Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

Yes the people were rude to turn up uninvited but your friend was totally bloody rude by not inviting them. I am sorry I would be saying something to your friend if I was you. instead of posting on mumsnet to try and garner sympathy for your friend who did a bitychy thing. you might not like your inlaws but unless they are abusive and child molesters you don't exclude them from family events. you suck it up put a smile on your face and be an adult for the few hours. if she couldn't afford the venue with the numbers should have had a different venue. God she has really f up on this

She sounds like an absolute psycho. Who invites one part of a family to a christening- she’s lucky people showed up at all.

the fact other people showed up and make her feel awkward is kind of her just deserts to be honest, it’s a child’s christening- i could understand no children (but then it’s a bit weird as it’s a celebration for a child?)… you invite people as a family unit not as individuals.

How did the uninvited know the name of the venue and the time? Therein, possibly, lies the fault. Either the hostess plastered it all over SM, in which case anyone with access to it may have seen it and not read/understood that it was invitation-only - or one if those invited passed the details to others, possibly also suggesting that they came along? Whether this was done innocently or to stir is another matter. But how they all knew where to pitch up and when is a good starting point.

Did these people need to travel any distance to get there? Were they going anywhere after? Did the people attending drive? - numerous reasons.

All v odd.

So your friend invited some immediate relatives of the child being christened, but not their spouses or children, or wider family?

“Controversial” seems like a euphemistic way of describing it.

If I’d been a member of a nuclear family unit where one member was invited but spouse/children hadn’t been I wouldn’t have attended either as an invited guest or as a gatecrasher. But this does seem like it was a pretty effective way of registering disapproval of very unfriendly way of “celebrating” a Christening. It’s a bit gauche for me, but then so is what your friend did.

This. I really really don't understand the exclusion of "married in" wives and partners and a focus on blood relatives unless this is a massive drip feed and there are family tensions already between her and the married and partnered in members of the family. Christenings are welcoming children into the faith and into the community. Pretty non-community minded to excluded family members (while still inviting their other half?!?).

Christenings are in church, and nobody can be excluded from a church.

The party afterwards ought to have been more inclusive. I don't blame the people who weren't invited.

On reflection, I’m really impressed by the orchestrated efforts of everyone excluded.

Sitting in the conservatory with a laptop, booking a table in the same room, doing laps of the building with a child peering in the windows to spot Mummy…

They took her petty little lunch and turned it on its head. Serves her right for not understanding the purpose of a baptism.

If she's religious, having a christening, and wants to invite godparents, grandparents, friends who are sympathetic to christening idea, then I can see why she'd not want her sister in law who sneers at religion, for example. If she wanted a group of ten rather than a group of 20c that makes sense.

And if she osn't able to have it at home- maybe house is too small or she isn't well enough to host an event- new baby, or pregnant or whatever- then why can't she have it at a local hotel carvery?

People seem to be assuming she's lady muck trying to be snooty, but it's not necessarily unreasonable to want a small party that everyone wants to be at rather than a big one that's just about the free grub and booze.

Your friend is awful. Inviting mates over her SIL and her nieces and nephews. Unbelievable.

Did they all attend the christening itself?

I can't see what the 'uninvited guests' did wrong. One member of their family had to travel to a nice restaurant, they thought why not travel with them and treat themselves to a nice meal too. Then they can also something as a family afterwards too.

Honestly you and the host are being super precious to object to other people you know being at a public venue.

I think your friend made a poor choice excluding family members from a christening and choosing to hold a celebration of it in a public place.

I think the family members who turned up anyway to make a day of it were perhaps a bit bold, perhaps wanting to make a point, perhaps they just wanted to see the baby even at a distance.

They don't need to be embarrassed to be at a public place because no-one needs to be invited to a public place.

If anyone should feel embarrassed, it is your friend for excluding family members from a family occasion. If she wanted a small, private, blood relative only event then she should have organised it at a small, private location.

Well I think it's quite telling that so many uninvited chose to go and show up your friend!

What's more likely - all of them being awful, or your friend having pissed all of them off?

A christening isn’t a private event, literally anyone can go to the church.

If she hosted a meal in a restaurant afterwards, where did she expect extended family to go? Turn themselves off and go into standby mode until they were wanted again?

They clearly booked a table in the sane restaurant to show her up for being so rude.

I would have been completely embarrassed turning up somewhere that I wasn’t wanted

I'd be more embarrassed that my friend excluded in-laws from what is traditionally a family celebration just so she could host in a posh hotel

Hope she enjoyed her day & it was worth the inevitable family rift it's now caused

I think the uninvited showing up is brilliant.

Or her husband Aunt?!?!?!
Who Is the artist formerly known as "MILs sister" 😅😅😅

Well a quiet celebration would have been them and the godparents only.

She had a selective guest list which has come across as super rude and "people that mattered to her" yikes! Even your dh and kids didn't make the cut and you're defending her!

She didn't invite her brothers wife or children to her child's christening!! That to me is a really nasty thing to do. No wonder the brother and mother didn't initially want to go.

I mean I definitely wouldn’t go to a hotel christening lunch or whatever (not particularly strange to have it in a hotel) just to prove a point cos I wasn’t invited, I think that’s a bit crazy.

BUT clearly these family members felt strongly that they weren’t invited, and this was their way of showing it!

Presumably it was a place anyone could go to and pay for their meal. If so I don't see the issue they had as much right to be there as anyone else.
It sounds a very strange dynamic though. To invite her brother but not his wife.

If the hotel was nextdoor to the church where the christening was it was probably just an easy option for lunch, invited or not. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Your friend was a rude cunt to purposely not invite people's partners (including her own inlaws) to the christening.

If you're that fucking precious then hire a private space.

Anyone can go and eat in a public restaurant, and I should imagine people did so purposely to highlight what a dick she was being.

So you're saying, your friend doesn't include in laws, family? I think it's quite selfish of her not to invite them. I would have been quite hurt tbh.

Think your friend behaved quite shittily actually @SweetSouberry

Probably causing lots of family rifts in the process.