To think you don’t ask for a present of this value…

I would let it go and not mention it.

You’re naturally worried about money right now, so it may be a good time to have a chat about finances. Ideally you are in a situation where you can both hold a bit back from household money to spend how you please. I wouldn’t mention the aftershave at all in this conversation. It would just be useful for you both to have agreed oversight on finances. Plus (hopefully) the freedom for you both to each have some spends that you don’t need to justify to the other.

I remember I was in a new graduate job, father in law had started his career way back in the same job in the same Govt dept. The wages weren’t that different, 30 years on, but where he’d been able to afford a big 4 bed house and support a SAH wife and children, me and his son together could barely afford a one bed flat in a shittier location!

YANBU, the fault lies with your DH. In my family we spend £20 for Secret Santa. In DH's family they spend a lot more on presents. We have separate money, DH can spend what he likes, as long as it does NOT come from our family budget.

I find all this generational twaddle annoying. There is however a fact, things were easier for people starting out in the early 1980s. This was true of young, working families in the 50s and it is true now. It is a fact that my parents had an easier time of it financially. In both of our families, only the DH worked and DM's were SAHM. They both lived in local authority houses for a time. Higher mortgage rates were more common back then. They still had a better standard of living.

Looking at average house prices now and 45ish years ago:
5% of £250,000 is £12,500 (2024)
18.63% of £25,000 is £4657.50 (early 1980's)

I

Hi OP, as you haven't had to worry about budgeting before, this was likely a rash decision by your husband. Let it go.
Good luck with the new arrival!

You sound majorly pissed off at the granny for some reason.

She made a suggestion.

It's you husband's fault for taking her up on it.

You also say 'how they can't see we're working every hour under the sun's

How would they if they are so distant and you only see them twice a year???

I think granny annoys you and you're directing some of your anger towards her, but in reality, she has done absolutely nothing wrong.

I think the OPs husband asked his grandma what her husband wanted he didn't ask the husband. I don't think it's odd for the grandma to suggest something.

Houses wouldn't be so expensive if people didn't overstretch themselves to get a mortgage, low interest rates have fed into this, as well as all the government interference encouraging people to buy houses. Prices need to be allowed to stagnate so prices go down. But the silent generation and older Boomers will be dying off in the next 10-20 years so it will even out and the Millenials will become the richest generation as they inherit from their parents.

Nobody buys a 200ml bottle, the perfume will go off before it gets used up so tellhim to send it back and get the standard 100ml bottle (or even a 30ml bottle).

Glad you clarified that @TinkerTiger . I had you listed under 'posters who didn't read the OP properly. You are a good person.

I don't think you can blame his grandma your husband asked what he would like and she told him . He could have bought a smaller bottle or something else.
I do think it a little unusual to search on Amazon to check how much it cost . My DH buys things for his family and I wouldn't think about checking to see how much he has spent.

Are you seriously suggesting that mortgages/ house prices were worse in any way in the 80's than they are now? Have you been living under a rock?

It may be better to keep the joint bank account for genuinely joint spending, and have separate accounts for your own spending on stuff like this. You can both do what you like, then. It’ll put a stop to quarrels like this.

Because then they would have to admit that it wasn't actually all down to their own hard work, skill and brilliant choices that they were able to buy a property that then rocketed in value without them having to do anything.

yes I noticed after and edited my post! Was really confused for a minute

So why are you annoyed at his grandma? It was him that bought the big bottle, she might have meant the small one (or might not even have realised the cost/ might not have been able to think of anything else).

It's communication between you and your DH that is the problem here.

Indeed you didn't - adjusted for inflation you earned quite a lot more than people do now.

@TinkerTiger , OP's DH asked his Gran what her husband wanted for his birthday - the present was for the step-Granddad

This. I don't know why other people find it so hard to admit that for most people, it was easier to buy a house then than it is now.

I'm i'd be annoyed with your DH not Granny.

Women use aftershave? You sure he didn't buy it for himself?

WHOOPS edit: reading it twice I still only saw 'grandma' but on a third read i noticed 'husband' after it

Who wants a 200m bottle? thats huge

Also it's not even his grandma. Her husband. So not his grandfather?
Seriously he could've just gotten some standard man present for a tenner

It's not been as high as 7% in the last 25 years, so most people under 50 only ever knew low mortgage interest rates until Liz Truss got involved.

So the issue here actually is you have different priorities for the money you have, not that you don’t have the money. He is obviously happy spending that on the gift. As he has done so. If you have completely shared accounts did you not see the money going out? Would it not have been an issue if he had spent it on himself for example? Was it just because you opened the parcel it’s irritated you?

I just can’t imagine telling DH how much he could spend on a present for someone rise but I do trust him to be financially responsible over all for us when spending.

OP YABVU to blame the gran. Blame your idiot husband. It's common for perfumes to come in a smaller cheaper version, he splurged.

Tell him to send it back. Budgets only work if everyone's on board

It's not kept pace, and also we're forced to lock away a lot more into schemes so we can pay for your generation's massively high pensions.