To get irrationally irritated by waiting for latecomers when I’ve made the effort to be on time?

It can be interesting to see the reaction when the latecomers realise that everyone else has moved on without them

I remember one mum arranging to meet me at a museum with my DC at 1000. She didn’t work, had a nanny, 2DC, and lived 5 mins drive away. She turned up at 12.10, by which time I’d gone in ( overseas, 35 degree heat, wasn’t waiting outside with toddler) and when she arrived she was furious with me for going in 🤷‍♀️

Another question I have is, when someone’s late, I or another will call them to see where they are to assess whether we should go ahead or not. Often, as in case above, the person is still at home. E.g. meet at 7pm, we wait around and call at 7.30/7.45pm and you are still at home, you haven’t even left yet.

I don’t get this. I get, I’m 10 mins away, on my way etc. but “I haven’t left yet”….

Why? Why the fuck why?

It can be interesting to see the reaction when the latecomers realise that everyone else has moved on without them.
One notable occasion I remember was a Parents' Evening, where each set of parents had a ten-minute slot. To keep things running smoothly, we put a short break into the middle of the evening; first session 4:00 to 6:30, second session 7:00 to 9:00.
What with seeing some parents separately (e,g, the Deputy Head with his own Parents' Evening that night!) it turned out that I had everybody scheduled in for the "first shift", so I drew up the schedule and laid out folders of work for parents to peruse while they waited. 5:30 couple did not show, so I moved on to the 5:40 appointment, still no show, we all moved on.
I took my break just after 6:30; as the second session was due begin, I consulted the headmaster about what I should do, and we agreed that as by this time it was getting on for 90 minutes since they were due, and i had seen everyone else, I might as well call it a day.
Apparently, their car was pulling into the carpark at the back of the building, just as I was leaving the Staff carpark at the front, and they were gobsmacked to find me gone!
Another, sadder one, was at my previous school; a little boy whose attendance and punctuality were sketchy; he was too young to take this responsibility for himself.
We had an educational trip to central London arranged, with a group train ticket booked for a specific time from our local station. We had some "wriggle room" built into the timetable, but as the minutes ticked by, we had to make a decisive move.
It turned out that this was not one of his (frequent) absences, but just one of his late days. Apparently he was heartbroken.

it’s fairly obvious that the vast majority of people build far more contingency time into catching a flight than would be sustainable for day to day life - you can’t turn up several hours in advance of everything in the way you do for flights

This is perfectly true, *MiddleParking, *but it also assumes hearsay to be evidence; after all someone challenged about selective lateness is hardly going to say "Oh I just didn't bother about you" when orther options are available

Of course that's not to deny there are folk with very real difficulties in this area - I just wonder where the line falls between these and the "can't be arsed"

Well no, because it’s fairly obvious that the vast majority of people build far more contingency time into catching a flight than would be sustainable for day to day life - you can’t turn up several hours in advance of everything in the way you do for flights. And I think habitual latecomers are just as likely to be late for hairdressers, doctors, dentists etc.

Agree, and I think they expect for everyone to think that they are then tremendous and should be lauded for the actually being on time!

Those who say they’re late for whatever reason, can I ask, do you turn up late for doctors, dentist, hair appointments or for a flight?
If you can turn up on time for these, who won’t accommodate you, you can be on time for everything else

That's always asked on these threads, @CaliforniaChill, and if it's answered at all it's usually with something about having to put lots of strategies in place if timekeeping's really important

Or in other words "I can do it if it really matters to me, but if it doesn't others will just have to put up with it"

YANBU
It is so entitled when people are always late. Once is ok for specific reason but constant lateness= entitled and selfish. Why is their time more important than yours?
I see less of one friend now because of it and if there is a choice if 2 prople to ask I won't ask her to come something

And of course you can clean.your teeth with someone there. How can someone be ok and safe and known well enough to be invited to your house but you can't clean your teeth. That's ridiculous.

My parents used to do this to me all the time. When ever we had to attend a funeral/wedding/family function etc

They'd tell me a time, remind me constantly in the days leading up to it what time that was, nor to be late etc ( I'm.never late I'm always early I then find somewhere to hide and wait. Buses usually mean u get there early and have ti wait cos the next one would be too late )

So I'd arrive ON TIME or maybe 5 mins early and guess what. They'd not he dressed , not have the car packed, faff fir 15 mins trying to double check triple check quadruple check they had keys, apparently so concerned I'd be late they couldn't concentrate on getting ready. No one else that was meant to be there would be there and some how them.not being ready was my fault.

Except I'd have rushed around getting ready , got the kids to school, called in a favour witg another parent to watch the kids in the play ground so I could leave straight away. Forked out fir a taxi to theor house when I already had monthly bus tickets so more bloody expense. My then partner would have had to have taken the afternoon off work so.lost money too , to pick.the.kids up from school. All so I could be there on time . And all this only to be blamed fir everyone else's lack.of being ready...late people need to just own it and not blame everyone else

If that was in response to me I didn’t say anything about them making me late. But yes, turn up 5 minutes early to my house and I may well be about to brush my teeth or put some make up on, or load the dishwasher and if you’re there early I won’t be able to do that.

I now know they friends who do turn up early and plan to be ready fifteen minutes before the agreed time but it’s as annoying as people who are habitually late who I also put plans in place for. There is no moral superiority in being early in my opinion, it’s equally inconsiderate and places equal demand on other people’s time and mental load.

Fair enough if you’re happy to wait round the corner or wait without comment till the agreed time though.

Yes i always kill time the other end too. I'd never show up akd expect to be accommodated ridiculously early.

With regards to people complaining about people being even 5 mins early though, if you had anything more than brushing your teeth putting your shoes on, or logging on to your till/computer and filling up your water bottle, let's face it you clearly weren't ever gonna be on time yourself akd blaming someone for being in the vicinity 5 mins early for making you late is unfair.

No I’ll get there 5 -10 mins early to prepare but people don’t wait outside, they come and sit in the room if they see that it’s empty or if you’re in there. I’m not going to kick them out because that would be twatty.

I’ve never known anyone wait outside a room for a meeting, not since school probably!

Oh yes, I absolutely get that and I agree with you 😀

I wouldn’t turn up at your house early because that would be rude & inconsiderate but I would sit in the car parked round the corner for 10min berating myself for being too early 😂

And you are absolutely right about the Teams meeting, they should only be started on time. I don’t mind on other services that don’t send those judgy messages.

I would disagree on the f2f meeting though, if you say 7 I will be outside before 7 ready to come in and start at 7, and if it was a fishtank meeting room I would hide outside! If you need time to prepare set the start time for 7:15.

Depends if this is a one off and justified. Or simple a careless person who is selfish. I tend to just let go friends that are rude like that. Life is too short and your time is a valuable as those of others. Usually they come with other undesirable personality traits so they won’t be missed in my life.

It is rude to turn up late in the UK culture.

It is disappointing to me as someone who is never late. Obviously unforeseen circumstances like car breaking down, crash on the motorway, helping a little old lady etc these are valid reasons to which I am not dissatisfied with obviously.

I just find it rude as to me as I'm never late even when pregnant, even with 5 children, even when I didn't drive and had to take several busses to get to destinations, even when not feeling great I have and will always make it in time. This is especially stressful and mentally draining as I have ADHD which is not an excuse to be late it just means I have to make even more effort to be there on time and I expect others to do so after all if I can make it why on earth can't they

UABU to think you are being IRRATIONALLY irritated! If I can bother to get there on time, why can't they! It may mean leaving home earlier than usual to make sure I can be on time but that's what I do if I have to.

Training, meetings etc. should always start on time. The only exceptions should be if somebody has been held up through no fault of their own, have already contacted the organiser, and have committed to being there within 5 minutes. Online training/meeting can be recorded and, in my opinion, latecomers should not be pandered to by going over things that have already been discussed. Instead they should go through the recording or ask for clarification at the end, if there is time, or by email. If you turned up late to a live performance you wouldn't expect them to wait for you, or to start again would you? This is just the same, but on a smaller scale.

Not being there on time means less time for questions, discussions etc., there may not be time to discuss the whole agenda, and it's just RUDE!

I’m not usually a latecomer but if we’ve agreed to meet at a certain time and you turn up early it makes me feel stressed and under pressure to be there early too. It feels hugely demanding and I start off on the back foot.

So if you’re coming to my house I might still be sorting out or getting dressed, if we’re meeting somewhere else and I get a message to say ‘I’m here’ I feel like shit and like I need to hurry up, if it’s a work meeting on teams I get the notification to say you’ve started the meeting when I’m still finishing something else and then I feel obliged to leave the job I’m doing and join you, if it’s face to face and I’m chairing, it means I have no time to set things up.

In conclusion 😉 for me it feel much more demanding and selfish to be early than late.

Thank you for allowing me my rant 🤣

I arrive early whenever possible, and allow extra time to avoid being late. What REALLY wound me up was when I missed 10 mins of a school event, because they started early, because 'most people seemed to have arrived'. Several of us were even outside, but assumed it was some earlier session that was finishing in there 😤

I did a birth course which started at 7pm on a week night, when pregnant with my second. Every f’ing week without fail one woman would turn up late and every week the teacher would wait for her. Sometimes it’d be 7.20pm. When you’re pregnant, shattered from work and want to get home on time it’s extra infuriating. I would look around in annoyance but everyone else seemed unbothered.

I also used to do a gym class at 7am and the knob head teacher would wait for latecomers. Was a 45 min class! I left.

Those who say they’re late for whatever reason, can I ask, do you turn up late for doctors, dentist, hair appointments or for a flight?

If you can turn up on time for these, who won’t accommodate you, you can be on time for everything else.

I’m a good time keeper, and if I’m going to be late I’ll call ahead, then apologise.

I’ve a couple of friends/ acquaintances who are always late. One arrived 2 hours after we started dinner, the other arrives 1 hour after coffee/ a movie/ an arranged event has started. Now we just refuse to wait and go in. She can catch us up.

Making people wait for you is rude.

Yes lateness, or not committing to a time, can be a form of control. Sometimes it’s subconscious, when for example it is connected to severe anxiety, but sometimes it’s more strategic.

Did you complain? I would have, waiting an hour is ridiculous. I wish people would call people out on this. My DH is notoriously late, people let him get away with it because he is a nice guy! Even at his work he's always late for meetings and they will wait for him. I feel he only does it because he can

But if you were the latecomer you wouldn’t know I was early so surely wouldn’t be upset by me 😉 😂😂😂

I did a college course a few years ago and it was maddening. Was meant to start at 8, so the more mature students were there at 8 if not before.
A few younger ones wouldn't get in till 9 and we would sit and wait for them!!! Pissed me off no end.

Put all the good stuff at the start as an icebreaker. That will show those piss-taking latecomers!

They annoy me too. I'm always on time.