To think you don’t ask for a present of this value…

It wasn't a direct order from the recipients.

Your H should have been sensible and bought a smaller bottle. Or he should have chosen something else in a reasonable price range and not bothered asking for suggestions. Book? England football shite? Voucher for a garden centre?

This is a husband problem, and nothing to do with the people who gave a suggestion when asked.

Sit him down and ask him to give his head a wobble. He needs to engage his brain when choosing and spending money on presents. Asking people what they'd like is asking for trouble.

@Ruderequest So the issue is not the grandma's suggestion... the issue is your husband buying the biggest bottle possible. 😬

Sorry didn’t read OP properly. Last sentence still stands though.

That’s not a fair comment either. My house was about £50k but my wage was only £80 a week and I regularly lived off beans on toast or soup as a main meal. I struggled a lot back in the 80s and am again now. Neither time has been fun or easier!

Ah another one of these people who doesn’t understand basic maths. The relevant indicator is not the interest rate, but the multiple of salary to house value. In the 80s the multiple was much lower than it is today.

It’s a seventieth birthday. A big milestone. You won’t have to buy him another present for ten years. If it was going to be such a problem you should have chosen something yourself and not asked someone else to do it.

£70 for 200ml bottle for a step grandad you rarely see is ludicrous it that’s what happens when you ask for suggestions.
A £15-£20 bottle of wine would have been fine.

£70 for his grandma's husband ie someone who's not even his granddad? It's not like its a big birthday either.

I'd be equally resentful, hard up or not.

What a thoughtless, snooty reply!

I wonder if she just doesn’t realise how much it costs? Sounds like she’s quite old? Your husband shouldn’t have bought it - if you’re a bit mad at anyone it should be him.

It sounds like you have expected him to do what you do without communicating this to him. Perhaps take this as reminder of the importance of setting out expectations and having a discussion over it so you can both agree.

I think I’d speak to DH and suggest getting the smaller one - totally understandable with your explanation of the situation.

I do sympathise OP - MIL asked for expensive boots for her birthday one year - £150. We suggested to siblings to chip in which they initially said they would - then each of them bought cheap gifts instead leaving DP to foot the bill alone. I wasn’t best pleased either tbh.

I'm not sure why you are so angry at granny, it's your husband you need to talk with. If you can't afford it, don't buy it! I also had no idea how expensive perfume had got till recently. I swear last time I looked (not something I buy admittedly) it was about 30-40 quid. I recently toyed with the idea of treating myself to some. Only to discover the price is at least double that!

I've only read your posts, OP, but it does seem you're being a little unreasonable. It sounds like you and your DH haven't had a discussion around current budgeting needs, so that's probably something to address sooner rather than later. If you do then decide on a budget for presents, and you ask someone to send you ideas for presents, you need to specify the budget e.g. what's John like that's around £20?

I'd spend that sort of money on DP but not on a step-grandfather.

What a poisonous and unconstructive response.
I put it to you that the vast majority of people would consider £80 a lot to spend on someone you vaguely know, regardless of income.
Just return it and get something cheaper.

@ImplacableDiscernment , what are those figures?

There you go then. A 200ml bottle of aftershave or perfume is costly

Smaller Bottle of 30ml Would have been fine

This, I’d be furious if my husband was telling me wha6 I can spend from the money I earned, it’s the reason we have our own accounts for spends, and a joint one for joint expenses, so that one can’t dictate to the other or start googling how much stuff cost.

stunned some are saying send it back, like the 0p is in total control of the finances and he gets absolutely no say on how to spend money he earns,

I strongly suspect his view on this is goin to be very different to the ops, hence why she’s searching the price and then asking on here.

can you share the cost of the gift with a sibling? so a joint gift rather than just from your dh.

Is that the standard price or has your dh just purchased a large bottle at a convenient amazon deliver price? Did they ask fir that specific aftershave or did they just suggest aftershave? The problem is not them suggesting it, it's that you and dh are on different pages about what you can afford. Maybe time to chat about finances.

It must be very bad indeed if you can’t afford this
only on mumsnet 😆

The only people who spend that on me are my parents.

This. Get angry with the person who spent the money.

I thought this about my husband's family. I'm on maternity leave, and they know we're only getting Maternity Allowance, no SMP, yet still sent £££ items on the gift list for Christmas.

At least they were close relations though. I wouldn't be specific with someone more distantly related.

This.

I don't begrudge people being able to buy their homes cheaper back in the 1980s/1990s, but I despise the utter refusal of so many people to see that they did have it a bit easier than young people now.

Instead, they just want to pretend that it was all down to their hard graft and skill and the reason that young people can't get on the ladder-has nothing to do with the rocketing house prices, interest rates and the fact that wages haven't been keeping up-but instead, because all the young people are just lazy whiners who wouldn't know a hard day's work if it bit them in the face.

And this is coming from a millennial who owns my own home on my own, but I feel for people struggling now and I know I got lucky.