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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you don’t ask for a present of this value…

184 replies

Ruderequest · 15/07/2024 15:58

I’m annoyed, possibly irrationally so and need talking down.

DH was stuck for ideas for his grandma’s husband’s birthday (in his 70s, younger than her) and so asked for some present inspiration from her. Today arrives a large bottle of aftershave from the Amazon delivery guy. I searched for it on Amazon and see it’s priced between £70-80.

I’m really cross. They are not that close, we see them maybe twice a year and they are very well off indeed but have never helped us out when we have been struggling in the past. I’d never spend this on a relative’s birthday and if I was going to I would discuss it with DH. We have just fixed at a ridiculously high (5%) mortgage rate and we have a baby on the way soon. We’ve never really needed to watch the cash and as such have never had a present budget but we do need one now as my maternity pay is not going to be great and we’re both trying to save as much as possible, which has been a common understanding for months now.

I’m also annoyed at his grandma for having little concept of cost?

Prepared to be told AIBU but how is best to approach this without conflict? I don’t want to argue, I’m just stressed as to me every penny counts.

OP posts:
MouseofCommons · 15/07/2024 16:11

Yanbu. Even my mum doesn't spend that on my gifts. (Although she would give me money in a financial crisis).

Original poster
Ruderequest · 15/07/2024 16:10

ViciousCurrentBun · 15/07/2024 16:09

You have said they are very well off, thing is to them £70 may seem like a tenner.

I think you’re probably right :( but how they can’t see that we are working every hour under the sun to make sure we have enough behind us, I don’t know. I’m trying not to let it wind me up but struggling

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 15/07/2024 16:10

Sillystrumpet · 15/07/2024 16:05

It must be very bad indeed if you can’t afford this, it seems you’ve different views on how skint you both are, so you need to sit down and talk about the fact you’re struggling so much financially and can’t afford this.

personlly I can’t imagine sitting looking to see how much it cost, and think it shows just how hard up you both are, how does he not know this.

agree a budget between you.

Are you taking the piss? £70 to £80 on a distant relatives birthday present is loads. I'd say you must be pretty loaded if this is the norm. I'd love to be able to spend that and not bat an eye.

TomatoSandwiches · 15/07/2024 16:10

If they're well off they will likely have different tastes and expectations?

Next time just opt for a decent bottle of wine and a card.

Pootles34 · 15/07/2024 16:10

I agree with the OP @Sillystrumpet (although I do love your user name), that is a bit of a tone-deaf post. £70 is a lot to spend on a family member that isn't close, I'm sure most people would think it a bit much?

Especially to suggest someone spending that on you - the cheek! However OP you now need to request outrageous Christmas gifts from them - get planning now!

ViciousCurrentBun · 15/07/2024 16:09

You have said they are very well off, thing is to them £70 may seem like a tenner.

Original poster
Ruderequest · 15/07/2024 16:07

Sillystrumpet · 15/07/2024 16:05

It must be very bad indeed if you can’t afford this, it seems you’ve different views on how skint you both are, so you need to sit down and talk about the fact you’re struggling so much financially and can’t afford this.

personlly I can’t imagine sitting looking to see how much it cost, and think it shows just how hard up you both are, how does he not know this.

agree a budget between you.

I think it’s a bit tone deaf to say it must be very bad indeed if we can’t afford £70 like that. Honestly which family can in the COL crisis??

It’s priorities, isn’t it? Of course we have the £70 available and more but we also need to make sure we are financially stable when I have reduced income over maternity leave, and to deal with this new mahoosive mortgage payment and any unexpected bills.
Nothing wrong with a gift that costs half this and inviting them over for dinner - imo.

OP posts:
Sillystrumpet · 15/07/2024 16:05

It must be very bad indeed if you can’t afford this, it seems you’ve different views on how skint you both are, so you need to sit down and talk about the fact you’re struggling so much financially and can’t afford this.

personlly I can’t imagine sitting looking to see how much it cost, and think it shows just how hard up you both are, how does he not know this.

agree a budget between you.

Original poster
Ruderequest · 15/07/2024 16:03

I will add that although we never had a budget before we still weren’t rolling in it, just less skint and with less outgoings and financial commitments than now.

OP posts: