My wonderful Dh Cheated on me

I think it’s cheating. The intent was there. What if she responded and he had another moment of weakness?

A man is only as loyal as his options. Had she responded, he likely would have cheated.

The intent is enough.

It’s definitely crossed a line and would probably of been cheating if she entertained him! I wouldn’t say dump/divorce considering the situation but I’d definitely say he has lots of making up to do! One more strike and I’d be gone :)

Why the fuck have you titled your post 'wonderful DH cheated'. He hasn't. He's just chatted. And yes I get that what he's done is wrong, I think you are being very sledgehammer and nut with this. You need to find out why he was looking elsewhere even though he did nothing about it.

His intention and actions were to cheat.
Her not responding is neither here nor there.
He showed you where his head is at.
I would think this should be a huge wake up call that he is indeed a dishonest hypocrite.
His family naturally defended him.
Your decision to inform His family may not be to everyone's taste but you have put it our there so there is no need to waste energy in pretending it is business as usual.
You need to decide what you want now that you see your husband more clearly.
Good luck.

He said "he would never meet her" NO SHE would never meet him.

Life experience has taught me the ones who believe they have squeaky clean, “perfect” husbands, are always married to the worst cheaters. He was trying to meet a woman. She turned him down. What else don’t you know about? Don’t be naive.

It feels different to meeting someone in a club and chatting to them. There is an element of this that is opportunistic and just a bit of banter. Actually messaging someone to ask to meet feels different?

To be faithful means to be trustworthy and loyal. I wouldn’t define his behaviour as trustworthy.

No he hasn’t had sex with someone or started a relationship. But what would have happened if she had replied and agreed to meet up?

If you are loyal and faithful to your wife why the fuck would you message another women and ask to meet her?

I would be raging and I’m not sure I would trust him again. What a dick.

'I'm in shock as he's never done this before '
But if you only found out about it by accident, then how do you know?

Can’t understand why you sent the screen shot to his family? Why air your dirty laundry? Yes, I’d hit the roof but I always put in a united front. Don’t burden his parents with your marriage troubles.

He’s an asshole, but it’s not cheating. The girl never replied. It’s the modern day equivalent of a man walking up to a pretty girl in a club and asking to buy her a drink. The girl looks at the old married man as if he’s a a peice of shit on his shoe and walks away.

He didn't actually cheat but he made moves that way. That would be enough to end the trust for me.

I have no problem with things having been sent to family.

It’s cheating you said you have never checked over his Instagram before and when you do you find that he has offered himself on a plate whether someone takes him or not.
what is wrong with men ? My spouse used my tik tok whilst I was out he was looking over younger woman and I might add there was a missed call on my wattapp and he called it back they did not answer is this cheating ?

Italian men are so tiresome. You are quite right to tell his family...after ten years they are your family too. Until they aren't. And now they aren't. I'd blow him out.

OP I wonder what his reaction would have been if you had said "oh i didnt know you wanted an open marriage darling Why didnt you say?"

I’m very sorry about your H’s betrayal, @Almondmist.

After perving over her photos, he reached out to meet up. In my marriage this would be an act of infidelity and disloyalty. I could never look at him the same way, as my trust and respect would have plummeted.

This is about your feelings, values and boundaries — not his family’s. You shouldn’t be listening to them.

Though sadly for him, the other woman didn't want his dick to move in her direction.

I agree. Sharing to family members is not a very private and British thing to do and it does not surprise me that many posters are unimpressed but a traditional Italian (or Southern Europeans in general) family tends to be much more involved and they probably actually stabilise and support marriages by putting the pressure on when someone has crossed a line.

There are dark sides to this of course but it’s an interesting course of action that seems to have worked for the OP. We often tell posters to find their anger but then other people will accuse them of overreacting. Having Southern Europeans for friends, I have noticed they are much more natural with their emotions, unlike my repressed British family.

I don’t understand this definition of cheating. Surely the intention is key, as much as the action? I would absolutely consider this cheating, and am surprised at the number of posts minimising what this man did.

Women protecting men and them never being accountable is how they get away with this crap and come out of marriages smelling like roses.

"Dick move?"

No. I think it was entirely appropriate and if he didn't want screenshots taken, he shouldn't be messaging models asking them to meet up.

HIS was the only "dick move".

Though sadly for him, the other woman didn't want his dick to move in her direction.

Good on her for shaming him.

Vile man, unfaithful in thoughts and would be in action if the other woman had responded.

This.

Not cheating. He didn't cheat on you.

He just tried to.

I wouldn’t call messaging strange women a doing it on “a whim” though. If he had no intention of cheating, doing that wouldn’t have crossed his mind.

I thought so and said similar in another post.

Op would have been called all the names of the day (and people always imply a cheating woman is an unfit mother too) if she'd been the one caught messaging some fitness model or similar online.