10% of income is fair ‘rent’

How much does he save for his future accommodation and however much it is wouldn't you rather he added whatever he could to afford to save rather than buying you takeaways?

I would base it on a formula of salary and outgoings.

So as a simple example - bills are £1000 a month.

You earn £50K, your DH earns £30K and your son earns £20K. So you pay £500 into the kitty, DH pays £300 and son contributes £200 a month.

Would that work for you?

I would not charge rent, because I don't have a mortgage but would work out the costs of running the house otherwise, and then divide up as above. It's roughly how DH and I do it now - joint account for bills that we pay into according to our income and then our own accounts.

I should add I wouldn't be able to run the household without her contribution. Once their TC/UC stopped they had to make up the difference, if nothing else. One low wages doesn't support a household. And yes, their dad has always been hopeless with money but I didn't realise how much til we split.

It's fine to charge what you think works for them and you. They need to learn they have to provide for themselves.

I'm a single parent so my income plus UC top up pays for everything. My 23yr old pays me a quarter of what our basic rent and utilities are. I don't charge her other expenses such as my car etc it is just rent, CT, water, oil and electric and a couple other household essentials plus some towards food. My younger two are still in education. I don't take anything off my 18yo but she pays all her own car expenses such as insurance. When she leaves education and starts a full time job I'll be asking for a quarter from her too.

I think that is fair as they will be earning as much as me at that point.

Of course it's fair, will he ever be independent or have to live as such? If so you are doing him a favour showing him where money goes.

@BurntBroccoli
Plus it's teaching them a valuable lesson in personal finances
There are plenty of ways of teaching them valuable lessons in personal finances without taking money from them every week. Besides, If you are only starting to be concerned about teaching money lessons when they are earning, 'you' have left it a bit late. They should have a reasonable idea how to budget long before they get their first wage packet.

When eldest dd first started working we charged her 20% of take home pay. There was a bit of a grumble about this. So i wrote down all the main household expenses - not including car associated costs.
I then showed her what her share would be if split equally per person. It was a lot more than what she was actually paying. There was no more moaning.
When she got her own place she admitted she was glad we made her pay as it encouraged her to budget.
And just to add we did help set her up when she moved out.

So would your son understand the figures if you broke it down for him relevant to living in your home with the cost of the bills he benefits from day to day? Show him what a bargain he is actually getting.

I never took any money from my kids. They had too many outgoings as it was, on a low wage. I wanted them to be left with some money to have fun with!

As you havent read the responses it's an odd assumption that they are made posters not secure in their decisions. Do you think that you are always right and everyone who disagrees with you is somehow unsure of themselves?

These threads always go the same way

'Charging rent' implies a commercial transaction, which implies a profit.

Those of us who do 'charge rent' are not actually 'charging rent'
Our adult children are making a contribution to the costs of running the household. I am certainly not making a profit off my son.

There are always responses on these threads which go along the lines of - I wouldn't dream of charging my child to live in their own home - but they do a food shop, pay x bill, buy take aways etc.
So their children are in fact contributing to the household budget.
My son gives me a set amount a month and doesn't have to worry about food shopping and bills etc.
Call it rent if you like, it's all the same

How much in savings does he have did he get a lump sum with his child trust fund because any '10%' taking from him could surely be added to that if it's been transferred to a saving account. Please tell me he got a CTF?

I think it's important to teach our kids how to save and budget for their future rather than grab a few quid toward the leccy bill that you'll be paying anyway.

You might be able to afford it but a lot can't!
It's definitely not 'grabby'.
Plus it's teaching them a valuable lesson in personal finances.

I would never charge a dc to live in their family home. Particularly one with disabilities who can only work part time .

Any money that they can afford should be saved toward a rental deposit or a mortgage.

Not necessarily the case.

My parents didn’t charge me rent - they said it didn’t cost any more to have an extra person living there. I paid my own food / personal expenses and agreed that I’d save at least 50% of my salary towards moving out.

Didn’t mean I didn’t have an idea of budgeting for household costs. I’d already managed fine with that at university, though.

I think it depends on what your long term aim for him is. My son is unlikely to ever live independently, as he has asd and a learning age around half his actual age. My plan is to get him paying for the things he uses first, so his phone bill, then food as he has more understanding of things that are tangible to him. Then I'll look at electric/gas, rent, internet, when he has got the hang of those. Would that kind of approach help him at all?

I charged 10% as it was an easy figure to be fair. DD buys her own groceries and does her own laundry - as that is not included. I buy toothpaste and she buys all her own shampoos etc.

I can't imagine being a working adult and not paying towards the household costs just because I'm living with parents

I've not read any replies to my comment, I have no desire to, it will just be people defending their 'right' to charge their own children and ignoring how grabby it is.

Going by the amount of notifications I've gotten regarding people replying to and quoting me, I appear to have touched a nerve.

If there was no truth it what I was saying, you'd all be far more secure in your decisions to do so, so what's the problem? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Rhetorical question, again, I won't be reading responses or I'll get sucked in and i don't have any desire to be.

You do what you want, but it doesn't sit right with me, so I won't.

No you most definitely are not being unreasonable - should actually be a bit more TBH. All the more important in your son’s case as he’s having difficulty grasping concept of budgeting.

Mind you, he will have a better handle on things than the adult offspring of those who would never take dig money and consider it “grabby”. You are being a far more responsible parent than that cohort OP.

I think it is reasonable and that you need to get him to set up a standing order so there isn't the monthly argument.

Does he understand the explanation that the food he eats costs money, so if he isn't paying for it, his parents are?

Is there a future plan for him to be able to move somewhere like supported living? As you get older and retire, your income will reduce, so living off you forever isn't viable. I may well be in the same situation as you when my kids are older and am hoping to be able to move somewhere that can fit a garden room so they can have more independence while still being supported.

My BiL is 61 and still lives at home with his Mum. He pays her money towards his keep but because he still lives at home she has to pay full council tax so it costs her 25 percent council tax on top of food and utilities to have him still live there.

Ds2 paid me 20% of his earnings after he'd finished college.

They high partly because I was a solo parent and he was costing me extra in things like losing the council tax discount after he hit 18.

Ds1 returned briefly after uni, but he was actively looking for a flat so I didn't charge him rent

They both moved out last year and my costs plummeted. Amazing how much electricity was used in running high end gaming pcs 24/7.

I think you need to change the way you explain to him why and what he is paying for. When you give him the "real world" argument and he says it isn't relevant because he is living at home then that isn't sinking in. Instead I would say to him that when you are an adult and earning everyone has to pay something towards their living costs, whether at home or away. "You can't live for free son, not at your age" and end the conversation there.