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Original poster

Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

385 replies

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:02

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

OP posts:
Miffylou · 14/07/2024 21:10

They, and their partners, were hurt and annoyed at your friend's actions. Who invites a relation but not their partner to a family celebration? It’s so divisive for families. I don’t see why it would have been much more trouble to invite partners too (though of course more expensive).

The invited guests didn’t want to make a big deal of it by refusing to go without their partners or chikdren, but made it a day out for the whole family. I don’t blame them.

Schoolchoicesucks · 14/07/2024 21:07

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/07/2024 20:48

Isn’t this the sort of behaviour that traditionally ends up with the Wicked Fairy turning up and putting a curse on the baby? Your relative might want to keep the baby away from suspiciously delicious looking apples, gangs of seven small me and spinning wheels, @SweetSouberry.

Genius!

Original poster
SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 21:06

@Equivo but why choose that restaurant? You can’t stop your kids getting up and approaching the party table.

Why go somewhere you aren’t invited?

If you want to eat out go somewhere else.

I am genuinely not getting it.

Essential 5 sets of people turned up to be on the periphery of something their partners were involved in.
If men hung around somewhere where their female partners were they would be condemned as controlling.

OP posts:
ZiriForGood · 14/07/2024 21:05

It sounds that the number of more distant relatives is so huge that it just wasn't practical and shouldn't be expected to host it at home. In the same time inviting everyone to the restaurant could be very expensive.

Organising an invasion is very hostile act even if they don't agree with their approach. I'd say it is rather entitled to expect her to host huge numbers just because the child is being christened.

TheShellBeach · 14/07/2024 21:04

Bushmillsbabe · 14/07/2024 21:02

The only logical event I can put this description with is a hen do, where she invited blood relatives and friends as was female only? No other event makes sense from your description of the guest list?

The OP has already said that it was a christening.

Bushmillsbabe · 14/07/2024 21:02

The only logical event I can put this description with is a hen do, where she invited blood relatives and friends as was female only? No other event makes sense from your description of the guest list?

Cyclingmummy1 · 14/07/2024 20:59

Your friend is annoyed because people went for a meal at the same venue as she did?

My SIL's exH was eating in a restaurant where we were celebrating my DF's birthday. He just politely came across, said hello to my SIL and DB, kissed his DDs, wished my DF happy birthday and went back to his own meal. No drama.

Equivo · 14/07/2024 20:58

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 20:48

@Schoolchoicesucks but being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you can turn up somewhere uninvited,

Genuinely, genuinely even if you only have Sundays as a family you take it on the chin, you don’t gatecrash. Same goes if you fancy a meal at the venue you don’t choose the same day.

How are you not getting this? Going for a meal separately at the same restaurant is not gatecrashing.

DappledThings · 14/07/2024 20:58

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 20:48

@Schoolchoicesucks but being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you can turn up somewhere uninvited,

Genuinely, genuinely even if you only have Sundays as a family you take it on the chin, you don’t gatecrash. Same goes if you fancy a meal at the venue you don’t choose the same day.

But you do if you want to show someone up for their spectacular rudeness. This is what you're not getting. Yes it's unusual and rude to turn up to an event uninvited but nowhere near as unusual and rude as these people being not invited to this type of event in the first place.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/07/2024 20:56

She didn't invite her relatives or your family to her child's christening

Weird

DappledThings · 14/07/2024 20:55

Bluebirdover · 14/07/2024 20:42

👏 👏

Perfectly put.

Show quote history

Except I missed my autocorrect had changed twat to that. How annoying!

EricHebbornInItaly · 14/07/2024 20:54

I’d be interested in your friend’s relationship with her inlaws prior to the christening. If it was poor, was she just inviting those she absolutely had to have?

If she likes them generally and it was just for numbers that doesn’t make sense as it sounds like there was room at the venue. But would make more sense if on a budget and they were unpleasant and she’d rather use that budget for her actual friends and supporters.

It’s a difficult one. I’m Christian. My inlaws are not. I absolutely didn’t want them at my daughter’s christening but did it out of obligation. I wish I hadn’t have been so polite. His family ruined the whole day for me. His father spewed racist, misogynistic crap in ear shot of my guests who looked on horrified, and his mother made an absolutely disgusting comment about my changed appearance from a disability which Was ringing in my ears for the rest of that day (and since it’s totally wrecked my confidence).

They aren’t Christian people, they didn’t act in a Christian way on one of the most special days of my daughter’s life and I didn’t have to invite them. I sincerely wish I hadn’t. I organised and paid for the whole ceremony and dinner and drinks afterwards (which is fine, he isn’t Christian but is okay with me raising our daughter in the faith), but it was ruined by his family. Perhaps Op’s friends family are a similar kind of ghastly, the turning up uninvited is positively unhinged, vulgar and trashy behaviour.

Dishwashersaurous · 14/07/2024 20:54

You know exactly why they did it.

A christening is about God and family.

The extended family were telling her that they believe her behaviour wasn't compatible with the purpose of a christening

S0livagant · 14/07/2024 20:53

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 20:48

@Schoolchoicesucks but being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you can turn up somewhere uninvited,

Genuinely, genuinely even if you only have Sundays as a family you take it on the chin, you don’t gatecrash. Same goes if you fancy a meal at the venue you don’t choose the same day.

You don't exclude family from a Christening.

LeroyJenkinssss · 14/07/2024 20:52

Havesome2024 · 14/07/2024 20:39

There’s definitely a what’s app group they are all in that your friend is not.

😂😂 i would pay good money to read it tbh

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/07/2024 20:48

Isn’t this the sort of behaviour that traditionally ends up with the Wicked Fairy turning up and putting a curse on the baby? Your relative might want to keep the baby away from suspiciously delicious looking apples, gangs of seven small me and spinning wheels, @SweetSouberry.

CelesteCunningham · 14/07/2024 20:48

RawBloomers · 14/07/2024 20:35

Why would they want punish my friend like this at the event?

You know this, though don’t you. Because from their perspective she was obnoxious and rude to them by inviting their spouses but not them to what is almost universally expected to be a welcoming and family oriented event.

It’s fine to think you wouldn’t do what her or the gatecrashers did. But the protestations that you just can’t understand why people would do it come across as absurd. As though you only think of your friend as a real person with feelings and motivations that might make her deviate from the norm and all the others at the party as computer generated bit players who don’t deserve consideration, aren’t affected by her actions and bizarrely just haven’t followed the rules.

Edited

Exactly this. You know why they did it.

Your friend made quite the point by inviting you as a friend but not her brother's wife and children.

They were intentionally making quite the point back.

I'm guessing this isn't the first difficult moment in their relationship.

SpringYay · 14/07/2024 20:48

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:32

She wanted a quiet celebration with people that mattered to her, that didn’t involve her having to organise anything.

Of course it was a public place but there were literally tens of public places that the uninvited could have eaten in or they could have just stayed at home.

I would have been completely embarrassed turning up somewhere that I wasn’t wanted.

"The uninvited" oh my days....

Original poster
SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 20:48

@Schoolchoicesucks but being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you can turn up somewhere uninvited,

Genuinely, genuinely even if you only have Sundays as a family you take it on the chin, you don’t gatecrash. Same goes if you fancy a meal at the venue you don’t choose the same day.

OP posts:
Yousaidwhatagain · 14/07/2024 20:46

Your friend is a deeply horrible person for doing this. She excluded some pretty key people to the baby. In her actions to be spiteful, she will always remember that her day was a ruined one surrounded by unhappiness and unhappy people all because of her.
That's what you get for being a horrible person.

Bloom15 · 14/07/2024 20:44

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:32

She wanted a quiet celebration with people that mattered to her, that didn’t involve her having to organise anything.

Of course it was a public place but there were literally tens of public places that the uninvited could have eaten in or they could have just stayed at home.

I would have been completely embarrassed turning up somewhere that I wasn’t wanted.

They were wanted - by the owners/management. Your friend sounds terribly precious

Longdarkcloud · 14/07/2024 20:44

The uninvited must all have got together to plan this. They are the ones to have started or aggravated a family rift. This behaviour was quite uncalled for. Perhaps the real significance of a Christening has real meaning for OP’s friend than for her outlaws. I note grandparents were invited and therefore the in-laws were more distant relatives.
There’s not much one can do in response except to stoop to their level and turn up to their venues when they have quiet anniversary, valentine etc celebrations

Dishwashersaurous · 14/07/2024 20:43

Actually the person who says that anyone who wants a private event needs to book a private room, is spot on.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 14/07/2024 20:43

Starsignleo · 14/07/2024 20:16

Some people seem to forget they had a life and an identity before they met their SO and / or had children….I’ve got friends and family members who literally will not attend an event unless they can all be there….it’s sad, and the people that were actually invited must have felt embarrassed to have their partners acting weird on the periphery….I feel sorry for your friend….I love a day out away from my partner, and so do they….we are 2 separate people who choose a life together, but that doesn’t mean being joined at the hip 24/7…..

This isn’t about not having a partner there (although this is very unusual for a Christening) the baby’s cousin’s weren’t invited either. Do they not count as ‘blood relatives’.

Bluebirdover · 14/07/2024 20:42

DappledThings · 14/07/2024 20:40

It’s like weddings
It's not like weddings though, that's the point. The wedding ceremony in a church is a public event anyone can come to but the reception is understood to be a private, formal event by invitation.

A Christening is part of a normal Sunday morning service with many people there not directly known to the family and a low-key informal gathering afterwards. Your friend decided to be a pretentious that about it and try to make a Christening like a wedding which meant she excluded many people who should have been invited and they ddc8ded to publicly call her out on her shoddy behaviour.

There was no shame for them, the only person humiliated is your mate.

👏 👏

Perfectly put.