Family expecting us to pay as we’re ‘high earners’

Oh come off it! You are literally the only person who thinks that!

If you want to continue to see family then you will have to be blunt that you are not there to foot the bill, and you will be reporting said mortgage adviser if this carryon doesn't stop!

Ask the mortgage advisor how your salary information is common knowledge.

Then tell them calmly a family member has confirmed they told them

Let them squirm.

Even in London it's a huge salary....about 200k for a couple with no children? That's a big salary and certainly not just a average wage for London

We had similar - not the gdpr issue, but cf family who ‘forgot’ their money etc.. Getting repaid after the fact was excruciating.

Even now, if we have to attend a family outing, I will drop a message to all saying we will be paying our share by cash, and they should plan to pay their own. It’s been fine since, but I am very strict about it with myself.

We have had snide comments about supporting my BIL. But I don't see how it's our fault that he can't stick to a job and makes poor life choices. We've worked hard and made good investments. His mental health is always used as an excuse. Just keep saying no, you shouldn't be responsible for other adults.

Is the mortgage advisor family member at these gatherings?

If so, I'd ask, so that they can hear ' how on earth do you know my earnings?' And when they reply I'd say 'can't you lose your job for doing that?'

Who is suggesting the meals out and the venue? If it's you then you need to be aware of keeping it cheap and cheerful to suit everyone's income. When the bill comes I'd say 'are we working out what we've had or just splitting it 8 ways (or whatever the number of people).' If they ask you to pay I'd state 'ok. I'll pay this time but then it's someone else's turn next time'

I'd tell them straight and if that fails then cut them off. Cheeky gits.

Yanbu obviously.

How best to handle it depends on your appetite for confronting the issue. You could tell everyone to fuck off and tell your relative you're going to report them. Or you could lie and say youve cut your hours, moved to a lower paid role or similar. Which of these is better will depend on how you tend to handle things like this. I'd be on team fuck off personally, but you may know that's not you.

Mumsnet is hilarious.

OP - My family are slightly irritating.

Mumsnet - Cut them off completely or better still report them to their employers, social services, police or any other authorities who will listen!

The OP’s family probably live in houses worth less than her yearly salary. They have no concept of London money and to them she’s effectively won the lottery! I’m not saying how they’re acting is okay but definitely not a reason to disown your family! 😂

Rather than report the mortgage advisor tell him that this is because of him and you don't plan to report him now but he needs to take the lead in getting everyone to pay for themselves in future. And why you pay just pay for the two of you.

Vast vast majority of people in London aren't on anywhere near this salary

I wouldnt be going out with any of them again!

Why not be generous. No wonder your family think you are a pair of skinflints

Yep report the broker and tell your family to wind their necks in. Just refuse to pay any more than your share and make it clear before you next see them. If they are snide then go very low contact until they behave themselves.

How disgusting.. my sister's household income is about 4 times ours and she is generous but I always offer to pay for stuff and insist that I do sometimes.
I would never bring it upm

I’m sure the OP has realised by now that it might be a GDPR breach and did in fact ask for help with the approaching members of the family in general who are expecting her to pay all the time.

OP I would wait for the next invitation and then turn it down very publicly saying that every time you come along everyone always expect you to pay and you feel that they don’t value your attendance other than someone who pays which makes you sad. Hopefully they will reflect, I know in my family they would.

I agree with everyone else: report the family member that violated GDPR and shared your personal details with your extended family.

Go low contact with anyone who expects you to bankroll them or makes comments about your incomes.

You MUST lodge a formal complaint about your mortgage adviser either to his employer or his regulatory body. Your financial details should have been confidential.

Next time they want to go out. Just say, we are free but won’t be bank rolling anyone else’s food/tickets etc etc. You have to be blunt

That's a GDPR breach and not acceptable or legal

Totally agree, report and back away. They are just out for what you can give them and don’t care clearly. If you were seriously unwell would any of them be there for you, probably not unless they thought you might pop them in your will.

Firstly, I'd be confronting and reporting that mortgage advisor for a blatant GDPR breach! Even if they didn't confide the actual sums involved, they shouldn't have been discussing your finances at all.

Secondly, distance yourself from the whole grabby lot of them.

You don't work hard and be successful for others to leech of you.

This, absolutely awful thing to do.
And family expecting you to pay is just terrible, they should be ashamed of themselves. Almost sounds like they’re punishing you for having good jobs.

I’d be stopping them mooching off me for a start. No way would I be paying for a load of money grabbing vultures.