My wonderful Dh Cheated on me

Doesn't matter if it was cheating or not, it's a shitty thing to do.

And I bet it wasn't the first time either.

Yes he was out of order for messaging another woman. Was it an escort or an actual model he asked to meet up with - if the later one then no chance and he probably knew this, so nothing would happen anyway maybe just an ego thing. However yes very wrong and he should not have been looking or messaged another woman.

But I feel you was very wrong too. I can't believe you sent this to his family... why would you do this. Nothing to do with his family, you must feel very insecure and hoped they would tell him off and have your back and make him see sense.

Coming from an Italian heritage myself, some Italian men are very loyal and some are cheating arseholes like any other. From your post, it sounds like you have a good one. Hopefully it was just a one off nothing was going to happen and he won't consider it in the future.

If you have a good relationship in all ways including physical then no need for them to look or feel they need to look any further.

I hope Mr Wannabe Or Possibly Already An Adulterer was humiliated. He deserves that and more.

I wouldn't of said one word to him or them I wouidnt of alerted him I'd be making myself dating profiles to weed him out and I'd of waited for the opportunity to get to the mothership ( hes phone ) he's out there somewhere hopefully getting blanked and damaging he's ago. But an opening message of I wanna meet you makes me think 🤔 is it an escort he messaged

I think you're probably right about there being more to discover.

Not the same obviously, but I was talking to a police officer once about men who commit (generally premeditated) sexual offences. He said that someone would have to be 'extremely unlucky' to get caught the first time. Because the first time, they are nervous, they cover their tracks, they make sure they're 'safe'. As time goes on, and they havent been caught, they become more confident and they slip up.

Men (people?) who cheat are similar in that respect. As time goes by, they forget to clear a history, delete a chat, check their pockets...

It's one of the reasons I'd never give a second chance to someone I discovered doing anything that stepped outside the boundaries of a relationship. Its unlikely to he the first time they've done it but this time they just got sloppy.

I'd say the OP has ended her marriage by involving the parents. But maybe that was subconsciously what she wanted to do. If everyone knows, there's no chance of sweeping it under the carpet and pretending it didn't happen.

I'm in shock as he's never done this before

I'm afraid that's not something I'd want to assume - after all what are the chances of you having caught him the very first time?

What to do about it is entirely your choice of course, but it might be wise to come to terms with exactly what you're likely to be dealing with here ...

He had a message ignored on Instagram I'd argue that all he did was embarrass himself ( in this incident ) I guarantee if she dug deeper hes most likely got he's end away that's what I'd of exposed...

As for people criticising the OP for sharing the screenshots.

When peopemare in shock or distressed, they sometimes do things that they wouldn't normally do or react in ways they wouldn't have expected. That's what shock does to you.

Not only that but whenever women post on here because their partner has cheated/tried to cheat/contacted prostitutes/whatever but are dealing with it alone, they are often told not to. To be open. To tell his family what he has done. Don't protect him!

So what I'm taking from this thread is that the correct course of action is just the opposite to whatever the OP did 👍🏻

100% with bells on top if somebody was actually cheated on go ahead message them... ya sons cheated with the child minder we are done and btw hate your steak pie Kathy! 🥧 just bringing them in as a weird lil jab nah lol.

He didn't cheat, but only because she didn't reply. If she had replied he'd have continued chatting her up. It's also very telling that the first thing he said was that he'd love to meet her. Not hi, or to tell her he thought she was good looking but that he'd love to meet! If she'd said yes OK let's meet, would he have gone is the question.

I wouldn't be happy about this either, people can call it a mistake but to me trying to open up communication with another woman that he clearly fancies doesn't put him in 'lovely husband' territory x

Its cheating because he stepped outside the agreed parameters of their relationship. To me, it would be irrelevant that she didn't respond. The intent was there on his part and, OP, you don't know whether he's ever done similar before or will again.

For me, the security and sanctity of the relationship would have been blown. The protective bubble that is around you both as committed monogamous partners would now be blown.

The problem with this sort of behaviour (whether successful or not) is that it shatters the boundary of the relationship and the trust. Next time he goes out alone, works late, pops out unexpectedly, is on his phone there will be doubt. Whereas, previously, there wouldn't have been. It's introduced a negative element to the relationship that wasn't there before.

Unlike yours, my post was not patronising. I merely asked why someone would share their marital difficulties in a family whatsapp group
Do you read every thread and then reprimand, sorry patronise, everyone who quotes the post they are responding to?

Your reaction is worse than the deed itself. What did you hope to gain by sending the screenshot to his family?

It sounds toxic between both of you:

you’ve checked his phone in the past and the first chance you got checked it again and found what you were looking for.

You went straight to airing it all with his family and I think unless you’re leaving him that’s a wrong move because they’ll probably never let you forget this either, they’ll never really believe he’s happy with you.

He’s clearly done this before, no one messages one random woman twice and it goes no further. You've just never found messages before.

You obviously knew something was wrong in the relationship or you wouldn’t have gone looking for evidence.

Either way neither of you sound particularly happy in this despite your title. Wonderful husbands don’t need surveillance and don’t message Instagram models.

Don't obsess over Definitions of cheating and don't involve his family any further.

Sit down and have a conversation with him. Why did he do it? What was he hoping would happen? Does he recognise what he did was wrong? Is he prepared to do some marriage counselling?

These are the conversations to have, assuming you love him and want to continue the marriage.

If you don't then tell him he's crossed a line that is that and make plans to divorce.

I agree the thread title was misleading it's the same vein as liking somebody's pictures 📸 he thinks she's fit? Cheater 😂

Polite notice but you could not quote the original post you really don't need to we all know what it says. You could have just written your patronising post without the need to quote.

It is cheating. He asked to meet another woman who just so happened to not reply. Don't talk utter rubbish.

As the old saying almost goes, if he wanted his wife to speak well of him, he should have behaved better.

So a man betrays his wife and tries his best to cheat, and yet she is the bad one for telling the truth to the family that raised him to think this is acceptable?

Good on you, OP.

Why wash your dirty linen in public? There was no need to share this with family, it's a private matter
Good grief, why does everyone have to share everyting with everybody these days?

This.

If you felt he had true intentions, leave, as he obviously want to look elsewhere. But from his point of view, if this was a curiosity, with no intentions, if I were the guy, I would end it with you for sending that to my family. That would have crossed my line. That's basically trying to smear his image with his family.

His intention was to meet another woman, even if she didn't reply

How can you trust he hasn't done this before?

He did nothing about it? You mean he wasn't able to do anything about it after he did the act of looking her up and messaging her, right? Because the woman didn't reply. I wonder if your response would be the same if the wife was out oggling and messaging strange men for a meet up. The OP decides what constitutes cheating in her relationship, not you.

”you need to find out why he was looking elsewhere”… fuck that! He was looking elsewhere because he feels entitled to. Him looking elsewhere has absolutely nothing to do with the OP.

A man can have the hottest wife who gives him sex and home cooked meals daily. That never stops him cheating. A man/woman cheating has zero reflection on their partner. They cheat because they’re arseholes. It is NOT up to the OP to find out why. Jeeeez.