dh has paid for their flights to UK, and I have no issue with that. But they won't even pay for bloody coffees when we are out. Fil also had the cheek to tell dh he shouldn't ever ask for a pay rise as he earns "more than enough".

It's a bloody good job they live on the other side of the world!!

This was my first thought

This the mortgage adviser is massively out of line. Personally I’d just distance myself from them. My MIL is like this with me because I’m in a profession and her friend told her my profession “earn lots”. I just can’t be assed with them as she makes comments all the time about how I’m too posh for my husband… not sure why earning well means posh but that’s her logic…

This is shocking that your family member breached confidentiality. Are you absolutely sure the information was shared and that they haven't assumed you are 'loaded' because of the property that you purchased?

I wouldn't be going out with them again and if I did I would be making it very clear that I wouldn't be paying for everyone else

Yes, this.

Madness to let your family member arrange that mortgage. Madness. Whilst I agree with you that they’re fucking idiots and shouldn’t treat you any different. 200k a year with no kids (especially if you’re not in the SE) will seem loads to some people.

If my siblings knew some of our financial matters, they’d be seething with jealousy. Thats why we play everything down. We underplay everything.

How do you handle it? Don’t feel like you have to ‘keep the peace’ or submit to emotional blackmail in order to spare the feelings of those that have no problem treating you like this. Say no when they ask, and that it isn’t your responsibility to financially provide for X, Y, and Z. Don’t feel like you have to explain or justify yourself either - they’re the ones in the wrong here, not you.

Another here that thinks you should look into what you can do to take legal action against the mortgage advisor...

Irrelevant if it's a family member they should never disclose your finances to anyone.

Report the mortgage advisor as that is wholly unprofessional.

YANBU. Tell them bluntly that you will not be subsidising them.

And take cash to the restaurant so you just pay your share to the waiter and leave.

I wouldn't see them. Especially as your only value seems to be as a walking ATM.

That mortgage broker needs to learn a lesson too.

I do hope you have sued your mortgage advisor for breach of confidentiality, family member notwithstanding.
Is s/he that forthcoming with their other client's finances?
That's both unprofessional and disgusting

That is shocking! The mortgage advisor should be barred and license revoked for sharing your private financial information. The ‘family’ is already treating you like shit, so I’d be tempted to tell them knock it off, you’re not a free lunch ticket for the lot of them and if they persist, then dear old loose lips will have a court case filed against them for illegally sharing your private financial info.

Time to put your foot down. I wouldn’t care if they went NC with you as they sound like a toxic mess. No more free rides. The gravy train is out of service.

George Michael said one of the saddest things about his success was that no-one else ever paid for dinner, it was expected he would pay. Everyone wants to be valued beyond their money.

Absolutely fucking not. You are not in any way obliged to pay ‘because you can afford it’. Don’t let anyone take the piss out of you.

No advise on how to handle this but very very unprofessional of the mortgage advisor to inform family of your financial situation. I would have to bring it up with them that you presumed that information was confidential.

Snide remarks are made about how we hid the fact we’re “rolling in it”

These people sound hideous. I know they are family but it would put me right off spending any time with them.

Cut them all off - and report your mortgage advisor. They shouldn't be sharing personal financial details, especially with your wider family.

This is why high earners are often cagey - people don't know our exact household income and we still get similar treatment! It's horrible your family are treating you like this, tbh it would be an easy NC for me.

That mortgage advisor sounds unprofessional and needs to be dealt with. Family or not that is not right

Sounds like a London salary. Considering the national average is about £26k, you're not rolling in it, but 6 figures is pretty rare. Your family are acting like vultures though, and I'm sorry about that.