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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel shaken by this incident and want to leave work?

242 replies

Cynthiaramsey · 16/07/2024 13:22

It’s been non stop raining where I live for days. I don’t drive so on my dinner I walk to a local Sainsbury’s. Today I waited for the rain to stop and then went out, so I didn’t have an umbrella and I don’t have a coat because even though it’s wet, it’s still warm.

I was walking to Sainsbury’s and the road was clear, then I suddenly heard a car speed up. I didn’t have time to wonder what was going on because before I knew it, they drove speeding into a puddle on the side and splashed me. It was a massive puddle so the water has drenched me! It stopped me in my tracks because it was freezing and all my hair and face were wet. As the van drove off, the guy in the passenger seat wound his window down laughing and shouted “slag!” At me. I feel really upset. I know nothing awful happened in the grand scheme of things but it’s just knowing that they sped up to do that on purpose and then laughed about it and called me a name. I am back in work now but my hair is wet and my clothes are so wet they are stuck to me on one side. I feel freezing cold and want to go home so that I can get changed and then just work my last few hours at home.

Would I be unreasonable to ask? Am I being dramatic? I told my boss what happened because I walked back through the door all wet and he was just saying that they’re idiots etc but hasn’t offered to let me go home to change into something dry. So I feel like he would say no. I just feel a bit sad and miserable now.

OP posts:
Yalta · 16/07/2024 15:05

I would report this to the police traffic division giving them the road name and town and where abouts on the road you were when it happened and what time it happened and then let the police deal with it by looking through the CCTV footage

It is an offence to drive deliberately though a puddle to splash a pedestrian

rewilded · 16/07/2024 15:04

Definitely report it. It is a criminal offence.

You have every right to feel upset. Sorry this has happened to you.

VolvoFan · 16/07/2024 15:04

Don't stay in wet clothes. Go home and get changed. Don't ask, just do it, you can explain later. Just in case, bring an entire outfit including underwear and shoes to work and keep it in your desk for if something like that happens again.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 16/07/2024 15:02

I'm sorry that you had this happen to you, OP, but I'm glad that your manager was reasonable about it.

crystalflex · 16/07/2024 15:00

Op I'm sorry this has happened to you. I reported a similar thing. I used to go running in the evenings. A pick up truck driver slowly along side me making disgusting comments about my body. Then the sped up and drove off, but they actually just turned round and threw a milkshake at me as they came past the opposite way. I reported but didn't get the number plate. It was by a petrol station so they were on cctv and police took it seriously. No one ever got charged though, but the company who's van it was took action and sacked the men. I was happy with that.

Hope you're feeling ok now x

Elsbetka · 16/07/2024 14:58

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 16/07/2024 14:46

It's just knee-jerk, isn't it? I understand where celadora is coming from. It's just one of those thoughts that needs to stay in your head and not be vocalised.

Women are getting angry about this short of stuff and rightly so.

And I do get that an initial reaction is often knee-jerk (although the poster did double down on it in their subsequent post).

I absolutely loathe that we're in a situation, and a society, where this kind of thing happens all the time, every day, to women and to other marginalised people. I guess I just feel like that kind of rhetoric doesn't make things any better. Not because I think women should just not make a fuss/get back in their box - I suppose fundamentally I just really.hate that women feel they have to resort to that sort of rhetoric.

SeeSeeRider · 16/07/2024 14:55

I once read about a driver swerving to get in a flooded side of the road to make a splash to soak someone, and it was deeper than he thought, the almost new expensive car swerved, hit a lamp post, and was a write-off. I don't know if the insurer refused to pay out.

SannaK · 16/07/2024 14:55

So is shouting In the street that a woman is a slag even with evidence a criminal offence?

Is that slander?

Sceptical123 · 16/07/2024 14:54

Cynthiaramsey · 16/07/2024 13:27

Thank you, I wish I got the number plate because it was a work van, it had some sort of signage on it so they must have worked for a company and I’d like to tell them. But I didn’t even think to look properly at the time

Report and ask for cctv - they should not be allowed to get away with this, they’ll no doubt do it again

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 16/07/2024 14:47

Cynthiaramsey · 16/07/2024 14:44

I don’t know if there’s any CCTV, it’s not exactly a quiet area but the street was a side street so all of the shops were facing the other way, if that makes sense. So they wouldn’t have caught it. There is a petrol garage though that I assume will have CCTV

If you know that the van went past the garage and the time it did so - it would be worth checking.

Our local shop was helpful about letting us see footage when we asked (for a different but good reason).

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 16/07/2024 14:46

Elsbetka · 16/07/2024 14:41

Honestly truly, you hope they crash and die? You don't think that punishment is a little out of proportion?

It's just knee-jerk, isn't it? I understand where celadora is coming from. It's just one of those thoughts that needs to stay in your head and not be vocalised.

Women are getting angry about this short of stuff and rightly so.

Cynthiaramsey · 16/07/2024 14:45

alittlequinnie · 16/07/2024 14:01

Oh OP - I feel so sorry for you.

I was cycling home about 18 years ago and two lads in an ADT van kept pulling up to me and playing "who let the dogs out" and laughing their heads off.

It was crystal clear they were telling me I was a dog.

It never occurred to me at the time - but I should have reported it to ADT.

I proper cried when I got home and I still feel awful every time I think of it now - 18 years later!

About a year after that I was cycling home and there was a bus behind me and I was coming up to a bus stop - the bus was waiting for me to pull in and a man at the bus stop shouted at me "get off the road you stupid bitch" - I cried at that one too.

I just don't understand where men get off with this sort of thing - they are just total idiots! :(

Omg this is horrible! Not going to lie, I would be in tears over that too. I’m sorry that those things happened to you 😔 why are people like this?!

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 16/07/2024 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Looks like they are not the only sick people out there!

Cynthiaramsey · 16/07/2024 14:44

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 16/07/2024 14:06

Perfectly reasonable to go home and get dry if you are wet and cold and cannot get warm and dry at work!

Sorry this happened to you OP. You seem to have met more of those women-hating men.

They should suffer consequences for this. (Throwing a milk-shake can get you in court. Using a van to throw dirty water seems worse.) If they don't get these- they will do it again to someone.

Is it possible that there is any CCTV on that street and (even if their action against you isn't shown on camera) that you could identify the van - and the time it is there?

As you say - reporting them to their employer would be something and wouldn't need the level of proof required for a court.

I don’t know if there’s any CCTV, it’s not exactly a quiet area but the street was a side street so all of the shops were facing the other way, if that makes sense. So they wouldn’t have caught it. There is a petrol garage though that I assume will have CCTV

OP posts:
Yougotwhatstuckwhere · 16/07/2024 14:44

Hope you're doing ok @Cynthiaramsey 🌻🌻🌻

Yougotwhatstuckwhere · 16/07/2024 14:43

What a pair of wankers.
That was a deliberate display of 'power' (ingrained, Tate following misogynistic bollocks).
Knuckle dragging morons.
I hope every woman they meet and know thinks they smell horrendous and can't stand to be around them, ever.
If the police are receptive to finding them, I too would hope their company would be informed of the behaviour.

Elsbetka · 16/07/2024 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Honestly truly, you hope they crash and die? You don't think that punishment is a little out of proportion?

GoingRoundInTriangularCircles · 16/07/2024 14:40

Had this happen to me in my late teens. I had just got off the bus at work
Ended up getting a bus back home , shower new uniform and bussing back. 3 hours faffing thanks to that idiot

Allthehorsesintheworld · 16/07/2024 14:39

SeeSeeRider · 16/07/2024 13:37

You could report it to the police, they might look at CCTV footage, a long shot I know, but maybe worth a go?

This 100%. If it’s a work van employer won’t be happy either as any sensible copper would check its tyres, insurance etc..,and of course all the others they own.
Some scum are not worth the air they breathe.

sassyduck · 16/07/2024 14:39

Glad you can go home. They are scum. Yes, report it. It may do nothing but it will make you feel better and it may have been caught on camera. Worth a shot.

DawsonsFreak · 16/07/2024 14:39

Please do report it. If for no other reason than to give yourself a bit of control over the actions of this complete arsehole. You can guarantee you won’t be the only woman he has done this to - you never know, if the police get a number of similar complaints they may take this very seriously, especially if there’s CCTV evidence available. The online crime reporting system is pretty straightforward.

Lastminuteisinit · 16/07/2024 14:36

Report it because it will make you feel better that you didn’t let them get away with it and it will take that nagging feeling that you should have done more away. If the police can’t follow it up, that’s their responsibility then.

You might be the fifth person those guys have done that to this week - if none of you report, how is a picture meant to emerge?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 16/07/2024 14:35

I guarantee he wouldn’t have and Nasty pathetic jumped up bullying shit. Put him in a fair fist fight against another bloke he’d go down like a sack of spuds, because I absolutely guarantee he wouldn’t have done that if you’d have a been a bloke or had a bloke standing next to you.

honeyfox · 16/07/2024 14:34

Similar happened to me before too. It's really upsetting.

SannaK · 16/07/2024 14:32

Ok so this is Abuse. It's sexist abuse.

Be strong OP. Make a stand

BUT only if you feel you can

You might be struggling with other issues.

If you are and you don't want to fight this particular battle.

That's ok.
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