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Original poster

I have no friends and I'm lonely

65 replies

Tooshyshy123 · 14/07/2024 20:04

Hi I'm in my 50s and up until about 5 years ago, I had a massive friendship group and I was always at the centre of our socials..going to gigs, festivals, nights out, meals etc.
Then this new girl joined our group and we became really good friends. After about a year she falsely accused me of having an affair with her husband and everyone took her side. Everyone fell out with me and I suddenly didn't have a single friend. Later she admitted she lied but my ex friends remained her friends and all I saw on social media were the numerous parties etc they were all having. Even when I bumped into any of these friends they admitted they were wrong to support her but I was never invited back into the fold. I am now in a lovely relationship and we go out regularly together but I still have not managed to make any friends and I'm lonely. My ex friends still speak to me when they see me but that's about it. I was absolutely devastated when it happened and I still think I must have been a truly awful person for them to react to the situation the way they did. Not quite sure what responses i want but I have just seen all of my ex friends including my accuser at a local festival together looking like they are having a wonderful time and I'm at home with not a single person to contact as I've struggled to make friends since it happened all those years ago.

OP posts:
spiderlight · 14/07/2024 20:31

That sounds like such a horrible experience - some people never quite leave the schoolyard mentality behind, do they? So sorry they put you through it. Sounds as if the new person was jealous of your popularity and saw you as a threat. You're obviously a fun person to be around, so take a deep breath and put yourself out there to spread that sunshine and make new friends. A choir, a running club, cold-water swimming - these are all activities where people I know have made fantastic new friendship groups.

Stoptherideiwanttogetoff24 · 14/07/2024 20:28

Tooshyshy123 · 14/07/2024 20:25

Thank you all for your kind replies. I am still working and I tend to keep myself to myself now. I do get angry sometimes that even though people knew she lied, they forgave her but not me, who didn't do anything. I can't fathom it and really don't understand why it happened

Guilt can make people avoid you there’s nothing that people hate more than feeling bad. Knowing how badly they treated you will make them feel guilty and avoid you as they can’t face admitting they did something wrong

they have no spine or character

TheSerenePinkOrca · 14/07/2024 20:26

Well short of getting a voodoo doll and stabbing pins into it, you have to believe in karma and one day she'll get what she deserves.

Perhaps the friends are too embarrassed that they sided with the liar so feel too awkward to make amends?

Have you actually ever asked one of them why they sided with this other woman and why when she admitted to lying they chose her over you?

I'd maybe use this chance to go out and make some new friends. Join a rock choir or something!

Original poster
Tooshyshy123 · 14/07/2024 20:25

Thank you all for your kind replies. I am still working and I tend to keep myself to myself now. I do get angry sometimes that even though people knew she lied, they forgave her but not me, who didn't do anything. I can't fathom it and really don't understand why it happened

OP posts:
Stoptherideiwanttogetoff24 · 14/07/2024 20:24

Tooshyshy123 · 14/07/2024 20:23

I had to stay off work a while on the sick. I could barely leave the house for weeks in case I bumped into any of them. I was mortified that I meant so little to these people who I thought would take a bullet for me

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I really hate people sometimes :(

Original poster
Tooshyshy123 · 14/07/2024 20:23

DrSalome · 14/07/2024 20:18

That's awful 😥 Really traumatic.

I had to stay off work a while on the sick. I could barely leave the house for weeks in case I bumped into any of them. I was mortified that I meant so little to these people who I thought would take a bullet for me

OP posts:
Thatcat · 14/07/2024 20:22

Tooshyshy123 · 14/07/2024 20:17

I can't think of anything else. I did wonder if the girl who accused me was jealous that I had so many friends and she didn't...well they're her friends now, not mine so she got them in the end

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Good luck to her. She’ll accuse one of them of something else soon and it will all fall in on itself. Sorry OP, they sound like a bunch of awful people.

Stoptherideiwanttogetoff24 · 14/07/2024 20:21

Genuinely think all the lonely people on mumsnet should meet up everyone sounds really lovely who say they don’t have friends much nicer than the ones who have abandoned them

Arielsmummy · 14/07/2024 20:21

Can you join some groups maybe, book club, gym? A class?
Something that gets you out and in places to meet new people.
Do you still work?
Walking club

I think it's horrible what happened to you but agree with other posters, they clearly weren't really your friends....so try tactics to make new friends. Good luck

NessasBoots · 14/07/2024 20:21

They're not worth having as friends, op.
They must have felt bad when they realised they'd picked the wrong version of events, but weren't good or classy enough to apologise and make amends correctly.
You need to move on and up.

DrSalome · 14/07/2024 20:18

That's awful 😥 Really traumatic.

Original poster
Tooshyshy123 · 14/07/2024 20:17

Thatcat · 14/07/2024 20:14

They sound like a bunch of hairy mean girls. It seems so odd that they would take her side and ostracise you, even by after she admitted she was lying. Is there anything else that went on?

They weren’t really friends were they, OP? Even if they invite you back to the fold, you’ll know they’re not friends.

You’re just going to have to put yourself out there and make new friends. Join a class, a club, a hobby group… there’s lots of people out there looking for connection.

Edited

I can't think of anything else. I did wonder if the girl who accused me was jealous that I had so many friends and she didn't...well they're her friends now, not mine so she got them in the end

OP posts:
Original poster
Tooshyshy123 · 14/07/2024 20:14

FuckingFreezing · 14/07/2024 20:12

Fuck the lot of them OP you are better off without disloyal people x

Thank you, I do try to tell myself that x

OP posts:
Thatcat · 14/07/2024 20:14

They sound like a bunch of hairy mean girls. It seems so odd that they would take her side and ostracise you, even by after she admitted she was lying. Is there anything else that went on?

They weren’t really friends were they, OP? Even if they invite you back to the fold, you’ll know they’re not friends.

You’re just going to have to put yourself out there and make new friends. Join a class, a club, a hobby group… there’s lots of people out there looking for connection.

FuckingFreezing · 14/07/2024 20:12

Fuck the lot of them OP you are better off without disloyal people x