To think if I had this diagnosis people wouldn’t be as supportive as they are with her?

You need to remember that you don't really know what happened in her life.

Everyone has stuff going on.

OP I do get it and those who aren’t being rude to you have offered some good advice. It’s hard when someone seemingly has an easy life and you’re constantly struggling and social media just makes the fantasy of a wonderful life so much more real (when we all now it isn’t.

You’re the lucky one right now OP. She has a serious illness and you don’t. So from here you can count your blessings. Your envy isn’t about the illness but your assumption that you’d not have the support she is getting is also about a fantasy scenario that may never actually arise. Also worth remembering there’s a huge difference between the virtue signalling re: offering support on social media when someone declares they have X illness and what actually comes to fruition in real life. You’d be surprised at how quickly people get bored when you don’t recover in a month or two or that they may have to follow through on their offer.

Comparison is the thief of joy and it’s true. You really don’t want what’s actually going on in her life right now. Know she has her ghosts and her demons and her fears. Popularity doesn’t save your life and it doesn’t make your death easier either.

Give yourself a break and mute her on socials. You ought to be concentrating on what you have and what you want in the future not what you don’t have from the past.

Well, her life is likely very trying now. Please get some help. You have some serious work to do on yourself. Look into what Donotneedit suggests.

Thank you for posting that. That's a really powerful image and I will find that helpful too.

We've all had jealous thoughts about people. Yeah, it's not a great way to feel and you do need to be careful that it doesn't take over the way you feel about them, yourself, or yourself versus them. But I guess OP is also shook by the realisation that she might not have the same support around her if it was her with this diagnosis. Nowhere does OP imply that she's jealous of the diagnosis!

I think all the people saying, "take a good hard look at yourself, how can you be so nasty?" are being a little bit nasty themselves.

I had a spinal injury during birth in the winter which has caused potentially lifelong disabling effects. My friends and family have been amazingly supportive. If I learned that someone was jealous of the support I've had, I wouldn't feel angry - I'd just be upset for them.

You need therapy
It isn’t normal to feel this way
You have a family now.. be grateful.

But she’s got a serious illness so whilst she’s been luckier in some ways she’s definitely been unluckier in others. Whilst your jealousy before was in a way understandable (I’m sure most of us have felt envious of others at some point!) getting diagnosed with a serious illness surely makes you realise that health is truly the most important thing?

You need to stop wallowing. There's a reason there's a famous saying "comparison is the thief of joy." Focus on you and improving your life.

You’re so jealous and bitter. You do t sound very nice and be. Her illness aside your comment “she never had to try in life” is also awful. How do you even know that??? You don’t know her struggles.

You've become obsessed with this woman over the years. She's less a person and more your vision of what might have been. For this reason, even in her illness you can't see her as an individual worthy of empathy, all you can see is what you think it would be like if this had happened to you. For this reason, I don't think you are an appalling person, rather a person who hasn't found a healthy way to process your own struggles and disappointments, and this has led you to dehumanise this woman as the symbol of what you never had. The best advice I can give you is to see these inappropriate thoughts as a sign you need to do some work to accept your life and manage the feelings caused by your past. A councellor may be helpful.

I once read a description of envy that rid me of it forever, in my own words: it’s like your very own child is standing right in front of you and reaching out for you but you are completely ignoring her whilst looking wistfully at other, seemingly more beautiful, smarter, more talented children around you. That’s how you are treating yourself when you allow envy to grow.

And people on here could be a little bit more compassionate.

This I think is the kindest and truest post on this thread.@AloofAlot I had a neglected childhood and often felt envious of others’ golden lives.
I’m 56 now, and I’m learning how to look after myself. Try to be kind to yourself.

Who is she to you?

OP, I get you. This woman seems to have led a pretty charmed life (in comparison to you) but now has had an awful diagnosis. However, as part of her “charmed life” she now has a great deal of help, love and support which you don’t think you would have in her situation.

I think you have to accept that everyone walks their own path and some people’s lives are easier (in whatever form) than others.

However, comparison is the thief of joy so you need to look at what you DO HAVE and not at what you don’t.

BTW, I’m talking from the place of someone who only had children much later in life than others, I don’t have the career and lifestyle many of my peers have and I’ve also had cancer recently- which I’m hopefully now clear from.

I suggest some sort of talking therapy to help you readjust your thinking and to help you start to see life as half-full and not half-empty.

I'm sorry that lady had that happen, but the op is different as she's just assuming things about this woman without any actual proof or proper relationship

I knew a girl like that.
She was all about herself.
She was beautiful - 5’10” dark hair, blue eyes.
Coasted through life, never suffered any consequences for anything.
She had no idea of “being a guest” — she’d leave the milk out, dirty dishes, clothes everywhere when the visited at age 35.
She ditched me in Mexico once with her friends and I had to hitchhike 85+ miles back to San Diego with complete strangers.
She got breast cancer and died.
And I wish she was here to be a shitty house guest every day of my life.

I wonder if deep down you are devastated that she is ill because it blows your theory about life being so easy for her. You are clutching at straws when you say that you would not have the support she has if you had that illness. You're probably right, but so what? She still has that illness.

You actually probably really like and admire this woman, but for some reason are unable to fully embrace that. If that is true, why do you think that is?

You can change your thoughts and attitude towards this woman by telling yourself that you admire and are inspired by her. You might even write her a letter saying that and see what comes out (if you take this on the letter shouldn't have anything negative in it. If you hit some negativity, take it out and have a look at it and ask yourself what is lacking in your life and how you might rectify that.

I can't condemn what you wrote in your post because it is so human. We all have our moments when we have thoughts that we're not proud of. You're just a bit more honest about this than other people. Which is something in your favour. Good luck.

I’ve always been held back in life mainly by overstepping family members and men who had let me down. I’ve had several people let me down and walk out when they’d promised to be there

You'd benefit from therapy, said kindly. You can certainly acknowledge how crappy it is that people let you down or overstep but they don't write or dictate your life.

I don’t really get the logic about relating to your kids better if you had then younger. You’re looking to be their parent not their sister or friend. And how would having kids have helped you to have a proper 20s? If anything I’d think your 20s can be more carefree without kids.

OP are you happy in your marriage? Do you find fulfilment in motherhood? I only ask because you mention married with kids like some kind of checkbox you’ve achieved, but haven’t elaborated on how it actually makes you feel so much.

Do you have anything going on in your life that you’re proud of?

I’d think if you were more happy and fulfilled some of these feelings would dissipate somewhat, but I do agree you should seek therapy.

it is true that some people seem to have it easier in certain aspects of their life and we all have our different challenges, for example - this woman is now facing something awful that you hopefully won’t have to deal with ever.

If anything it should be a reminder not to envy others because you don’t know what’s ahead in your path or theirs.

I can imagine people would rather live another 40 years or whatever than have a big crowd of supportive people around them as nice as that is. So remember- this woman may be looking at people like you and wishing she had your luck and good fortune.

Green eyed monster of a woman who has been diagnosed with a serious life threatening illness? Have a word with yourself woman. She had her children young so likely will see them grow up. She has packed as much as she could into her life while she can and good on her I say.

I understand OP. It's shit when life seemingly is uphill for you but others seem to have a light shining on then throughout. Even when they've been given a kicking by the universe they get people flocking to hold them up. I get it, it's not about them being ill.

However this shit just eats you up if you let it. Bitterness attracts more bitterness. Maybe it's time for a bit of a change in your life to adjust your outlook on it. Learn something new, count the blessings you have and just try to let it go.

I think you need to make getting therapy a priority. It’s not normal to be jealous of an ill woman… not at all.

You can get better from this- promise.