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Original poster

10% of income is fair ‘rent’

169 replies

Itisneverfair · 15/07/2024 10:21

Ds (23) lives at home and works part time. He has adhd and slight learning disabilities.

We have been charging him 10% of what he earns as ‘rent’ to try and get him used to paying his way etc as he struggles with managing money. He’s saying it’s not fair he pays it but he is angry about it every month.

AIBU to think that it’s an ok amount ?

OP posts:
OnAndOnAndonAgain · 15/07/2024 19:50

Janiie · 15/07/2024 19:35

How much in savings have you got for him either in his Child Trust Fund or an alternative for him to add to for his future? His PIP is his and needs to be put into his account.

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Ctf was for children born from the end of 2002 so he probably wasn't eligible

timetobegin · 15/07/2024 19:49

whistleblower99 · 15/07/2024 19:48

This. You want him to budget but keep all his PIP and 10% of his income. Nah sorry.

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I think you misunderstood my post

Original poster
Itisneverfair · 15/07/2024 19:49

With the remainder of his wages which he can use as he please he will have 3-4 days of takeaways and sweets then it’s gone so he can’t have all the PIP or it will be misused !

OP posts:
Original poster
Itisneverfair · 15/07/2024 19:48

whistleblower99 · 15/07/2024 19:48

This. You want him to budget but keep all his PIP and 10% of his income. Nah sorry.

Show quote history

It’s all spent on him it’s not just taken

OP posts:
whistleblower99 · 15/07/2024 19:48

timetobegin · 15/07/2024 19:46

Appointees get the money paid into their account and use it for the benefit of the recipient. If your child can’t manage money how on earth do you think they could manage a bank account, paying bills, or saving for necessities?

This. You want him to budget but keep all his PIP and 10% of his income. Nah sorry.

Feelingleftoutagain · 15/07/2024 19:48

Mine both have ASD and both work full time and after discussing bills etc with them they agreed 25% of their wages. I prompt them 3 days before due date so they don't forget

timetobegin · 15/07/2024 19:47

The idea that a family providing a home and support for someone with this level of disability are “grabby” is staggeringly obtuse.

Original poster
Itisneverfair · 15/07/2024 19:46

It wasn’t the investment one either just a family one so may be different to what you mean ? It was just released to ds (my parents had set it up not us )

OP posts:
timetobegin · 15/07/2024 19:46

Appointees get the money paid into their account and use it for the benefit of the recipient. If your child can’t manage money how on earth do you think they could manage a bank account, paying bills, or saving for necessities?

Valeriekat · 15/07/2024 19:45

LadyGrinningSoul8517 · 15/07/2024 10:26

I'm always in the minority with this, but I just would never charge my kids rent.
It was my decision to have them, therefore I pick up the bill.

It just feels so incredibly grabby when I hear of parents charging their kids to live with them.

The "child" is an adult and should be paying his own way.

Original poster
Itisneverfair · 15/07/2024 19:44

Janiie · 15/07/2024 19:35

How much in savings have you got for him either in his Child Trust Fund or an alternative for him to add to for his future? His PIP is his and needs to be put into his account.

Show quote history

Nothing. His CTF was a tiny amount as we never added to it and he wasn’t getting dla as a child so didn’t get the higher rate and it was spent

OP posts:
x2boys · 15/07/2024 19:43

Janiie · 15/07/2024 19:38

We aren't privileged but as I keep on saying when dc are at college and aren't working we pay for phones social lives etc. Once they earn dc then pay for these things whicn can certainly add up.
You shouldn't then take more for household bills. They have a whole life ahead of them once they move out to pay rent.

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Well clearly you are privileged if you can't see that not all parents can afford to do what you are doing

x2boys · 15/07/2024 19:41

Janiie · 15/07/2024 19:35

How much in savings have you got for him either in his Child Trust Fund or an alternative for him to add to for his future? His PIP is his and needs to be put into his account.

Show quote history

First of all not all parents are able to have savings for their adult children
Secondly as the Op is her sons appointees, clearly there is a reason for that ,it doesn't have to go into his account it can go into the appointees account
When my son gets PIP in tow years time ( he currently gets the highest rates of DLA) I will be his appointees and I will spend how I see fit ,in my sons case it's because he doesn't even know what money is and has a very basic understanding of the world around him
Obviously it's different in the Op,s case but as an appointee ,she doing nothing wrong having it paid into her account

DumbassHamsterSitterPerson · 15/07/2024 19:39

Tumbleweed101 · 15/07/2024 19:09

I should add I wouldn't be able to run the household without her contribution. Once their TC/UC stopped they had to make up the difference, if nothing else. One low wages doesn't support a household. And yes, their dad has always been hopeless with money but I didn't realise how much til we split.

I'm in the same situation.
No I can't work more hours (I'm actually assessed as LCW)

When my son told me he wanted to leave college he'd already worked out how much he could pay from his UC, and it will go up when he gets a job.

timetobegin · 15/07/2024 19:38

If you are feeding him and paying bills and he has his own room £100 a week seems reasonable. Obviously not what he’d pay elsewhere but enough so it doesn’t cost you too much in heating food etc.

Janiie · 15/07/2024 19:38

x2boys · 15/07/2024 19:31

Why not?
Why can't working adults contribute tho the house hold?
Just because your privileged enough not to have worry about money doesn't mean all parents can support grown adults to live at home rent free .

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We aren't privileged but as I keep on saying when dc are at college and aren't working we pay for phones social lives etc. Once they earn dc then pay for these things whicn can certainly add up.
You shouldn't then take more for household bills. They have a whole life ahead of them once they move out to pay rent.

OnAndOnAndonAgain · 15/07/2024 19:35

Janiie · 15/07/2024 19:35

How much in savings have you got for him either in his Child Trust Fund or an alternative for him to add to for his future? His PIP is his and needs to be put into his account.

Show quote history

No it doesn't

Janiie · 15/07/2024 19:35

Itisneverfair · 15/07/2024 19:30

Yes the PIP goes into my account or he would spend it on absolute rubbish. We sit with him each month and explain how x amount is already used on certain activities he does, look at what appts he has and explain the taxi fare for those, show him what’s left and have a discussion about what to spend that on (it has to be something sensible he can’t just buy sweets for example which he would if allowed) he might choose swimming and we might have to replace something he’s broken .

The 10% from wages really is a small amount as he does 3 shifts per week so it’s not a lot, it’s more to physically get him handing over money to learn (and I end up using it to buy him stuff anyway !)

Show quote history

How much in savings have you got for him either in his Child Trust Fund or an alternative for him to add to for his future? His PIP is his and needs to be put into his account.

x2boys · 15/07/2024 19:31

Janiie · 15/07/2024 19:16

It isn't their fault your uc stops when they get to 18, can't you top it up with extra hours?

When dc have an income they pay for their own phones, pay for their social lives taxis etc and clothes. We then 'save' money there because surely before they earn we meet those costs. Once they earn they do, but not 'contribute' to mum and dad's takeaways and bills 🙄.

Show quote history

Why not?
Why can't working adults contribute tho the house hold?
Just because your privileged enough not to have worry about money doesn't mean all parents can support grown adults to live at home rent free .

sparkellie · 15/07/2024 19:30

whistleblower99 · 15/07/2024 19:16

Wait. You take his PIP (so he’s obviously disabled) and you are an appointee and 10% of his wages? Wow.

She doesn't take his pip, she is his appointee. That means she manages his money as he is unable to do so. Presumably part of the reason for getting him to pay a percentage of his earnings to household expenses is to begin to enable him to manage his own pip and finances in general. If he got his own pip he wouldn't understand the importance of budgeting and buying what he needed first, so could well end up spending all on a hobby and not buying food or paying bills. It's a process.

Original poster
Itisneverfair · 15/07/2024 19:30

whistleblower99 · 15/07/2024 19:16

Wait. You take his PIP (so he’s obviously disabled) and you are an appointee and 10% of his wages? Wow.

Yes the PIP goes into my account or he would spend it on absolute rubbish. We sit with him each month and explain how x amount is already used on certain activities he does, look at what appts he has and explain the taxi fare for those, show him what’s left and have a discussion about what to spend that on (it has to be something sensible he can’t just buy sweets for example which he would if allowed) he might choose swimming and we might have to replace something he’s broken .

The 10% from wages really is a small amount as he does 3 shifts per week so it’s not a lot, it’s more to physically get him handing over money to learn (and I end up using it to buy him stuff anyway !)

OP posts:
OnAndOnAndonAgain · 15/07/2024 19:29

One of mine earned more than me when he started work at 18 , he was happy to pay towards food and bills

S0livagant · 15/07/2024 19:26

Janiie · 15/07/2024 19:16

It isn't their fault your uc stops when they get to 18, can't you top it up with extra hours?

When dc have an income they pay for their own phones, pay for their social lives taxis etc and clothes. We then 'save' money there because surely before they earn we meet those costs. Once they earn they do, but not 'contribute' to mum and dad's takeaways and bills 🙄.

Show quote history

It could be a lot of extra hours, and losing 20% tax plus NI on every extra pound. If a parent is already working full time then it's fairer that other adults contribute. The young adult gets their own personal allowance so will keep most of their income.

Janiie · 15/07/2024 19:16

Tumbleweed101 · 15/07/2024 19:09

I should add I wouldn't be able to run the household without her contribution. Once their TC/UC stopped they had to make up the difference, if nothing else. One low wages doesn't support a household. And yes, their dad has always been hopeless with money but I didn't realise how much til we split.

It isn't their fault your uc stops when they get to 18, can't you top it up with extra hours?

When dc have an income they pay for their own phones, pay for their social lives taxis etc and clothes. We then 'save' money there because surely before they earn we meet those costs. Once they earn they do, but not 'contribute' to mum and dad's takeaways and bills 🙄.

whistleblower99 · 15/07/2024 19:16

Wait. You take his PIP (so he’s obviously disabled) and you are an appointee and 10% of his wages? Wow.