Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

Literally the point of a christening is to welcome the child to God and the Christian family.

Of course whole family will go to the church. That's the whole point.

And then practically does make sense to all go to the same venue afterwards. Means not bringing two cars etc per family

It’s like weddings
It's not like weddings though, that's the point. The wedding ceremony in a church is a public event anyone can come to but the reception is understood to be a private, formal event by invitation.

A Christening is part of a normal Sunday morning service with many people there not directly known to the family and a low-key informal gathering afterwards. Your friend decided to be a pretentious that about it and try to make a Christening like a wedding which meant she excluded many people who should have been invited and they ddc8ded to publicly call her out on her shoddy behaviour.

There was no shame for them, the only person humiliated is your mate.

A cousins/siblings afternoon around Christmas isn't the same as a christening.

My partner has a siblings day around Christmas. It's a chance for them to be silly and reminisce. I'm sure it would be fun to join, but I totally get it.

Now if one of his brothers decided to christen one of their children and not invite me (but invite my partner), that would be weird.

There’s definitely a what’s app group they are all in that your friend is not.

Yip I’ve found it…

Her elder child was distracted by uninvited cousin and when her sister gently walked the child back the sister-in-law did sarcastically said it was a public restaurant.

she/you stopped the child from playing with their cousin?? She has managed to make what is meant to be a family gathering and joyous occasion into one that will forever ostracise them from the family group. Because I tell you what, hell would freeze over before I invited her to a family event again.

Well, I think your friend is batshit for not including family in what is a very obviously family occassion.

I think had it been our family where only my husband was invited for example, I'd assume the party bit would be in a private dining or function room, and possibly for ease of transport/if we'd had to stay over night/had plans for after, I'd have thought me and the kids needed to eat anyway so we'd have lunch in the main restaurant whilst my husband went off to his family event elsewhere at the venue. Others may have thought they'd crack on with some work, or go for a walk. That the host wanted a private event but didn't pay the uplift for a private area or room, really isn't the fault of the extended family that weren't invited. For me, accidentally gatecrashing would have just been an unexpected bonus to be honest! But then again, I'm quite petty when it comes to people being exclusionary like this.

Why would they want punish my friend like this at the event?

You know this, though don’t you. Because from their perspective she was obnoxious and rude to them by inviting their spouses but not them to what is almost universally expected to be a welcoming and family oriented event.

It’s fine to think you wouldn’t do what her or the gatecrashers did. But the protestations that you just can’t understand why people would do it come across as absurd. As though you only think of your friend as a real person with feelings and motivations that might make her deviate from the norm and all the others at the party as computer generated bit players who don’t deserve consideration, aren’t affected by her actions and bizarrely just haven’t followed the rules.

Baptismzilla 😆

I can see why she did this but she hasn't made it easy for herself going forward by doing so. Financially and stress of organising reasons she did nothing wrong.

The cousin who walked around,partner with laptop I'm assuming came from abit further away and or were doing something together after ? If so makes sense they go to venue and entertain themselves for abit. If not then yes that's really weird and just trying to be arsey.

The sil definitely did it to prove a point and let their displeasure at not being invited be known. If the friend expects the cousins to all get along and kids to be close she went about this in the wrong way as she's soured that relationship now. But equally the sil should have been more understanding if money is tight and friend couldn't accommodate more easily.

Her child, her christening and her decision who to invite.

It is just bizarre to have such idiotic family that will pester you and stalk you around events uninvited.
I would avoid such people without manners like a plague and not invite them to single event in the future.

If money was a problem then it would have been better to invite people to the Christening itself then word the invitation to indicate people can meet you at x venue after if they would like (with a link to menu and prices). The OP states it was a posh venue though so it doesn't sound like financial difficulties.

Why the faux shock at why they turned up? It’s pretty obvious. Your “friend” is absolutely rude and pretentious - can’t afford for everyone to go but has to have it in a posh hotel. If the sorting it out was an issue caterers could have been arranged at a lesser venue, but no the setting had to be right.

did I read that correctly that her eldest wanted to play with their cousins but was led away? Fuck me that’s appalling.

Well if that was the case, I agree that going to the hotel and excluding some was absolutely rude and no wonder so many people just turned up.

Were all these people at the church? You can't have a christening in a hotel?

So was the plan for everyone to go to the church and then only some go out for dinner afterwards?

And the rest of the family turned up at the same hotel?

Probably made sense as one car per family etc

Oh, pull the other one, it's got bells on 😂

We've all been an "exhausted new mum" and managed not to hurt our families by essentially dividing them into the worthy and the unworthy ffs. If you don't have the bandwidth to organise a family event, then don't have one. She wanted a poncy hotel event and couldn't afford it, so she treated half of her family like dirt, and will have to live with the consequences.

Are there Christenings that aren't? You'd need a font. Or a lake or river I suppose but I've only seen that with adult baptisms.

Oh the irony of having your baby Christened, but making it an "exclusive" event, excluding family. Are they non-believers hoping for a place at the local over-subscribed church school?

I think two wrongs don’t make a right in this situation. To not invite the spouses of my siblings, or my children’s Aunts and Uncles’ is beyond me.

I Just don’t understand why they did this. It might be a public place but why choose that particular time to go?
Why are you still saying this when loads of posters have told you why. They did it to make a point. To show that your friend was being insanely rude and they weren't standing for it

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends.

This seems kind of rude, weird, and arbitrary. Blood relatives (of the baby) maybe has some logic if you really desperately want to keep numbers/costs down, but it's horrible to SAY this is what you're doing. Do immediate family members get excluded if they're adopted? Adding friends in on top of that really complicates things because it seems to imply that the spouses of close relatives aren't also friends.

If I were invited to this, knowing the criteria, I'd probably assume the hostess was seriously cutting corners out of absolute economic necessity. Maybe the people that came along with their invited spouse/parent thought they were doing your friend a favor by paying for their own meal?

Your friend clearly couldn't do right for doing wrong. You said her husband wouldn't have lifted a finger, so it was up to HER to put herself through the ringer arranging a big bash for the family and all the mental load that goes with it. Exhausting herself because we all know if these things don't happen it must be the selfish woman who's to blame.

Or, feeling the pressure, she tries to do a smaller scale thing with as few people as she can get away with, with minimum effort as possible to try and save the stress. Only for more to all turn up anyway to stare, and to shame her for not putting herself through the ringer. It must be the selfish woman who's to blame.

Is there an option that doesn't involve a new exhausted mum exhausting herself even further or being called a stuck up selfish bitch?

Presumably the whole family were at the church, then the hostess wanted the uninvited to bugger off after the service and then pick up the invited at the end of the event? That's spectacularly rude.

The "hostess" is very lucky that all the spouses and children didn't just book another table for their own party. Or alternatively everyone with uninvited spouses turning down the invite.

She's in no danger of winning hostess of the year.

The baby’s grandparents, aunts and uncles were all invited but not their spouses

This is weird, but it's weirder to turn up when you were not invited

This isn't something like a school friend's 30th. A Christening is a family orientated event. Aunts and uncles by marriage are family. Cousins are family.