25 year old making his own tea

I wouldn't go in "all guns blazing" as you put it OP, because I assume you have brought him up to be like this. So have a conversation about it. Think about what you want to achieve first.

If he eats with you 7 days a week and you cook for everyone then he should take a turn twice a week to cook. That works well for us - we all take 2 turns each in the week and 1 night will have leftover/pizza or whatever. He should also left you know the night before if he is going to be wanting dinner the next evening or not. So for example on the 2 nights I cook my DH and DS clear up, and so on. That way no one has the heavy load. It doesn't have to be a fancy meal, I don't mind what DH or DS cook, just as long as it's a decent meal.

I moved back in with my mum at a similar age. We had some teething problems around this issue.

What worked for us (partly because we had a reasonably regular schedule each week) was agreeing mum cooks these two nights, I cook those two nights, we eat separately the other two nights (we like some different things!), and we discuss Sunday plans each week.

One thing we learned was helpful was to agree a time by which food would be ready. Until we did that there was sometimes frustration when the cook was late, but planning a meal, the other person assumed no food was being prepared and did their own thing, then the cook felt unappreciated.

You know how regular/flexible you need to be to fit in with your lifestyles, but you definitely need to sit down and talk about it, and not at a time when any of you are hungry/cross

Yes at 25 he can make his own food or at least ask if there will be anything for him.

Either tell him to check with you each day or just make his own. A quick conversation and it's done.

I think you are massively overthinking this.

Have you had a conversation with him about it?

Just say, I feel like I'm being tied to the kitchen and don't want to cook every night. I'll The text you if I'm making enough for 3 and keep a portion for you in the fridge. You'll need to fend for yourself from now on.

Did you teach him basic life skills like cooking, cleaning, laundry etc ? If so then he makes dinner for everyone on his night, has the courtesy to let you know when he'll be in for dinner and he'll help keep the place clean.

At 25 I was out from underneath my mother's skirt for three years. No I'm not a "Boomer".
I would heartily recommend the same for your son.

Once my kids were of a certain age, I made a clear announcement, my shift in the kitchen was O-V-E-R.

If you want to eat, fend for yourself, tidy up, and if you leave the kitchen any less than the way you found it, there will be serious trouble. Like Maximus Murillius Commander Of The Armies To The North Gladiator trouble.

No one but you can know what you find annoying and what behaviour you find acceptable. Decide whether you want to cook for him or whether you want him to cook for you. Decide who’s buying the food and who’s doing the washing up. Then let him know (without any guns blazing). It’s your house. You set the rules.

How hard is it to make enough for three and keep one portion aside? I have never not cooked enough for my children - never mind how old they are. Is it your step son?

Tea is discussed every morning our house, dd21 and ds19 get told it's either something im making a load of pasta, curry etc or it's fend for yourself, where they are welcome to have anything in the house or as they both earn they can get themselves something.

There's no drama about it.

Decide what you’d prefer to happen and then let him know. I should think he just assumes things are how they were when he was growing up. It’s true he could have asked or offered to cook etc. I personally wouldn't much like the idea of cooking for just me and DH and then DS just cooking for himself, too much like a shared student house approach. But, DS cooking for all of us appeals.

A turn of phrase still expresses a specific meaning

Ask him "do you want me to cook an evening meal most nights or would you prefer to sort yourself out?"

Er, only if the OP is actually ok with cooking him most nights, sounds to me like she'd rather do a 'family meal' a couple of times a week.

Him not letting her know if he's going to be in or not just assuming he'll be fed is bad manners, to say the least.

YABU.

It would be fine if you had an agreed set-up where you all eat one meal together Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, but cook separately on other days. It doesn't sound like you have that. Therefore it's very odd for you to make some meals just for yourself and your husband.

I’m aware of that. Maybe talk to your son instead of trying to pick someone up on what they’ve responded to you?

Im also not the only one who has said there’s no need to go in all guns blazing, pretty sure they also know it’s a turn of phrase, or for your own drama.

When my adult DD lived with me we treated it like a house share and would have clear rules/expectations. Just sort it out.

Of course you need to 'have a conversation with him and set some boundaries around expectations', but I'm not surprised you're a bit annoyed you need to, that he's returned home apparently reverting to childish behaviour just assuming you'll feed him rather than behaving as an adult.

You don't have to go in all guns blazing, you just need have to have a conversation about it.

Ask him "do you want me to cook an evening meal most nights or would you prefer to sort yourself out?"

You need to communicate with each other.

My son moved out at 22 and sometimes I'd include him in meal plans; sometimes I wouldn't and he cooked for himself. Sometimes, he'd cook for all of us.

My daughter is 18 and it's now similar with her.

But we communicate so that we both know what the other's plans are.

You need to do the same.

You need to have a conversation with him about your expectations/ his expectations so everyone is on the same page.

You don’t have to go in all guns blazing at all. Tell him it’s not a hotel, (he’s a man and at 25 presumably he knows how to cook) so you could agree that he’s cooking dinner for everyone 1 or 2 nights a week. Plus can he tell you if he’s going out or going to be late/sorting himself out.

It's really not necessary to get so worked up about something that can be easily dealt with. Tell your son that if he is planning on joining you for dinner, he needs to let you know by X time. If he doesn't, he's on his own. He should also be expected to cook occasionally and to buy food for himself and for the household if he frequently eats food you buy.