Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

I am curious about this also

YANBU.

Passive aggressive people attending an event they are not invited to explains why the invitation wasn't extended to them in the first place.

Public place or not, they should not have attended that venue at that time.

Baptisms in my family tend to be more the merrier events. I wish I'd have had something like your friend had.

I have a totally different attitude to parties post COVID. My family is massive. Some people have no manners or proper responsibility when it comes to looking after their own DC. I'm definitely of the less is more brigade now.

Maybe so - yes, pretty batshit.

But the "host" of the christening party was also bloody rude (and batshit), in my view. A christening is a) about welcoming a new child into "God's family" and b) into the actual family and wider society.

I'm not at all Christian, but if you're doing a christening, you should try to follow the spirit of the thing.

The OP's friend was mean-spirited in excluding members of her child's family - aunts, uncles, and cousins. And actually really hypocritical. Not a generous person, and a christening is about welcoming and generosity in my book. And meanness is really unattractive in a person.

I think she made a huge mistake dividing the family up like this, was it to save costs?

Can you see how this has clearly upset the family, (even if you can’t understand how they had the balls to show up) can you understand why they would be upset?

She made a big mistake and instead of pointing the fingers at the others, she should look at what was the root of the problem. She hurt them.

They chose that time to go because of the christening celebration. It wasn't a coincidence!

OP, does your DH have any siblings? Do they have any children? Do you not consider yourself their aunt?

Lol yeah that's a good name for a horror movie

I must admit this was my first thought also. Or she could afford it, but is just tight.

So much for the idea that a christening is about welcoming the baby into a comminity

No criticism of your friend for not wanting to host at home, however

Did she not realise that Uncles and Aunts are also people who married into the family? She seems to have caused massive offense and whilst I don't necessarily agree with what they did, I can see why some did this.

Am I the only person who keeps reading "The Univited" and picturing zombie like figures haunting the fringes of the room and furtively being fed bread rolls by the blood relatives they belong to?

It’s a christening though!

Ha ha. Almost as if they were in a committed relationship!

Was there a limit on group size? If so, why did your friend not state this, invite closest family (whole family units), then invite others to book as their own groups if they wanted to join her?

I'm so confused by how she is "nasty". Why are we not able to choose who we want to events we are organising? We all have a choice whether we then go?

I certainly have been to many events where my husband and children aren't automatically invited too and I wouldn't dream of telling them to just come along and stare at me through a window. I'm sure they'd prefer to go to an actual zoo instead

I admire them for showing up. They are rejecting their rejection, ykwim. I should have done this years ago with my own family.

I would find it really weird to be invited to my nephew's christening and my husband of 20 years, who has known and loved my sister for those 20 years, to not be invited.

The host is completely loony. If she's your friend OP, then it's on you to tell her how flipping rude she is.

(Not justifying those who turned up uninvited)

It sounds like alot of people are enmeshed with their partners

It's a restaurant! They turned up to a public restaurant! And/or to a public church service! Not to a private event!

They didn't (unless OP has a massive dripfeed) plonk themselves down at the head of the friend's table and order lobster and champagne expecting her to pick up the bill.
They didn't rush a bouncer to get through a cordon to a private party. They booked themselves a meal/went for a walk in a garden/sat in a public reception area.

What a nasty person your friend sounds and I would imagine the ramifications of her stupid decision will be felt a long time in her family.

I second this ^

You can be upset or annoyed at not being invited but this sounds so incredibly petty.

Your friend is a horrible person...inviting only half of a couple and excluding many important relatives, just so she could act like a 'gracious host' at a pricey hotel!!! Seriously??

I'm gobsmacked that you are defending her. Awful, trashy behaviour from your friend!! Put yourself in the shoes of those she excluded...how do you think they felt receiving an invitation that said 'you're not welcome, and neither are your kids, but your partner can come!' 😮

I mean, I don't think I would have the balls to turn up and eat a meal a table away from where DH, his sister, some of their cousins, his parents etc were attending a family gathering.

But I would be incredibly hurt to be excluded like that from my niece's christening. When I married DH*, I joined his family. To exclude me from an event like that would be a very strong message that I am not considered part of the family and I would be left wondering what relationship or role there was for me in my niece's life.

*actually I have been treated as part of his family for far longer than we have been married

But it was just a restaurant in a hotel. A public place. Not exclusive. Loads of random people around. So no-one turning up there is "batshit". No-one gatecrashed. Perhaps they wanted to spend the rest of the day with their invited spouse. Perhaps they wanted to be as close as they could be to the event - their niece/nephew/cousin's christening. Perhaps they were curious about the "posh hotel". Perhaps they wanted to shame the friend.

OP, you said it was "controversial" and had already caused an issue with the mother and brother initially refusing to come. Has your friend really not reflected that maybe, just maybe, she didn't make a great choice here by trying to exclude family members from her child's celebration?

🤔 to be honest I have the sort of family where I'd do the same....but I'd have made damn sure none of the fuckers would know where Amy celebration of mine would be held!

It was rude to turn up uninvited but it's also bizarre to insist on only blood relatives at a christening. Both things can be true at the same time.

If this was a wedding.... would people just turn up uninvited?

Bloody hell, your friend’s a nut job, assuming you mean an actual christening involving a Christian religion and making vows in a church??

Did she listen to the words spoken and have any understanding of the vows she was making?

Or was it just a show for the Insta pics? 🤔

I Just don’t understand why they did this. It might be a public place but why choose that particular time to go?

Because they were angry and wanted to make a point.

Was that a kind response to being excluded, no.

A more standard response would be a lot of bitching on a family group chat.

But your friends choice was only ever going to cause her issues even in a less reactive family.