I have no friends and I'm lonely

I hope you make other friends. I know it's harder at our age. I've been through something similar recently. I don't regret cutting ties but I still feel the space it left.

@Tooshyshy123 real friends can't be stolen. You're right.

Start small. Join online groups for the things that interest you like festivals. Chat to others and build online friendships up. Then, you can start meeting folk in person and gradually build those offline relationships into deeper friendships.

Online is a safe way to connect. Some of my best mates were found on message boards or smutty fan fiction sites!

You can dip your toe in the water until you learn to trust again.

I think much beyond the teenage years some "group friendships" are quite performative and keeping the "integrity" of the group becomes more important than individual relationships, thus people are dispensable. You did nothing wrong but for whatever reason, it was easier to brush off what the liar had done and carry on with the fiction of closeness and fabulous times than stand up for you. All very fake and likely to totally implode one day.

I can only imagine how hurt you are but don't let caution stand in the way of making new and better friendships, perhaps 1:1. It isn't easy, but if you find activities that really interest you, there is more chance of meeting sympatico people on your wavelength. Try to forget the people who let you down, because they don't deserve headspace.

My god, I am so sorry for the awful experiences that so many of you have had. What is wrong with people? I hope that everyone who has suffered at the spiteful tongues and actions of others are in a good place and wish you all good things.

OP, the correct answer to someone claiming a claiming a close friend is sleeping with their husband is "are you sure? That doesn't sound like something she would do". You really are better off without them all. All the very best to you.

I’m really sorry this happened to you @Tooshyshy123. I don’t understand what would drive someone to behave in that way. They must have something seriously wrong with them to do that.

A new girl joined our school when I was 10 and we became good friends, often at each others houses, had sleepovers etc. Then she started to spread rumours about me to everyone in our year group. I lost all my friends, and they started to bully me. She was the worst. She would come up behind me and kick me or pull my hair, then run off to tell the teacher in a sweet little voice that I was bullying her so I’d be the one to get into trouble. I ended up having a breakdown and tried to kill myself. It triggered a terrible domino effect on my life as I never managed to go back to school, so I lost all of my secondary education. It crippled my self esteem and made me wary of everybody. The whole thing really fucked up my life and I wouldn’t hesitate to punch her in the face if I ever saw her again. I have no idea where she is now but I hope it’s somewhere shit.

People can be so disappointing.

Thank you 😊 you too ❤️

I've got a lovely bunch of mates now thankfully! Im

You'll find you're friends OP, it's just shitty until you find them ❤️

Sorry OP, that sounds awful. I would surmise that for some reason the group didn't mind your absence - maybe you were a very strong character and your space let others come out more? People are in general fairly self centred at heart, if they were genuinely your friends they wouldn't have dumped you in the first place let alone leaving you out even after it proved not to be true.

That or she has been insidiously blackening your name in other ways, some people really seem to enjoy manipulation and power.

That must have been so painful to go through, and shocking to discover the false nature of people you trusted. You absolutely need to start volunteering/joining clubs/reaching out in ways where you will organically meet new people.

I have to say I absolutely would not be being nice with the old friends though, I would have told them exactly how much it hurt what they did, and giving them nothing but a nod in passing in future.

Thank you for sharing. It’s so horrible and the impact on your sense of self at such a formative stage is huge. I hope you get some closure.

Op - I am sure you will find some great friends soon.

^ This. You are better than them. They are no-one's friends. Mean and shallow little bunch.

Gosh OP that's awful. Sorry you have been through this. And as for your so called 'friends' , they are not worth it. Do you have any interests/ hobbies?. Maybe we could come up with some suggestions for you x

That’s awful. I’m sorry 😞. I do think they aren’t worthy of your friendship if they believed her and left you out in the cold. You deserve better. Have you told any of them how hurt you are? I agree with pp that people avoid you when they feel guilty although would you even want to be friends with them anymore. The fact they still spend time with her speaks volumes about their own character.

I know it’s a bit cliche but are there any groups you can join? Or volunteer? It’s hard making friends. I joined an outdoor fitness class recently and met a lovely bunch of people. Meets a few times a week so get exercise and time to chat to people. They organise nights out every so often.

what you went through was really upsetting. Also maybe worthwhile having some counselling (if you felt like you would benefit from it).

Lots of love to you xxx

Same. Some people can be cruel. Sorry you went through that OP.

This woman has no real friends and your old friends aren’t friends either. Yes, they hang out and ‘look’ like they are having a great time but that’s it. That’s not friendship.
Shame on her for lying about you - how insecure she must be to discredit you.
But far more shame on your previous friends for believing her, and then sticking with her when they knew she had lied.
Women within this group can now turn on each other in a moment - it’s all built on quicksand. One of them only has to make a ‘wrong’ move and she will be iced out.
You have been through all of this and value true friendship. It is never too late to make new friends either. One is great, and a handful more than enough.
Fairweather friends are there for good times but when it comes to major life events like illness or bereavement they are nowhere to be seen.
As for this group, well, I’m sure there will be a fresh target practice soon - and luckily you are now well out of range!
And if they are looking for a group event maybe they should go and see the new Mean Girls musical - they’d fit right in….

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Very similar happened to me in early secondary school too.

A girl I was good friends with made up a rumour I had been fingered by her boyfriend (we were 12!!!) And I lost pretty much everyone/ the year decided I was the school bike so had lots of comments. I'd never even kissed a boy by this stage, let alone anything else!

Eventually it all came out the girl had lied so technically I "won" but I was never the same. I put on a brave face and pretended to be friends with some of them again as I was so lonely but inside I was dying. I have some trust issues surrounding friendships because of it.

The girl messaged me recently to "catchup" and it brought all the feelings back.

It's just horrible ❤️

That is so horrible. I am really sorry. It is so traumatic.

When I was 13 my best friends not only dropped me but turned lots of the school year against me, making up false stories ans unleashing some really awful sexual bullying from a group of boys. I spent the remainder of my school career really isolated. I still had a small group of other friends (thankfully!) but I ended missing on so much of the typical teen girl stuff, no prom, no boyfriends or anything else.

I rebuilt my confidence and made great friends at university but my experience has stayed with me years later. One of my former friends keeps making overtures over social media. It is clear they have no memory of the trauma they caused.

To sum up, whatever age this happens it’s equally awful.

My only thought is that people in the wider group (not the horrid lady) don’t realise how this has hurt you or are in denial or feel it’s too awkward to reach out.

So, only if you feel up to it, perhaps it’s worth reaching out one time to make the first move and see what happens. If they don’t reciprocate call it a day and get closure. You’re too good for them.

But it sounds like a traumatic experience, OP.

Yes. ‘Really good friends’ aren’t going to arbitrarily believe you’re shagging the DH of a comparatively new group member, on no evidence. I don’t think that a ‘massive friendship group’ that socialised and messaged a lot necessarily equates to actual friends, just people who socialise in the same gang.

If they believed her so readily even though knowing you first, then they were not your friends op and she did you a favour. Block the lot of them. Sometimes in life we can't move on because we are stuck in the past. Cut these so called friends out and make space for new ones.

That must have been so traumatic for you @Tooshyshy123 I'm so sorry you had to go through such a horrible experience.

You certainly found out the hard way that none of those women were your friend. I sincerely hope that you don't sell yourself short by trying to 'get back in' with such a nasty crowd. They should have apologised when they found out that the other woman lied. It says a lot about them that they didn't apologise. 😡

I hope you find new friends, ones who value you and your friendship.

Did she do 9t out of spite or did she genuinely think you were?

Where are you based OP?

God what an absolute bitch.

I'm so sorry that's such an awful thing to happen. I'm not suprised you are traumatised.

It's so hard to make friends as adults, especially after such a nasty thing happened to you.

Sending you lots of love ❤️

It sounds like one bad egg ruined the group dynamic, but then I also question how they could be your good friends and abandon you like that. They obviously weren’t meant to be long term friends in the first place. If I knew how to make friends as an adult I’d suggest a few things but I’m pretty much without any close friends too. If you’re feeling lonely it might be worth exploring some hobbies and finding some group activities out there, like gardening or walking to meet some other people and potentially make friends, but if you were used to going to festivals etc then maybe that’s not your scene.