My wonderful Dh Cheated on me

No it’s not ‘wild’. If they break up, his family will know exactly why and he won’t have the chance to make up a lying cover story.

Stop bullying the OP. It’s very possible that he’s been cheating on her for years.

Fucking hell, big of an overreaction dragging his family into it like OP. If he had actually cheated would you have cut his knackers off?

It's inappropriate and you can leave him for any reason but reacting like that is weird.

He hasn't cheated.
He attempted to cheat.

I don't think exposing him in the family chat was the best move.

I suspect he knew she was well out his league and was highly unlikely to want to meet him. I think if she’d said yes, he’d have got nothing more than an ego boost from it and wouldn’t have done anything. So I wouldn’t personally count it as ‘cheating’. I’d be angry, but I don’t think I’d end a happy marriage over this one incident alone, if it was out of character and a one-off.

However, it’s your marriage and if you think this is something worth ending your relationship over, you’re absolutely entitled to do that. We’re all different and we all have different dealbreakers.

Where you are out of order, in my opinion, is when you shared this with his family. Don’t drag them into it. Have some dignity.

Meh. I think OP was within her rights to post to the family chat.

He didn't cheat and he must have known this woman wouldn't respond in a million years so it was probably just fantasy land rather than a real attempt but that doesn't mean it's ok by any means!

I think sharing it on the chat was a stroke of genius. He shouldn't do stuff that he isn't happy to stand by in public. Plus as his family have supported you and told him off it confirms to him that this is not okay. He was shamed and he should be ashamed.
That said, I wouldn't be leaving him if this is the extent of his cheating. I would expect him to now realise what he stands to lose and improve his behaviour.

To your own family not in hes family group chat that's wild lol

Cheating by definition involves interaction with another person so it doesn’t count as there was no response BUT still not acceptable for a married man.

Yes

I love how families are very close, and can be "all up in your business" to use a US phrase....

and aren't Italian families famous for that?

..... but somehow when it comes to something fundamental to family life (fidelity and loyalty) .... It's not their business, they shouldn't be told and it's between only you two.

(These are the people op is probably expected to host, cook for, spend extensive amounts of time with, take an interest in their lives, possibly support them in old age ....and who presumably have a lot to do with the children of this marriage).

That's just facilitating the cheater/potential cheater ..... Why should they have privacy and a cover-up of their lack of loyalty and attempts to be unfaithful? Why should the
op pretend to them nothing has happened when something fundamentally has.

What else has he done and got away with though?

I see the typical victim blaming on MN as usual. If you were upset that your dh was trying to hook up with another woman, I suspect you'd want to get it off your chest.

He tried to cheat and got turned down and that’s an incredibly hurtful thing that I couldn’t forgive. However, why on this gods earth you sent it to his family I have no idea, surely their reaction has nothing to do with how this impacts your relationship?

Exposing somebody In a group chat I'd argue Is worse.

Why would you go running straight to his family with screenshots?

Yes, he’s in the wrong, but doing that is immature and dramatic.

Why do you think this is the only time he’s done anything like this?

Well he's been a twat but I'm not sure if I'd call it cheating. Probably only because she didn't reply and he got nothing out of it.

Bit shitty for posting it on the group chat. If you don't want to be with him anymore then leave and explain if they ask but it has nothing to do with them. If you're going to stay with him then you're just involving them for the sake of it.

No he's not cheated he's not even had a conversation with her... however be on guard 💂‍♂️ going forward. I'm Italian yes flirting Is pretty accepted in this culture

I think it crosses the line but what’s the likelihood of a model responding to him over Instagram for a quick hook up unless it’s prostitution? It also seems incredibly unlikely that you’ve checked his messages twice in a decade and that is the one occasion this has happened. There is probably far more you are unaware of. Perhaps he enjoys the thrill of sexting strangers or maybe he is looking elsewhere for sex.

I’m not really sure what you hoped to gain by sharing with his family especially since they have clearly taken his side which is just going to reinforce his view that it was ok to do.

Regardless of what he says or others on this thread, he isn’t content with being faithful and is that something you can work on or get over? For some, this would be a deal breaker and if it is for you, then it’s quite ok to move on.

it’s not cheating as nothing happened but his intention was there. I think posting it on the family what’s app was out of order, and probably something you’ll regret when things are rosy again

Why not? Their response may go some way to show whether this is typical behaviour for him. Unfortunately, for some men it is.

100% this, OP is no angel here. Toxic on both sides

Yes I agree it's cheating.

I must say I don't know why you involved his family though. Surely the matter is between you and your DH? Is it normal for you to play out your relationship issues infront of relatives?

Personally I think I’d consider this to be on a similar level to drunkenly kissing someone. Yes a kiss is physical and this isn’t but clearly this was considered and he chose to pursue this woman with a clear head. That’s pretty shitty.
I don’t think sending it to his family was the best move but you were in emotional distress and I don’t think I can judge too harshly there.

@Almondmist how old are your children?