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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed about not being reimbursed quickly?

56 replies

redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 14:53

I’ve paid upfront for a trip with friends. I paid on Thursday last week so only 4 days ago. Everyone but one has paid me. It’s not a huge amount, around £60. I’m on holiday now and would like to tick it off my to do list. I reminded her yesterday just so I could relax and not have to think about it. She laughed and said she would pay it yesterday but she hasn’t. I actually feel extremely irritated as she did the same thing last time then cancelled leaving me to find someone else. She’s the wealthiest out of all my friends so really the money isn’t an issue. I’m not hard up so it feels embarrassing chasing her. Urghhhhh just pay up so I don’t have to think about it! 😡

AIBU?

OP posts:
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Tumblingjungleofchaos · 16/07/2024 23:09

@HeySummerWhereAreYou I'm assuming one night away in a large shared accommodation for their mutual hobby. Shared accommodation could easily work out around £60 a head for a night between 6-8 people.

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 16/07/2024 23:00

redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 14:53

I’ve paid upfront for a trip with friends. I paid on Thursday last week so only 4 days ago. Everyone but one has paid me. It’s not a huge amount, around £60. I’m on holiday now and would like to tick it off my to do list. I reminded her yesterday just so I could relax and not have to think about it. She laughed and said she would pay it yesterday but she hasn’t. I actually feel extremely irritated as she did the same thing last time then cancelled leaving me to find someone else. She’s the wealthiest out of all my friends so really the money isn’t an issue. I’m not hard up so it feels embarrassing chasing her. Urghhhhh just pay up so I don’t have to think about it! 😡

AIBU?

I want to know what trip away only cost £60. Shock

misses point of post........... Blush

Puzzledandpissedoff · 16/07/2024 22:58

mondaytosunday · 16/07/2024 22:14

Next time say you are not booking anything til you have all the money up front. That's the only way.

This - even more so since the update to say this friend has done it before and didn't pay in the end

ThinWomansBrain · 16/07/2024 22:50

do you have a group whatsapp?
message the group, saying X hasn't paid despite numerous requests, you presume she can't afford (or doesn't want) to go.
Do the others want to split the costs between them, or invite someone else?

Onabench · 16/07/2024 22:46

CelesteCunningham · 16/07/2024 17:03

Yup, that's exactly what I said.

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Surely friendships go way beyond finances though......

It isn't just the monetary value. I am assuming if OP needs to be paid, she has gone through the work of researching and booking things. Where is the respect to her friend? Why isn't the friend valuing OP? It's RUDE.

MadYoke · 16/07/2024 22:43

CelesteCunningham · 16/07/2024 15:55

Tbh, I wouldn't be chasing a friend after four days for an amount of money that isn't significant to both of us.

Absolutely this. Nor would I be giving it much brain space.

LoveWine123 · 16/07/2024 22:34

Send her a PayPal request

godmum56 · 16/07/2024 22:26

Kisskiss · 16/07/2024 21:57

I’m also ‘uptight’ like this, perhaps it isn’t so rare?
just another thing on your mind to sort out, so it goes on a list, or you forget stuff? No need to call OP names…

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I wouldn't call it uptight either. I honestly do not see what the problem is with paying money back as soon as you are asked. It is basic good manners.

mondaytosunday · 16/07/2024 22:14

Next time say you are not booking anything til you have all the money up front. That's the only way.

Kisskiss · 16/07/2024 21:57

similarminimer · 16/07/2024 20:51

Maybe she doesnt realuse how uptight ypu are about to do lists - to the point that you are letting £60 intrude on your holiday. Perhaps explain that to her.

Maybe get somwine else to book next time if it's such an irritant to you?

I’m also ‘uptight’ like this, perhaps it isn’t so rare?
just another thing on your mind to sort out, so it goes on a list, or you forget stuff? No need to call OP names…

Original poster
redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 21:32

Thanks all! I’m going to leave it today then chase her tomorrow. I’m going to give her an opt out in case she’s having second thoughts.

@similarminimer maybe I am up tight. I’m just really busy and juggle a lot. I plan a lot of these things to do with a hobby and she’s the only one out of 20 or more people over the last few years that doesn’t pay immediately. She’s also the most well off.

OP posts:
similarminimer · 16/07/2024 20:51

Maybe she doesnt realuse how uptight ypu are about to do lists - to the point that you are letting £60 intrude on your holiday. Perhaps explain that to her.

Maybe get somwine else to book next time if it's such an irritant to you?

godmum56 · 16/07/2024 20:48

CelesteCunningham · 16/07/2024 18:24

I need a card reader to pay someone new, and I think for every international transfer which this would be. Why on earth would you think you know my banking details better than me? Confused

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paypal

BirthdayRainbow · 16/07/2024 20:44

redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 14:58

She’s an amazing, lovely, thoughtful person in every other way so it’s weird. I don’t get it.

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She's not thoughtful, you asked for your money back and she laughed. Then didn't pay you when she said she would.

Daisy12Maisie · 16/07/2024 20:43

That would really wind me up. It's a pet hate of mine and I think it is incredibly rude.
No you don't necessarily know her circumstances. She might be skint for whatever reason and you don't know about it but so might you. If she didn't have the money she shouldn't have let you book and pay for her. If she does have the money then she is being incredibly out of order.
This is why I don't book for my uni group of friends. 9 of us and most of them are very well off. They don't rent to transfer money they owe until reminded multiple times. So I don't book as I can't afford to pay for 9 people. Someone else booked and I transferred my share straight away.

TangentsPlease · 16/07/2024 19:03

When people are being shit at replying/sending me stuff I need I just whatsapp/text them: "nudge" every single day until I get it. You could message "money nudge 😘" "money nudge 😘" and carry on until she sends it... it will also show her how absurd she's being to not have paid you

CelesteCunningham · 16/07/2024 18:24

godmum56 · 16/07/2024 17:42

no you wouldn't need to find a card reader, the person you owe gives you her details or her apple details, paypal details etcetera and you just ping the money across.

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I need a card reader to pay someone new, and I think for every international transfer which this would be. Why on earth would you think you know my banking details better than me? Confused

Persiancouscous · 16/07/2024 18:15

I've stopped paying inadvance due to people like that, so I now say send the money by X or I can't book it. That way you get rid of the flaky ones.

Shinyandnew1 · 16/07/2024 18:12

redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 17:09

No, someone else took her place. She did offer (right at the end) rather half heartedly to pay.

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She sounds a bit flaky-I wouldn’t be paying for anything for her in advance again.

godmum56 · 16/07/2024 18:09

cheesychips15 · 16/07/2024 18:06

Some banks (I know nationwide does, probably others) need you to use a card reader as a form of 2 factor authentication, especially if it's someone you've never paid before.

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neither of my banks do, they just text me to check its me and I have to face or fingerprint log in again. Paypal do not, a paypal account is very handy

cheesychips15 · 16/07/2024 18:06

godmum56 · 16/07/2024 17:42

no you wouldn't need to find a card reader, the person you owe gives you her details or her apple details, paypal details etcetera and you just ping the money across.

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Some banks (I know nationwide does, probably others) need you to use a card reader as a form of 2 factor authentication, especially if it's someone you've never paid before.

godmum56 · 16/07/2024 17:42

CelesteCunningham · 16/07/2024 17:14

No, although I also don't think 4 days for a small amount of money (which of course £60 isn't to everyone, but in this case OP has said it is) is particularly lax. Especially if it's someone I haven't paid online before as I'd need to find card reader etc. For a small amount with a friend, I wouldn't be stressing on either end of that.

I recently owed a friend approx £200 for concert tickets and a day out (i.e. not a small amount). She wouldn't give me her bank details because it wasn't urgent for her, and after 20 odd years she knows I'm going nowhere. We live far apart so with travel and small DC I'd forget to give it to her when we met up, then remember after, ask for the bank details, she'd say no. That happened a few times, then I remembered, gave her the money plus a bit rounded up as she won't have included booking fees etc. Now she reckons she owes me £50 in change from rounding up and a miscommunication about one of the costs but I have zero intention of chasing her for it.

On my side, I would've been happier to get it paid so it was off my plate. If I'd been on friend's side I would have done the same as her though.

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no you wouldn't need to find a card reader, the person you owe gives you her details or her apple details, paypal details etcetera and you just ping the money across.

godmum56 · 16/07/2024 17:40

redfacebigdisgrace · 16/07/2024 14:58

She’s an amazing, lovely, thoughtful person in every other way so it’s weird. I don’t get it.

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no she isn't.

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/07/2024 17:17

It's rude

Put on group chat that you have 3/4 peoples money and need payment now

Or just @ her and say please send over money

LlynTegid · 16/07/2024 17:16

Some people just never do small things unless they are repeatedly reminded. Is this a person with that trait?