To think this is scandalous yet in plain sight because the patriarchy has no shame

Yet again, "capable of" =/= actually doing.
You are super dad, we get it. Now more energy into teaching other men your ways and less into telling women why we're wrong please.

Yes we have children and yes he is really great with all of the children

Bullshit.

My two year old can potter around the lounge without constant supervision. I can leave him alone and load the washing machine, hang laundry, wash the dishes, cook lunch, etc. My five year old can certainly be left alone while I get on with things.

I wouldn't have been able to do that when they were first walking and climbing up on things.

These ridiculous gotcha posts that apparently 'prove' that I'm incapable of looking after my kids are ridiculous.

Mens are incapable of buying and fitting a car seat? Buying nappies and bubble bath? Bathing children?

Do some women really find this stuff so difficult that you can't conceive of somebody else finding it simple and mundane?

The pool of men who are actually willing to do 50% is so small that it's pretty much impossible to find one. Many will pull a bait and switch on you and tell you they will do their share. You only find out the truth after having the child. Who wouldn't be bitter about that? It's not as simple as somehow "finding" somebody better. Where? How? Is there a dating service which only accepts people who are exceptions to the norm?

I personally know one exception. Most of us have met exceptional people at one time or another. That doesn't change the reality. It isn't standard. Just face that and get over it.

One huge issue is the cost of childcare in the UK. Coupled with the cost of housing.

I don't know if OP gets free hours, but given the median salary is around £36000 (and 50% of people earn LESS than this), I don't know many men who can afford 50% £1300 nursery fees + child maintenance given other personal expenses like food, housing etc. Whereas if the mum (primary carer) is on a low income she will be eligible for benefits to help pay for rent, childcare and daily expenses.

So, I'm not sure how fair it is to call a dad "deadbeat" if he is paying child maintenance at the requested amount, but not paying an additional £650 in nursery fees. He may genuinely not have the money (I know everyone on MN has 6-figure salaries). I don't agree with posters who will reply that he should get a second job etc. In real life, most people wouldn't want to work 60 hours a week, to see their child 1 day a week and give a huge chunk of earnings to their ex for the next 18 years. The human psyche doesn't work that way.

The government need to do much more to make childcare truely affordable. The same with housing. Then everyone would be better off. Why are so many dads "deadbeat"? It indicates there is something wrong with the system for both sides (primary carer, and non-resident).

Do you have kids with him? If so, is he genuinely an equal parent to them?

Dad's do this too you know.

When my husband ex had an affair, she stayed in house and had the family car.

He had to buy a car get car seats, rent a house, furnish house. Buy shoes and clothes, shampoo, tooth paste etc for the children.

She just kept everything they had got together.
He planned the meals, made the meals, did everything.
Paid maintenance, didn't stop her bad mouthing him, threatening to stop the children going to him if he didn't pay a random extra amount or do something he wanted at the drop of a hat.

She moved the man she had been having an affair with into the family home.

False separation from his children who he had been hands on with from day one was awful for him but as a grown up he got on with it.
Having to deal with last minute cancelled time was awful but mostly it was unfair for the children who would be told daddy can't be bothered to have you today.

Proof that you don't do much parenting can be found in your claim that it's "not that hard" after age two. It shows you have no concept of the day to day reality. Have you never even heard of the terrible twos? Toddlers are the hardest, because they are everywhere and into everything. They have to be watched at all times.
For example, infants can often be put in the crib while you go take a quick shower or make dinner.

We live in Sweden, in these cases there is a base rate then the actual costs of the children are calculated, both parents incomes are taken in to account to work out what the NRP pays. If they’re 50/50 which is the most common here, if there is an earning gap the lower earning party would still be provided with financial support. If the NRP doesn’t pay until everything is formalised, the state will step in and pay a base rate, this then becomes debt the NRP owes the government. As it looks at the costs of the children it does take nursery costs etc into account, meaning one parent isn’t left with all the fees, however childcare costs are extremely low here.

It has needed to change in England for a very long time, but I sadly can’t see that happening.

Hsving to pay adequate child support might make neglectful fathers reconsider spreading their seed all over the place without a thought for the consequences.

Let’s be honest, I don’t think any woman has a child with a man thinking that he might ditch her then quibble about paying the £2.50 per week the CMS says his child is entitled to.🙄

This is the stone truth.

A born child is an actual person with needs and rights. Refusing to pay child support is not analogous to abortion.

I did it fine as a male lone parent.

This thread is getting stupid now. In general terms men as a collective do very little to contribute truly equally to a well functioning family unit. Of course, there are exceptions as with all things. Arguing about whether the exception is right or wrong is entirely missing the point that on a societal level men being shit fathers and husbands is a big problem.

Well you keep responding, despite me repeatedly pointing out that I'm not talking about you or every single man ever... women are not "bitter" if they don't agree with you.
My DH is a wonderful spouse and provider, but he is very well aware that he, and most men, are not equal parents. You're not men any favours by ignoring what all women know is true - most men don't do anything close to 50/50. (If you do fine, but stop being so defensive)

Men (as a group) often blame women for the failures of men. Just because NAMALT does not mean many men are competent and involved.

"Yes of course you do because your wife merely "contributes". Super dad. Gold medal."

You seem bitter. Maybe you should try and choose a better partner next time around?

Yes of course you do because your wife merely "contributes". Super dad. Gold medal.

Yet another disclaimer is necessary apparently. If you/your dad/your DH are the exception, do not take it personally.
If you are a dad/second wife and you keep engaging, I am going to assume that actually I am right and you are lying to yourself.

Who bought the clothes and made sure they were clean?

Me.

Who makes sure the shoes fit?

Me.

Who bought and filled the changing bag?

My wife. She uses it daily.

Who makes sure there's nappies/wipes/sudo in stock?

Me.

Who researched, bought and fitted the car seats?

Me. My wife wouldn't have a clue.

Who stocks the fridge for the packed lunches?

We don't do packed lunches, but hardly tricky.

Who plans the dinners?

Me.

Who keeps the bubble bath in stock and the towels dry?

Me.

Who changes the bedsheets?

Me.

As I pointed out my sons dad managed it for 10 bloody years. My own dad managed it for years also

Wow that martyr hat is a splendid fit on you.

I don’t know your son’s dad.

I don’t know you though. I said I don’t know a man who could do it for a day and I don't.

Even my own DB is bloody useless. He has his DC7 eow, but takes him to stay at our Mum’s. She runs round after him, cooks all his meals, takes him out, puts him to bed etc while DB goes to work then sits on his arse. He does nothing for him.

Exactly. And it's not even that simple.

Who bought the clothes and made sure they were clean?
Who makes sure the shoes fit?
Who bought and filled the changing bag?
Who makes sure there's nappies/wipes/sudo in stock?
Who researched, bought and fitted the car seats?
Who stocks the fridge for the packed lunches?
Who plans the dinners?
Who keeps the bubble bath in stock and the towels dry?
Who changes the bedsheets?

Any idiot can look after kids for 12 hours, but how many dad are actually doing half of everything. He's doing in on Thursday, who did it today, yesterday, tomorrow? Or is only remarkable when he does it?