Can't be bothered with sex

yeah that is a massively incorrect generalisation @Munter !

What is fairy smut?

I'm horny all the time... not going...

I'm the opposite. I'm going all the time, breastfeeding a 20 month old, touched out and exhausted!

But DH sex drive has gone right down. We still hug and kiss and flirt and hug etc. It just usually doesn't go anywhere.

I'm currently reading fairy smut to DH while he does a bit of ironing.

Quick - call the police!

And what's wrong with that?

It’s normal and understandable. I would instigate a bit more touch and kisses. No expectations of sex. Don’t lose intimacy completely.Sometime you don’t feel like it but if you make the time and effort it can be great. The less you do it the less you want and vice versa.

If you both don’t want to do it right now then don’t. At least you’re in the same place. You’ve reproduced, sex is less important now naturally.

Teens/young adults here also - and menopausal and a full time job/sole parent etc - I have a partner but we don't live together and frankly sex is the first thing to suffer. But as pp have said, if you still fancy each other, then finding a way to make the time (even if only once a month) is key to maintaining a connection but also being able to hug/snuggle/kiss without expectation of it going further can take the pressure off which can generally have a better long term outcome. Take time to just talk and lay out your feelings. It's a tough gig but communication is key

Men definitely can and do lose libido.

It is one of the only things I like about being single. I don't have a very high sex drive and the pressure of having to be sexual regularly is too much for me. I used to have a higher sex drive but I'd rather just cuddle and chat.

How the fuck is that helpful?

If it works for you, then I wouldn’t worry about it. Nothing is normal or not normal and people shouldn’t be shamed either way. I was the opposite and felt shameful for wanting it after 4wks, but luckily we were both on the same page so it worked for us.

Yeah, it's normal - my kids are young, I'm always tired and I rarely feel like it. However what I will say is that even if I'm not in the mood or can't be arsed, I don't turn down DH because it takes him starting things off to GET me in the mood. Then I do enjoy. So maybe give it a chance every now and again to keep your relationship intimate.
But tbh if it's not an issue for either of you then don't feel any pressure. How does DH feel?
I also find daytime sex is way more likely as we're always both knackered in the evening so chances then are zero.
The only time we used to have sex when we had one kid was at weekends (occasional ones) during their afternoon nap 😂

Great words , on both messages!

Teenagers here and my advice to have keep having sex, even if it is a bit of an effort and not as good as you were used to. In time your sex life will come back and it’s much easier if you are in the habit. Make sure you both come, watch something sexy together. Read Nancy Friday !

Honestly be kind to yourselves and give it time. Nothing less sexy than feeling pressured!! As long as you're still feeling connected to one another and communicating then if you're both feeling less amorous than usual then maybe it's a sign. After an illness if you're not hungry you don't force yourself to eat, you listen to your body. There will be a time once baby is sleeping more, maybe you're feeding less, you've found a rhythm with the work juggle, you've got some room to breathe etc...if then it's still not happening regularly then maybe you'll find the energy to think about/ try things to stimulate the mood etc. But at this stage where baby is still so small, you've just gone back to work etc...it's okay to not be doing this right now.

But... It is frustrating, and you're allowed to miss your old self/selves... You're only human and it was fun being an autonomous adult. 😁

Patience.
It took you 9 months to go from non parent to parent... It's only been six since then, why should the 'bounce back' be quicker... You've got more going on now. 😁

Don't let it drag on like this, as it WILL be the death knell to your relationship.
It's all too easy to take things for granted when you have children.
But take it from one who knows ...

Glad I'm not alone my child is now nearly 3 and this seems to becoming the norm. Just ensure you keep communicating with your partner about what you want/they want. As long as those lines of communication remain open the sex can wait until your both more physically up for it.

Oh gosh can relate. Maybe make them a bit more sensual? Maybe you exchange one type of massage for another…

Yes, normal.
If non sexual affection gets forgotten that's worse... But if you keep that, you can progress back to where you were.
It happened with both mine (now 14&12) but we're back in business and got back there (some time ago 🤣) by keeping talking and making sure we showed our care for each other.
Won't lie, at one point I couldn't imagine getting sexy ever again, it felt weird even just to flirt...
But wee made time to recapture things and it came back.
So long as you fancied each other before and no one starts behaving like a dickhead.

😂😂😂 this cracked me up. It's like parenting summarised. Ohh there are massages, however they are purely related to parenting shiz and not at all sexy!