Work experience and DD with men

Unfortunately the dd has grown up with this attitude. She may not think her df insane.

This is such toxic masculinity on show - I feel really sad for your poor dd. Unfortunately op this is exactly how your dh thinks.

This is awful. Your husband isn’t ’protective’, he’s controlling and creepy. He sounds more jealous than anxious, and it’s weird. Your DD isn’t his possession. She’s 15 years old and she’s been offered a brilliant opportunity, and he wants to take that away from her because he doesn’t want her to be near a man without a chaperone?? That’s insane.

I had a Saturday job at 15. Sometimes I was the only girl on shift. If my dad had made me give that up because he didn’t want me being around men, I’d have thought he was completely insane.

Just remind him that women can also be - murders, perverts, pedophiles, abusers and well anything really. It's not just men.

Your DH is being ridiculous, surely you don't need others to tell you that. It's such a sexist attitude, your DD is old enough to look after herself, and I worry his attitude is going to create a fear for her around men, which isn't given as the vast majority are nice people. What about when she has a Saturday job, is he going to turn up and vet her colleagues - ridiculous.

I am very en guarde around safety but your DH is out of line.

super controlling and over the top here.

And this is why women's lives are so often made smaller, with fewer opportunities from day 1.

I can sympathise with your DH being a bit nervous - we're all nervous as we send our DC out into the world. And most of us are not naive enough to think that there aren't real risks. But he is being ridiculous.

I think DH is being very unreasonable. I have. 13 yo DD and would be fine with this situation when she's 15/16. What does your DH think is going to happen? Yes it's sensible for girls to avoid risky situations but this really isn't one.

I would put it to him that when she gets older and gets into a relationship you don't want her to think it's normal for her partner to have control over who she sees and that she can't work alongside men in a professional setting. So he has to let go and start trusting her instead of controlling her.

Your dh is limiting her life experiences. Unless there's a reason why your dd is extra vulnerable or has a background that would give extra context then this is ridiculous. Tbh I'd find this creepy op. There's a fine line between protective and possessive.

You should show your husband the replies here so he will see how awful his behaviour is perceived by everyone (seeing as he won't listen to you). It's not normal.

As others have said your husband is being very unreasonable in his estimation of risk and behaviour, it is controlling. Your daughter has done really well getting this work experience and she doesn't deserve to have it spoilt. This could really help her with what she wants to do career wise and she's really looking forward to it. I think if your husband forbids her from going then it will seriously damage their relationship.

You need to nip this in the bud NOW

Your DD is excited about what she'll be seeing and doing and he wants to prevent her doing it. That's messed up

And she's less likely to speak up IF something did happen if she's aware her DF thinks this way and would blame you/her rather than the perpetrators. A kind of "I can't tell them that he touched me because Dad told me I shouldn't be there and he'll only be smug and tell me he'd warned me. And he'll be mad at Mum. Better just stay quiet about it"

And I also agree with other posters, most men don’t see a 15 year old girl automatically as a potential victim. Why does your husband? Probably do her some good to be around actual normal, reasonable professional men who see her as a person with interests and ambition and not an object.

So he is being obsessive, controlling and teaching her how men should act towards women

This is revolting and dressing it up as 'but he cares' is creepy

Your husband is being deeply odd and I would be concerned that it says more about him and his conduct around women than anything else.

Is he the sort of man who is concerned that men will treat his daughter in the same way that he himself treats women?

It’s not different, if anything a teacher has a more sustained and prolonged amount of time to groom a victim and exert power, like a sports coach. An employee at the business is highly unlikely to risk an entire career and ruin upon meeting your daughter for a single week. Logically think it through, she’s more at risk walking the street alone from opportunistic attacks than she is in a legitimate company who have been thoroughly checked with a decent record.

Your husband does realise she will likely be out the house in a few short years and off at university, or travelling etc and would be far better to be prepared and to be able to look after herself than to have been simply denied any potentially “risky” life experiences (of which he’s being ridiculous, school work experience is hardly sending her to a crack den). Is she allowed to trust any men? Does he let her be alone in a room with male relatives? Statistically they’re far more likely to cause her harm than a stranger in an office to apply his outlandish logic.

I think you should get outside professional help. He isn't being protective, he is being possessive
.

As you know, your husband is being ridiculous. And to be honest, I would be worried about his own attitude to young girls and women if he feels ALL men are perverts. People tend to be be suspicious of things they think/do themselves.

This says volumes more about your husband and who he is than the men your DH is on work experience with.

Says more about your husband than anything else.

He needs to get a grip, it'll affect her relationships with men going forward

Does he want her to be drawn to controlling men who track her movements and worry about other men around her - as this is what she is learning is love/protection

Can he spell out what he's actually concerned about? Is it at the level of "they might be creepy and make a sexualised comment to her" or does he worry she'll be assaulted and murdered. Because the former, yes there probably would always be a small risk that a man might be a bit of a creep to a teenage girl if they thought they could get away with it. And sadly it would more be a case of ensuring she knows what to do if that happens. While the chances of two random men in a professional environment suddenly deciding to assault a teenage girl who is working with them as part of an organised school work experience scheme - so it would be clearly traced who she was with and they'd then probably lose their jobs and go to prison - pretty small.

What an extraordinary reaction. He is going to need to get a handle on this behaviour before she gets totally fed up, moves out and doesn’t ever really want to come back.
He’s going to spoil this for her and she’s not going to forget it. The place have done her a favour taking her on and sound like they’re really making an effort to give her a good experience. He can’t make demands on how they do things. They’ll just tell her not to bother.
This example aside, his possessiveness is weird.

When you write 'very protective' please rewrite with 'very controlling'. She is 15 - this is not normal behaviour. When my children went on work experience it didn't even occur to me to check the sex of the staff.