To ask for carers for my Mum when she doesn't want them?

Different countries within the UK have different charging policies/ legislation for domiciliary care, so if your Mum is outside of England, the charges might not be as onerous as she thinks. It may also be possible to apply for disability benefits due to increased care needs, which would offset the costs. The hospital may have a discharge coordinator who could help fill out the forms, or Age UK or the CAB may be able to help- they know what to write to make care needs clear and increase the likelihood that a claim would be agreed.

A lot of people go the Direct Payments route, rather than using a care agency. This allows a person to have more control over their care, including who provides it and how. Staff are usually referred to as Personal Assistants rather than carers, which might help the idea of promoting independence rather than taking it away. The downside is having to find an alternative if the PA is sick or takes a holiday, as it is the employer's responsibility, not Social Services'.

It helps to get a Social Worker assessment, to ascertain their level of needs (hospital staff, as wonderful as they are, often don't see the 'big picture' of someone's life and circumstances) and can help signpost or refer to other services that could support once home.

As someone else posted above, let hospital staff know, and have it recorded in writing, that you are unable to offer reliable daily assistance, so they cannot include this option in discharge planning.

Good luck! 🤗

As other people have said, an assistance dog is the responsibility of the person who has it. So walking, feeding, poo picking is all down to your mum. It's no different to a guide dog for a visually impaired person. They have to look after the dog as any other owner would.

Madness to consider a dog for someone who can't even care for it themselves!

its highly unlikely that your mum would be given an assistance dog from any of the UK agencies- Canine Partners for example.

They all have strict criteria for care of the dog, including daily walks, regular vet check ups, appropriate food etc. They also require an area of garden for toileting and this needs to be cleaned up regualrly. Poop does need picked up on a walk, with some exceptions for guide dogs. Same as any other dog to be fair.

It does not sound like your mum is at a stage to provide that. So please do not bring a poor animal into the mix.

Noooo!
Please don't make the same mistake we did.
We got MIL a dog for company after FIL died.
Thinking it would be great for exercise, companionship etc..
She lied about taking the dog for a walk (she had dementia but we didn't know at the time)
She over fed the dog, gave it totally inappropriate food.
The dog became aggressive, overweight and it was so unfair on the animal.

Uh, no. Please don't tell her that. Elderly social services worker here. We don't put people in a home either against their will or until it's the last and least restrictive option for them.

Have a key safe installed. MIL had one so that the carers could come in. By then MIL wasn't very steady on her feet anyway.

You can try but she might send them away, or not let them in.
shed have to agree to pay unless you’ve got access to her money via LPA or something

very common scenario unfortunately

Erm, assistant dogs still need walking, feeding and clearing after. They don't come with their own "caregivers".

Intermediate care at home, can be called different things in different areas but it is not a blanket "free for 6 weeks" service.
It is a free service, based on need and it is usually provided for an absolute maximum of 6 weeks, but in some areas it is for a max of only 3 weeks.
It is used to support people back to independence and to assess what longer term needs are going to need supporting.

It all depends on the level of need of your mum and whether the discharge team at the hospital consider your mum will be safe at home. They will be under great pressure to discharge your mum if she is medically fit to go home.

As a PP says, it is essential to check with the team what your mum is telling them as it is very very common for elderly parents to insist they can manage because their daughter is popping in every day to cook/clean/help them wash. When that is not true at all.

Plenty of experience and advice over in the Elderly Parents board if you want.

My elderly friend , poor mobility, didn’t want carers until an occupational therapist went to her house, suggested a few aides that could be installed and then suggested a carer just in the mornings. Made a difference that it was a professional suggesting it and before long she had them morning and late afternoon. Might be worth seeing if this route persuades her.

i used to talk about delegating some jobs to make sure you stay independent to people I was setting up a service for. ‘Carers’ sounds so infantilising, personal assistants is much better.

Why is she still in hospital? Is there some short term injury? If it’s just because she’s weak then the sooner she’s out the better, she will continue to weaken in hospital.

I’m not sure the other posters are 100% correct. I have experience of social services not allowing a family member to go home from hospital because she couldn’t look after herself. The first time she was placed in a care home temporarily and the second time she was returned to hospital because a care package wasn’t set up. However she really couldn’t look after herself, couldn’t get up after a fall and refused to stop taking the stairs on her own and more. People do receive care packages they don’t really want all the time because they can’t safely look after themselves and it’s in their best interests. But I wouldn’t lie to your mum or scare her to get her to agree. I do agree you need to make it clear that you won’t be acting as her carer and won’t be looking after her yourself.

That’s a brilliant way of looking at it. So they’re not caring for him, but are more of a housekeeper.

Why would you lie to her?

as long as her brain works they can’t force that!

Just remembered - my cousin didn't use the word carers to her dad, I think she called them his assistants. She also pointed out that "in the olden days" it used to be quite common for older people to have "a woman wot does" to pop in every day, it's just that nowadays it's men and women and you get them from an agency not the village. I don't know exactly how she described it, but she put it into this context which he was comfortable with rather than just "carers".

The fact is it is expensive she is right. But she can't expect everyone around her to subsidise her if they are already stretched. It may be worth stressing the interim nature of it to get her home and things back into routine - so the 6 weeks intermediate care which is not assessed. She will then need an assessment by the Adult Social Services team to assess her level of need for carers and once that is established they do a financial assessment to see if she can be funded in any way. Most people need to pay as the bar is low! However you can encourage her with the idea of physio, temporary cleaners/gardeners which take off the manual labour load for those relatives that do go to help - caring whilst still manual is in my view less onerous than gardening or proper/deep cleaning. Do sort regular food deliveries/collections that you drop as that is a big job as well if running your own families, We would have housekeeper style people come and get food deliveries that day that they put away, they did cleaning and clothes washing, plus bed change and wash and also did cups of tea and snacks. Mum felt that was a lot let intrusive than having "strangers" around. The first couple of times they were there we stayed as well so Mum got to know them too.

My late MIL didn't want carers. However, she really did need them. She had alzheimers and was on quite a lot of medication. The carers visited just to make sure she took her correct dose every day.

We framed it so that having carers enabled her to remain independent, so she reluctantly accepted this. As she deteriorated the carers would come more often and heat up a meal in the microwave for her. Also, as she lived on her own it meant that she had interaction with another human being every day.

We lived 150 miles away so couldn't help on a day to day basis.

Also, find out what she is saying to the hospital staff. My cousin discovered her elderly dad had been telling staff he could go home as his daughter was coming to stay with him. She made sure it was written into his notes that his daughter was not, and could not, stay with him whatever he said to the contrary.

If you just want a reason for her to get up what about meals on wheels if they are available in your area? It's not technically a carer but they do have NOK contact details.

Quite. What an appalling suggestion. Also a person with capacity has to agree to grant power of attorney. You can't unilaterally "ensure" it.

You mean intermediate health care. Continuing health care is something else, and not relevant here.