Family expecting us to pay as we’re ‘high earners’

@Needanewname42 And you'll know their are a zillion ways to figure out who is the people in the family with money and who aren't.

The cars in the driveway

What if that person is part of a minority with a functional brain, and only buys small, cheap cars despite having a massive salary?

It's not madness though to expect confidentiality. It is a basic requirement of a finance professionals role

@Greenwich123 as a finance professional you'll know the Op has zero evidence to report the man.
And you'll know their are a zillion ways to figure out who is the people in the family with money and who aren't.

Job titles
New address - zoopla will show what was paid for a house.
The cars in the driveway
The latest holiday location
The designer handbags.

I can't believe how many people are putting 2+2 together and getting 5. And how many people so called professionals want to trash the guys careers and reputation with zero evidence.

As a finance professional, disclosing any personal information is a sackable offense. They need reporting as they are not fit and proper to do the job.

as for your family, avoid any social gatherings where there is a bill to pay. They are all taking the piss. If you want to treat them occasionally fine, to expect it is totally out of order.

I am so sorry :( the mortgage broker should not have shared that info - I wonder if you could report them to the regulatory body as this is a clear breach of GDPR/trust/etc etc etc. i would have words with the family and explain that you worked hard and these are the rewards. Cut contact afterwards, they are unreasonable. Then go and spend your money the way you like it x

Find it weird that people think it’s difficult to say no to someone trying to take advantage of you. If you can’t say no then more fool you

Next time, I’d cancel at the last minute! Make them pay for their own food!

You are totally not being unreasonable.
a. That person should never have disclosed your income- that is unforgivable.
b. We’ve been in a similar situation with DH’s family. He comes from a very low income family and grew up with parents on benefits. He’s one of 6 kids. While all his siblings work they are mostly in minimum wage jobs and several have multiple kids whereas we only have one. Whilst we’re not in the same income bracket as you, we’ve been married for 25 years, always lived in the same house and have subsequently paid off our mortgage. We’ve got ok cars, but they’re both several years old. Husband is a teacher and I earn a comparable wage.
His family seem to resent every penny we’ve got and if one of them is in a sticky spot they always come running to DH to bail them out. We’re certainly not rolling in it, we’re just more sensible with our money and don’t constantly buy the latest 50” tv or spend every weekend down the pub. They just seem to think they are entitled to his money for some reason, it’s really entitled and wearing.

The mortgage adviser may or may not have spilled the beans. You have a suspicion based on the sequence of events and that is enough to report it for investigation by their professional regulator. If it's found to be a breach, they would be obliged to report it to the Information Commissioner. Doesn't matter if this lights the blue touch paper in the family, it's important.

As for more family dinners, start saying no, or have it out with them, the choice is yours. I fully understand being in a situation where you know speaking up will cause a scene, because I know similar people. It's hard to speak up without them flying off the handle.

Oh but it's liberating when you do, though!

I’m interested, did you pay the bill?!

It's easy to say that from behind a keyboard. Much more difficult when put on the spot in a restaurant with the waiter standing there with the bill.

Op needs to avoid getting into that situation in the first place. Make it crystal clear BEFORE they go out that they aren't picking up the tab.

It sounds like it's been a slow creep to the point it was expected that they were picking up the bill.

Good riddance to your family OP. Goodluck

And you paid it? Why wouldn’t you just say no?

I’d have asked the restaurant to split the bill, paid my share, left the receipt on the table and said my goodbyes and left to make sure the rest of them then had to pay. That would have then been the last time they would have expected it!

They do realise that basically the second half of your salaries are taxed at 40% right? Idiots.

I too would be at least talking to the mortgage advisor to tell them I am tempted to report them or would report them!

I thought that too.

What really scares the willies out me is the 5% who think the OP is being 'unreasonable.'

It definitely isn’t £26k anymore, minimum wage is over £24k!

@Findinganewme If there’s one thing I’ve learned, is that the high salaries aren’t paid for the type of jobs that are 9-5 and laid back.

You have to be completely detached from real life to make a comment like that. Any full time salaried position consumes the life of the employee, including evenings and weekends. Working evenings and weekends is not something that's exclusive to high earners.

The only jobs with fixed hours tends to be low-skilled labour, with salaries less than 25k.

Oh bless those poor souls! I guess if they need more than your love, time, and respect with great big hugs. Better choices or other and different goals for their own lives should have been made. Still can be nobody is forcing them to be around your happiness and hard earned success. I say take care of each other and have a few BBQs at home and find out who is truly there for u. Make sure everyone knows they have to bring a dish. That's how it should be anyway. Good luck y'all take care

I sympathise a bit with this. My DH and I have come into alot of money recently and it has changed some family members' attitudes towards us.
We get alot of snide remarks about our 'fancy' house and cars. It's very annoying, even more so for me because my DH made most of it, not me, so I get seen as some sort of 'gold digger' and I've had to cut out a couple of jealous people as a result.

People can be absolute arseholes when it comes to money.

In regards to financial discussions, I believe that individuals should live within their means and be responsible for their own financial well-being.

If a mortgage advisor has engaged in gross misconduct, it is important to report them to the appropriate authorities, regardless of any familial relationships. It is essential to maintain professional integrity and uphold ethical standards.

It is not appropriate for individuals to feel guilty about their financial success or to be made to feel obligated to provide financial support to others. Each person should be responsible for their own financial situation and should not be subject to guilt-tripping or manipulation.

Family gatherings can be held at family homes to avoid any potential discomfort or tension related to financial matters.

It is important to remember the struggles and challenges faced during one's journey to financial success and to appreciate the support received from those who were truly there during difficult times. Genuine support, whether emotional or financial, should be recognized and valued.
We live by what we earn regardless.

I would have organised a serious face-to-face chat with the relative who is the broker and set out the problem to him.
If you did report it to his compliance team it might be that he would be investigated and reprimanded rather than sacked.
If you report it and they lose their job, the family will hate you more.
A serious challenge may be the only way of avoiding a worse situation.

For the next meal out I'd probably drop out at the last minute and let them enjoy their one main instead of a four course dinner at your expense!

I'm the highest earner in my family but have never had this nonsense. We all fall over each other to be the one paying, even my 85 year old father. The only people I spend more on than I expect to get back are our children.
I'd be avoiding meals out with my family if I felt they just regarded me as a cash cow.
At the next meal I'd suggest splitting the cost between the adults. If they complain I'd tell them I'm hurt and offended by them always expecting us to pay for everything and we'll spend time in future with people who value our company not our money.

Next meal out with the family choose a restaurant where you have to order using an app or QR code , so you only pay for what you order 😁

I would be fucking fuming.
It's YOUR hard earned money, why should you spend it on every other cunt?