I don’t understand why he wants me to stay

He wants a skivvy who can bankroll him.

Funny how his reaction to you wanting him to pull his weight, is to threaten to do even less.

Plough ahead with your plans to rid yourself of this deadweight.

He wants a skivvy who can bankroll him. He sounds like an absolute twat and a shit father. Leave him to be miserable, poor and alone. Your son will have a better life with you.

Also unless he is planning on walking away, your son will have two parents just ones that do not live together.

It is perfectly possible for separated parents to both be dedicated and involved parents for their children. If that does not happen, it is on him and his lazyness.

His response was to tell me that I need to explain to our son that I’m the one breaking up the family.

This is incredibly emotionally manipulative. Don't let him manipulate you like this. It's much better for a child to grow up in a happy single parent household than an unhappy two parent household.

It sounds like you've made the right decision to separate. As others have already pointed out, it's not that he doesn't want to lose you, he doesn't want to lose his comfortable setup wherein he doesn't have to pull his weight.

Why on earth don't you turn the cameras off or cover them over when you are home alone??

Also the camera stuff. WTF? Unplug them now. And let him know that sort of shit is a crime.

It’s not about you, he doesn’t want his cocklodging freeloading easy life interrupted.

Dont let this useless lump reek you back in. Your life will be a million % better without him

Yes, first response!

continue with your plans to separate and divorce. Explain to DS in a truthful, age appropriate way. Your ex can then decide whether to become a better father, or not.

I can’t continue living like this—I resent him every day. He watches me through cameras at home, leaving me no privacy.

You do know that's not normal right?

Who knows why he doesnt want you to leave, I'd guess because he would have to live in a hovel or clean up himself, why isnt important. You do need to leave.

I wouldn't want to stay in that house with cameras and it doesn't sound like he would respect you or move out so I would take the day off work, ring my parents and ask them to come over and help and pack DS and my bags and move in with family before renting my own place and then get the divorce rolling.

He doesn’t want you to stay. He wants an easy life. You need to do what’s best for you and your son and not feel any guilt about it. If your husband didn’t want his son to grow up in a single parent family, he should have treated you better and pulled his weight.

He's going to lose his housekeeper, childcare and meal ticket. Of course he doesn't want you to leave.

Telling that his response to you leaving is to make his child suffer.

Well he's shown you clearly how little you matter too him, that his first instinct is to try and punish you and also your child.

He doesn't have a choice here. If one person wants to split, you split

Also, unplug the bloody cameras when you're home alone.

You're already a single parent, just one who happens to be married.

This is in no way a partnership. And isn't it interesting to hear that your husband plans on doing even less with his child than he already does if you separate? Tells you just how much of a priority you both are to him. What possible incentive can you have to stay married?

Well I think you should carry on as intended. It sounds like he only wants you to stay to make his life easier.

You don’t need permission to leave, just do it and enjoy your new life!

First PP nails it.

He wants you to stay precisely because he’s not financially contributing or doing anything around the house. You are what makes his life easier, if you go he has to do more himself. It’s got nothing to do with growing up with a single parent and everything to do with him losing his life crutch.