Am I being unreasonable to want to hold this woman to account?

But what do you expect them to log at this stage? That he love bombed the OP and maybe contacted her workplace? The best thing the OP can do is to keep a cool head and ensure that he is cut off everywhere.

OP you don't know if they've contacted anyone at work. All you know is that he mentioned a name and that person is real. Doesn't mean anyone actually contacted that person.
I think you definitely need to talk to a therapist because you still seem to be caught up in the fake drama he's created.

So sorry you are going through this @VickyPollard25.

I believe this woman exists - I had a similar one come after me because she was one of the many women my ex was cheating with me on. She was desperate for him to leave me so used her ‘professional skills’ as a ‘therapist’ to diagnose me with several mental illnesses and mocked me for them to show him how much better she is.

She ‘won’ him long enough for him to make an absolute fool of her so in your shoes I would leave her to it - your line manager is aware and any other efforts from her to cause trouble at work will make her look like a head case.

Online dating is the Wild West sadly - maybe take some time out to recalibrate and work on boundaries. Even the best of us get caught out by these drama seeking lunatics. Until you’ve met one it’s hard to believe there are grown adults out there who behave like this and revel in it.

And as for the crazy who came after me, she posts on here quite regularly and recognisably and is very keen to show she’s all about supporting women and the sisterhood. For the record, Claire, you are no sister (and no therapist) and I have the screenshots to prove it.

He already has a police record. This should be added to it. They dont need to DO anything except log it. That's all the police do now anyway...and all I suggested that they do.

Ok, so a woman in Hong Kong exists. Fine.

You haven't had any contact with her OR the man at your workplace, so you only have crazy ex's word for it that these two people have ever even heard of each other...

...much less A called B, & B cheerfully confirmed to 'total stranger in HK' A that yes, this colleague he'd never interacted with & her whole team were 'lazy paper pushers'.

This sounds a bit improbable.

& crazy bloke is probably quite sharp enough to know you won't seek to verify it, because if you contact A or A's employers in HK, she'll just say she's never heard of Mr Crazy/you/your colleague B & has no idea what you're raving about - which would probably be the simple truth.

& if you go to your own HR, again B will say he's never heard of or spoken to A in Hong Kong/has no knowledge of or opinion on your professional performance - which is also probably the simple truth.

So you'd look gullible & paranoid to your employer.

So you're highly unlikely to do that.

The bugger's gaslighting you.

He's almost certainly pulled both A & B's details off LinkedIn, stalked their SM a bit & never had any direct contact with either.

I’m sorry but there is nothing to report yet. If he starts to stalk or harrass the OP she absolutely needs to log it but right now the police can’t do anything. I would recommend that the slander attempts at work get documented properly in case the OP needs this as evidence along the line.

She is not the issue here (if she even exists - I'd bet money she doesn't).

HE is the issue, and I was cringing from the first few sentences - total love-bombing, narcissistic behaviour.

Having been stalked by a crazy woman I can believe this. They even got hold of my medical records.

Speak to the police. Ask to have this logged against him and that you're concerned for your safety. His behaviour is not that of a good man.

This sounds crazy! You need to run for the hills. Whether she is real or he has fabricated this whole situation, you don't need a man like this in your life ever!

I very much doubt this is real. Unless you have e actually spoken to this man at your work who decided to have a conversation with a random on the phone about another employee. I think you have been brainwashed a bit by all of this. It's just crazy. None of this bullshit can hurt you if you get strong and see it for what it is. An attempt to control you. Just lock everything down and block everywhere. Do not answer unrecognised numbers either. Forget it and move on. Be more careful who you speak to online In the future. See the red flags as soon as a s they appear.

I’m sorry that this has happened to you, OP. I know someone just like this man and I believe that the other woman does exist. The man I know used to work in a similar way - instigate drama to keep women fighting for him.

Drama Triangulation

Absolutely keep him blocked on all channels. I have seen the absolute carnage these types of situations cause. It also fits perfectly with the whole love bombing angle.

This sounds completely batshit insane and I’d block him and tell him that any more crap you go to the police and report him for harassment. I’d be surprised if the woman was real - I think he’s a psycho trying to mess with your mind.

I thought you could see who looks at your LinkedIn - they leave a trail.

I suspect he is love bombing you and this is all made up for you to be in his debt. You don't know her if she exists. Deal with the one you know which is him. Block him.

None can push you into a relationship, you are a grown woman I presume so own your decisions it is no one else's fault, that may help you make better future decisions

If she’s even real, which I doubt, and I agree with a pp who did he’s invented her, it says everything about her, and nothing about you. Someone like that would not change because you held her to account, and it would cause you more stress in the meantime.
Prioritise your mental health and remove yourself from the situation completely.

My first thought is that she doesn't exist and it's all him. Just block and delete and don't give it any more head space.

You don't know this woman and haven't met her so her opinion of you is worth nothing. She is obviously jealous of you as she has been dumped. But I agree with people saying this woman probably doesn't exist. He sounds like one to avoid at all costs. Actually he sounds more than a bit unhinged.

That’s exactly what I was thinking! The original post gave me a cold chill. If you’re not engaging with him in any way then it’s likely he’s got bored and moved on by now. You could waste a lot of your mental resources trying to understand him and his motivations and it will never make sense because he’s not normal. Your therapist sounds very sensible. Even the strongest women are destabilised going through a break up. That plus a lack of solid boundaries and a willingness to give second chances makes you very vulnerable to this sort of abuse. If you really are out of this then you have dodged a bullet. It really hurts, but see it as an amazing opportunity for personal growth x

I’m pretty certain that woman never existed, OP, and that it was ALL a fabrication of that total weirdo man you dated.

Your man is insane, controlling abusive and weird. There is no way this woman exists. He can’t give you details because he made her up. He wants to lower your self esteem to control you, while pretending to be on your side at the same time. So transparent.

Sounds more like to me that the other woman is his long term girlfriend, especially as this all came to light when he went to Hong Kong. He was getting in first with the “crazy stalker story”. Who knows what he was telling her about you. You only have his word about what she said about you, baring in mind he’s a proven manipulative liar.

Sounds like a made-for-Netflix drama from start to finish to me.