To think if I had this diagnosis people wouldn’t be as supportive as they are with her?

But you actually have no idea what she's gone through, you're just assuming?! From the outside people could think I've got a lot going for me and it all came easily.....it didn't and it doesn't but I dont advertise my private life and vulnerabilities to the world

Hey OP, just wanted to send you some love and support. People are going to attack you on here, but it’s actually not that bizarre to feel this way. Lots of people feel jealousy over a range of things and she is getting love and attention you don’t feel you would - this isn’t about the illness.

I think you need some therapy. You know something is up but you don’t know how to help yourself. You recognise that being jealous over a women who may potentially die is ludicrous, but then so is all the other jealousy you have felt.

You need to talk to a professional about getting things sorted out in your head. What you’re feeling isn’t about her, it’s about you and you need someone to help you work through all these feelings - you’re wasting your life feeling this way.

In the mean time, go ahead and be one of those people that is rallying around. Because right now she will be incredibly jealous of you and the fortune that you have not to be facing death.

You’ve had the realisation that you might not have a support network if you were in her position. My question I pose to you, is what are you going to do about it? You can’t wave a magic wand and make life perfect but you can take steps towards building up your self esteem and a support network.

There is absolutely nothing as beyond price or as precious in life as health. You have the most important thing .

You are being honest with your feelings which takes strength. But there are always going to be people in our lives who have more advantages than us, either by luck, genetics or through their efforts. But this shows us how fragile and random life can be . And that one day you feel you have very little, when actually you have the most enviable thing of all. Comparison really is the thief of joy. Life is unfair, often utterly shitty and bad things happen to good people. Try as hard as you can to look at what you do have, the people in your life who are there for you and to look at where these feelings are coming from.

I would strongly advise you to come off this thread, there’s just people being absolutely horrible to you and it’s only going to do more damage. It’s not a safe, fair place to talk about such delicate feelings. That could be your first act of self care

Can you get yourself some therapy? You need somebody you can rely on to be kind and sensitive, so you can unpick your difficult life experiences. This forum is full of arseholes, it’s only going to make you feel worse and further exacerbate the problem.

You’re not alone, none of this is terribly unusual actually , you’re just in a tricky spot and it would be a lot easier to get out of it if you had a kind therapist to guide you

I think from reading this - what you are saying is - should something horrible have happened to you, you don’t have the support network that she does ?

And that you would be largely on your own and or would struggle more because of this ?

Are you essentially frightened about your future should anything bad happen ?

This has to be a wind up! How dare you. I'm sure she would swap your life in a heartbeat to be free off this illness. Go and get some therapy ffs

I understand what you’re saying but as they say comparison is the thief of joy. I think concentrating on things you are grateful for such as being healthy, your children etc rather than the past or what you don’t have might make you feel better.

lots of other posters have been quite harsh but I think what your saying is quite hard to put into words. I don’t think you are a bad person at all.

It’s definitely not normal to feel that amount of jealousy. If I were you I’d seek some therapy for low self-esteem, or otherwise move on with your own life.

I will say that other peoples lives might look better than yours from the outside, but you don’t know what struggles they might be going through. I’m pretty sure a former colleague of my own was jealous of me, and often gave me the cold shoulder. I think she was jealous of my marriage and having had children while she remains single and lives with her mum. But you know what, she had things I didn’t have. She went on to have a good career, and had some financial independence. I wish I could just tell her that my life is far from perfect. IDK it just sounds like you need some serious perspective and to be grateful for what you’ve got and work on your mental health.

All the “ you’re awful and disgusting” replies are not helpful at all.
what is screaming out at me is very low self esteem. You are comparing yourself to this woman in every aspect of your life. Perhaps there is some jealousy there but I feel it is that your negative view of yourself and your life is impacting your view of her life. Rose tinted glasses effect and grass is always greener.. except it really isn’t. I agree with other posters about seeking some help to maybe discuss these feelings with a professional and help you work on a healthier view of your own life.

But she is now going through something that you have never been through and it sounds much worse. Good health is one of the biggest blessings and I bet she would be envious of yours right now. Start counting yours.

You need to give yourself a serious talking to. To be jealous of someone with a life limiting diagnosis. It's actually offensive. Get a grip.

This is horrible.

You've assumed all kinds about this woman and her "easy" life.

I don't even know what to say to be honest.

Your poor life choices are no fault of hers and I'm sure she would give anything and everything to have her health back, because that's what matters, not material goods
You need to take a long hard look at yourself

This isn't really about the woman OP - why don't you feel you have a support network? Have you been through trauma and been unsupported? You mention childhood issues - what are these? I had severe childhood trauma and growing up I used to wish I had something tragic happen to me so that people could 'see' and comfort me through the pain I felt every day.

Step away from shame over thoughts about this woman, and try to think about why you feel you have no support compared to her.

Some people are lucky. Until their luck runs out.
Give your head a wobble

You need to get a grip and stop with the ugly pity party. Jesus you're jealous of a woman who has a serious illness, take a look at yourself

@AloofAlot I think what you’re trying to say badly is from your perspective this girl was always pretty and popular. And that because of this even when she’s very ill she will have lots of support, as she should, but it will be based on not only empathy but also popularity. And that you wouldn’t feel as supported if in her situation.

I have never been a popular person but have been very fortunate with a good dh, dc and a few lovely friends.
Last year I was diagnosed with an incurable disease which atm hardly affects me but has the potential to severely change my life and hasten my death. I just don’t know when or if this will happen.
My family and friends have been amazing and people I’m not close to have really been supportive.

So if it helps I think you underestimate the people around you.
If you are kind, gracious and caring people will notice and love you for it.

Being jealous is ok as long as you recognise it’s your feeling to deal with and don’t show jealousy towards others.

I actually feel really, really sorry for you because what you’re expressing is not normal to feel at all.

Are you autistic? I’m not saying all autistic people would you react like this I’m just trying to rationalise how anyone could be envious of a sick human?

What is it you want from this post?

In the kindest possible way, you need therapy.

There are some people who are more lucky in life, many who aren’t (think of the poor folks in Gaza right now, or Ukraine). The fact you’re focussing on one person in millions who is more lucky suggests this is just a projection of where you see some shortfalls in your own life.

I’d suggest any problems you have you need to look closer to home. They are no more to do with this lady than they are any of the Kardashians or other people blessed with unearned looks and privelige. Your problems are your own. You seem really keen to blame others for your issues… people ‘leaving’, you had to ‘work hard’ to lose weight (did someone force feed you before that? Did someone surgically graft fat onto your body against your will?) you don’t have such loyal friends… why? You really think it’s because you’re not as pretty? You’re not 12 I assume?

Truly I think a path to peace and mental wellbeing for you would start with not projecting onto other people, blaming others for things not going as you’d have wanted, accepting that some things in life are bad luck and others are your own choices. You might feel more empowered.

OP you sound very unhappy with yourself. I hope you can access some therapy. When you do, this response you are having to news about this unwell woman would be a good starting point. I wonder if your focus on her is some kind of subconscious way of putting off looking at you. It's certainly preventing you from seeing things clearly, to the point that you have an entirely unrealistic view of both her and your respective situations. There will be a reason why you need to create and obsess over this false narrative - that's the key here. She is just someone you've picked to hang all this on.

I agree with people who have suggested therapy. I'd also suggest seeing your GP to check for depression. I really hope that you can find ways to help yourself feel better OP!

Personally I think you are very brave sharing your feelings and it sounds like you are well aware of how bad it makes you sound - I’m not here to twist the knife in someone who is already down. But like a few have pointed out, you are incredibly blessed to have good health and she would give away everything to have that right now I am sure. If I were you I’d distance myself from this person for my own mental health and focus entirely on seeking help with my thoughts. To me they’re a sign of something deeper, a depression of sorts. Try to find something you enjoy doing where you can also socialise with others, fill your time so you don’t get stuck in a rot of negativity. Once you’ve found some things that make you happy you may find you think less of this person and what they’ve had/have. Things don’t just come naturally to people although sometimes it comes across that way. I’d come off social media as well - people always share the good times there and it makes their lives seem a lot more interesting/better than our own. Any time you notice yourself going into a negative headspace, remove yourself from what triggered it and find something productive to do that pleases you.

For what it’s worth we all feel jealous of something or other at times, it’s how we respond to those feelings that matter - do we dwell or make ourselves snap out of it. When life gets dark, fight to find the light, don’t bury yourself in more mud.

Op you can't do that by yourself, please seek therapy. It will be the best thing you will ever do for yourself.