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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed about not being reimbursed quickly?

56 replies

redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 14:53

I’ve paid upfront for a trip with friends. I paid on Thursday last week so only 4 days ago. Everyone but one has paid me. It’s not a huge amount, around £60. I’m on holiday now and would like to tick it off my to do list. I reminded her yesterday just so I could relax and not have to think about it. She laughed and said she would pay it yesterday but she hasn’t. I actually feel extremely irritated as she did the same thing last time then cancelled leaving me to find someone else. She’s the wealthiest out of all my friends so really the money isn’t an issue. I’m not hard up so it feels embarrassing chasing her. Urghhhhh just pay up so I don’t have to think about it! 😡

AIBU?

OP posts:
Kisskiss · 16/07/2024 17:16

Never book anything on her behalf again

paywalled · 16/07/2024 17:15

redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 17:09

No, someone else took her place. She did offer (right at the end) rather half heartedly to pay.

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So it’s not just about the admin, she’d like to get out of paying if she can.

Don’t be swayed by her being well off, I had a friend who’s dad was a multi millionaire who paid for everything for her. Because she was spoilt she expected her friends to pay for her too.

CelesteCunningham · 16/07/2024 17:14

Bluebirdover · 16/07/2024 16:58

Would you also be lax in paying?

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No, although I also don't think 4 days for a small amount of money (which of course £60 isn't to everyone, but in this case OP has said it is) is particularly lax. Especially if it's someone I haven't paid online before as I'd need to find card reader etc. For a small amount with a friend, I wouldn't be stressing on either end of that.

I recently owed a friend approx £200 for concert tickets and a day out (i.e. not a small amount). She wouldn't give me her bank details because it wasn't urgent for her, and after 20 odd years she knows I'm going nowhere. We live far apart so with travel and small DC I'd forget to give it to her when we met up, then remember after, ask for the bank details, she'd say no. That happened a few times, then I remembered, gave her the money plus a bit rounded up as she won't have included booking fees etc. Now she reckons she owes me £50 in change from rounding up and a miscommunication about one of the costs but I have zero intention of chasing her for it.

On my side, I would've been happier to get it paid so it was off my plate. If I'd been on friend's side I would have done the same as her though.

stayathomer · 16/07/2024 17:09

It isn’t great that she hasn’t but you don’t honestly know her financial situation- maybe she honestly has limited funds until pay day. People who assume others are wealthy don’t know the breakdown of direct debits/ savings/ outgoings etc

Original poster
redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 17:09

paywalled · 16/07/2024 16:14

Did she pay last time?

She sounds like a debt dodging dick.

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No, someone else took her place. She did offer (right at the end) rather half heartedly to pay.

OP posts:
newleafontheplantjohn · 16/07/2024 17:09

I think she's hedging her bets as she's considering not going.

So she doesn't want to pay if she's not going to go.

Which is shit, because why should you have to pay??

I would ask her to pay in the group chat.

Tumblingjungleofchaos · 16/07/2024 17:06

I will book for those who have paid me by then but unfortunately I can't buy without committed payment.

Key phrase! I always use something similar. The flakes soon find out you meant it when there's no place for them.

CelesteCunningham · 16/07/2024 17:03

Snowfalling · 16/07/2024 16:54

So people shouldn't have to pay what they owe? whyever not?

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Yup, that's exactly what I said.

MatildaTheCat · 16/07/2024 17:00

You have just reminded me that I owe a friend £20 in a very similar situation. I keep meaning to do it but postponing it due to annoying banking app.

The real reason is that I’ve just had a devastating bereavement and have no emotional bandwidth whatsoever. I think she will understand when I explain. Of course I will pay her. I also have a shit load of other complex admin to do.

Just offering an alternative viewpoint

Bluebirdover · 16/07/2024 16:58

CelesteCunningham · 16/07/2024 15:55

Tbh, I wouldn't be chasing a friend after four days for an amount of money that isn't significant to both of us.

Would you also be lax in paying?

hollyblueivy · 16/07/2024 16:56

Could you collect the money before booking next time, like once I have all your funds in I'll book the room?

Snowfalling · 16/07/2024 16:54

CelesteCunningham · 16/07/2024 15:55

Tbh, I wouldn't be chasing a friend after four days for an amount of money that isn't significant to both of us.

So people shouldn't have to pay what they owe? whyever not?

paywalled · 16/07/2024 16:14

redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 15:57

I know. It’s just the admin to be honest. And it’s not completely insignificant at £60. I didn’t chase her last time then she pulled out without paying. Which is why I’m trying to get it all sorted early on this time.

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Did she pay last time?

She sounds like a debt dodging dick.

Original poster
redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 15:57

CelesteCunningham · 16/07/2024 15:55

Tbh, I wouldn't be chasing a friend after four days for an amount of money that isn't significant to both of us.

I know. It’s just the admin to be honest. And it’s not completely insignificant at £60. I didn’t chase her last time then she pulled out without paying. Which is why I’m trying to get it all sorted early on this time.

OP posts:
CelesteCunningham · 16/07/2024 15:55

Tbh, I wouldn't be chasing a friend after four days for an amount of money that isn't significant to both of us.

Original poster
redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 15:55

She definitely wouldn’t pretend she’d paid. It’s more just it’s no big deal to her. It’s strange as she’s a supremely organised, capable person and I thought she would get this. Possibly she’s having second thoughts about it. She can be a bit anxious about stuff for various reasons. That’s why I want to tread lightly. I’m a nuclear bomb kind of person and don’t want to blow up this friendship.

OP posts:
Blackcats7 · 16/07/2024 15:46

Pretend you are concerned the payment might have gone astray as you didn’t receive it and ask her to screenshot payment.
And obviously don’t ever pay for anything for her again.

Original poster
redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 15:41

I think she knows it’s not a lot of money to me or her. But it’s the admin and the brain space. The to do list. 😤

OP posts:
paywalled · 16/07/2024 15:38

Message her saying you didn't get the payment yesterday.

She thinks because she has money that she shouldn't be chased.

rainbow126 · 16/07/2024 15:36

Ask her to pay in the group chat - say that she is the only one who hasn’t. She should be embarrassed, not you! The laughing face is so so cheeky.

Original poster
redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 15:30

Thanks all. I would be mortified to be chased in this. She just did a little laugh emoji. It’s really not like her in any other way. But yes she’ll need to pay. I’ll ask her if she still wants to come or we can book the cheaper accommodation if not. I thought last time was an aberration as she’s really not like this in any other respect. Normally an incredibly generous, kind and sensitive person!

OP posts:
Snowfalling · 16/07/2024 15:29

redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 14:58

She’s an amazing, lovely, thoughtful person in every other way so it’s weird. I don’t get it.

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She's not really though is she? Doesn't pay when she should, let you down last time....

Dontknowwhyidoit · 16/07/2024 15:26

If she doesn't pay and leaves you in the lurch, then she doesn't get invited to anything else or she pays and you owe her. No point in ruining your holiday.

Ponderingwindow · 16/07/2024 15:24

Since this has happened before, next time do not book until you have the money. Or set her the task of booking for everyone.

Caroparo52 · 16/07/2024 15:21

Bloody annoying.
Can you post on the group chat....
Thanks a b and c for paying me . Making it obvious that d hasn't paid..... social shame her. Also lesson learnt. Don't pay upfront for her again. Get her to book own ticket. Or not go. If she flakes its up to her to find replacement. Or next time say I'm booking for x. If you want to come please transfer funds by such a date. I will book for those who have paid me by then but unfortunately I can't buy without committed payment.