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Original poster

Can't be bothered with sex

34 replies

Dimsexy · 14/07/2024 21:29

Just over a year after having a baby and my libido has vanished, particularly since returning to work. I can count on one hand times it's happened in last 6 months. I just don't feel like it, too tired and dh often is too tired too. We're both in survival mode trying to hold down full time jobs, a baby who often sick from nursery, household chores etc etc. Social life, sex, leisure activities seem to all be on back burner at mo

My and dh still have lots of affection and fancy eachother. But it's hard to feel like a sexual being after a day being mum or feeling burnt out after day at work. Sex feels like another chore to add to the to do list and I just don't have the energy.

Before baby I had very high sex drive and wanted it all the time. I really don't recognise myself at the moment.

Is this a normal part of getting used to parenting?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dimsexy · 14/07/2024 21:43

Eadfrith · 14/07/2024 21:41

There’s no one way to do new motherhood. I really wouldn’t worry that you don’t feel sexual right now, just look after yourself and take time for self care if you can. You do however need a supportive partner, who will give you time and space to find your new identity as a mum, and as a person outside of motherhood.

You could maybe explore intimacy in more relaxing ways? Massages, baths etc and see if that takes you further but without the pressure of it being a precursor to sex.

We do give each other massages, as back hurts so much from carrying baby around

OP posts:
Footbull · 14/07/2024 21:41

I hear you. I find watching something that has a few sex scenes helps a lot. Not porn, but a drama that's a big raunchy or reading books with a good sex scene. Gets you out of parent mode.

Are you breastfeeding? That killed it for me, especially as dh is a boob man and him being anywhere near them made me cringe.

Eadfrith · 14/07/2024 21:41

There’s no one way to do new motherhood. I really wouldn’t worry that you don’t feel sexual right now, just look after yourself and take time for self care if you can. You do however need a supportive partner, who will give you time and space to find your new identity as a mum, and as a person outside of motherhood.

You could maybe explore intimacy in more relaxing ways? Massages, baths etc and see if that takes you further but without the pressure of it being a precursor to sex.

Thisisntthowisawthisgoing · 14/07/2024 21:40

It might come back. Took us a while. A baby really shook up the household. My body felt like it didn't wholly belong to me; I was often touched out, overwhelmed, sleep deprived and a bit resentful of how little DH's life appeared to change. On his side he was also tired! And very aware that I was struggling and that affected his testosterone in addition to the fact it can take a dip when theres a new baby. So neither of us was in the mood for a good while.

It came back gradually I'd say after DS was about 15 or 16 months old. Then I was pregnant with DD by the time DS was 18 months old 😂 They're 5 & 3 now and can safely say the libido is back. Maybe not quite as high as it was before, but that's not the worst thing as I was often more up for it than DH. We did have to work at it for a bit once everyone was reliably sleeping through the night and there really was no longer any excuse to be avoiding it. I think we're more equally matched now.

Munter · 14/07/2024 21:39

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Original poster
Dimsexy · 14/07/2024 21:38

Dh is understanding and in similar place tbh, we're both exhausted right now. Just had a period of various illnesses with baby and it's relentless

I just want to feel a bit like my old self for a night instead of a tired mum

OP posts:
Mushroo · 14/07/2024 21:36

I could have written this. LO is 6 months and we’ve only done it once.

I just have zero desire to and once baby is in bed, it’s another chore (especially when I’m up in the night and still breastfeeding).

I feel awful because I know it’s important, but it just feels like trying to eat when you’re not hungry when you have no sex drive.

So no advice but solidarity.

Tbskejue · 14/07/2024 21:34

How does your DH feel about it? I also would encourage you to try to get what makes you feel like you back which in turn might make your libido reappear, as from friends and reading on here it can be hard to get back once gone completely

Munter · 14/07/2024 21:30

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