10% of income is fair ‘rent’

Thanks for this. I will admit that my ADHD has contributed to me getting in trouble financially in the past, mainly down to the impulsiveness in engenders.

I was more thinking of the way it hasn't affected me understanding why I need to pay my own way etc, and does seem to be a bit of an excuse with some people.

Tell him adults don't live for free and he is an adult that can choose to live with you for 10% ( that's not enough imo ) or pay more to live elsewhere.

"I think it's good enough that parents give a "hand up" to adult children, rather than a "hand out", as it does make adult children "grow up" and be more responsible a lot sooner than just giving them an extended childhood by giving them too much when they should be capable of being semi self sufficient themselves as adults."

Absolutely this.

Ds aged 20 (also asd) actually initiated a conversation yesterday where he said he knew he was lucky that I can afford to help him in ways some of his friend's parents can't but that we won't always be around and he needs to learn how to stand on his own two feet.

@LadyGrinningSoul8517
I'm the same.
Never charged mine..
They bought their own clothes/ toiletiers/ makeup.
That was it..
I didn't use any more water/ gas/ electricity etc than when they were at college before they began work... they didn't suddenly eat more. Everything was still the same.
They worked hard at their first jobs.. gaining experience and moving up.
They needed their own money to get to work/ buy lunch/ save for their own homes.
One started her own business.
When they started earing more. One bought me a new washing machine when mine broke.
Other bought me a dishwasher.
They paid for their own bedrooms decorating / bought new furnishings for them.
But l never charged them board,/ rent etc.
They are my children.
I looked after them when children. Now they look after me when l need it
Just couldn't take their hard earned money.

10% is way too little!

When I got my first job, I paid half my wages to my Mum for bed and board, and I was only paid the NIC limit at that time which was £32 per week back in 1983!

As my wages increased year on year, I continued to pay 50% right through until I left home.

Out of the half I kept, I bought my own clothes, so the half I paid was to cover most meals, laundry, bedding, and a place over my head.

I didn't begrudge a penny of it, because I could still save out of my half towards moving out after a few years whereas if I'd moved out earlier, all my wages would have gone on flat rental, food, etc., with nothing left over.

After a couple of years, I took a "loan" off my mother to buy a car, and I paid that back monthly too - I was happy in that she didn't charge me interest, so the monthly payments were less than if I'd got HP or a bank loan for the car.

I think it's good enough that parents give a "hand up" to adult children, rather than a "hand out", as it does make adult children "grow up" and be more responsible a lot sooner than just giving them an extended childhood by giving them too much when they should be capable of being semi self sufficient themselves as adults.

Do you/his dad work? It's your home too. Why does he feel it's OK for you to have to pay for the necessities of life but not him?

It's very little. Is he saving up to move our?

I charge my 22 year old dd a set amount rather than it being a percentage of her income. She has asd and suspected ADHD and got into a mess financially when she was living away from home.

There's something known as the ADHD tax to describe the financial cost of not attending to detail about paying for things in time to get the early rate or paying late penalty fees etc.

Professor Kirby says many ADHD'ers also have dyscalculia - a condition that makes it hard to process number-based information. This means budgeting and financial planning can either be non-existent or highly stressful.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/disability-67945367

At that age a good 40-50% of my salary went on rent & household bills and that was in a shared house with 4 other people!
10% isn’t much at all. Does it even cover his share of water, heating etc bills???

Regarding the slight learning disability I can understand him needing things explained slowly & clearly, things like how much he costs you to live there in food, heating etc. But I don't understand what ADHD has to do with this?

I worked out what mine pay by showing them exactly what costs are included. A food contribution, phone payment, contribution to streaming services, medical insurance, etc. It doesn't cover their costs but it gives them some experience of budgeting and costs. It's perfectly fair they contribute.

I didn't ask to be born either but my parents haven't paid for me at all since I was 17.

10% seems very little.

We have been charging him 10% of what he earns as ‘rent’ to try and get him used to paying his way

Far too little if the long-term plan is for him to learn how to budget for the time when he moves into supported housing to live more independently.

You need to show him more of the costs of "living at home". His presence will add to your utility bills and grocery shopping. If he doesn't want to pay rent he could try buying all his own food and toiletries for a month.

He's not a kid, he's an adult. It's good for them to pay their way and learn some skills about living in the world as an adult.

YABU as 10% is bugger all!

YANBU but he seems to struggle with the concept of money anyway. Also from his POV nothing has changed, but he now has to hand over cash.
The only way he will understand is if he stops paying and there are actually consequences.

I'm wondering whether something physical will work? Like making him do the food shop instead?

10% is very little so he should be grateful. I think it’s bad to let adult DC live with you without them contributing financially in some way.

I despair for the next generation if this is how they're being spoilt.

That's more than fair, I'd be charging more. I'd be showing him a spreadsheet of what your costs are so he gets to understand how adults have to prioritise their rent/mortgage, bills, insurance, food etc.

Are you going to bankroll your kids throughout their whole lives since they didn't ask to be born?

People wonder why cocklodgers exist

10% is low.

The answer to his “I’m living at home,” is “so am I, but it still costs money.”

When he’s a child his contribution to the household is to go to school and do his best. When he’s an adult in employment he contributes financially towards the cost of the household. It’s part of growing up.

You’re still supporting him by massively subsidising his life; he is just starting to make a token contribution.

IF he was pulling in a million a year, you're taking the piss... if it's minimum wage etc, no, seems fair :)

If he winces each month when he has to pay, just nod and explain it’s the start of a life lesson that will last his entire working life or until he’s paid off his mortgage. So he may as well get used to it.